HOW ON EARTH do you make Christmas work

[reindeerbitesback]

With so many variables (not the right word at all) within the family? E.g children having different aunts/uncles/cousins/grandparents? Family xmas parties? Christmas Day? Presents?

I'm so overwhelmed. This is our first Christmas living together/having all DC together/where all the family has met everyone.

I'm trying so hard to make sure we have enough time to see all the different families around the festive period and it feels impossible.

We thought about having a Christmas party at our new house to see how much family we could see in one go, but we would need a house 10x the size and be much better at handling stress.

Please say someone has some advice for me.

Hi :) That was me last year - utter nightmare. Felt sick in the lead up and came out of it knackered, stressed, and miserable. This year, we're doing things differently. Christmas Day - morning at our house, trip to my parents' and OH's parents' and then back to our house. Christmas Eve with my side of the family and Boxing Day with OH's side of the family to see extended family. Compromise is the key is all I can say haha, including from extended family.

Jett99, I think I just need to take a breath and do some proper organising for this year and then take a massive step back next year! I'm rubbish at compromising - I was everything done perfectly

We don't try and see everyone, but do what works for us as a unit.

DH will take his kids to see his parents on 23rd, I will be at home with my kids. He will come home on Xmas eve. Then we have three days at home before the kids go off to the other parent. Then we have a lovely few days just the two of us.

Keep things simple and make sure you are ok, then the rest will fall into place.

This is what we do and have basically done the same thing since XH and I split up, although it's extended as more people join the family.

Christmas Eve my DC are with me. DHs adult son also here. Christmas Day starts with us and then my DC go to their dads house around lunchtime. Boxing Day we drive 150 miles to my mum and dad/sister and family. Stay there a couple of nights. Incorporate a visit to DHs mum and step dad who live fairly nearby. Spend a night with DDs best friend who lives in village we used to live in.
Then either drive over to XHs parents (who live about 90 miles from our first stop in a triangle with where we live). Or XH comes and picks DC up on his way. Not sure what happens with his DW and her side of the family. DC stay with XHs family over new year.
DH, DSS and I go back up north - DSS will then go back to university the next day i think and DH and I will celebrate new year.

One Christmas I would like to stay put but would mean more people travelling to us.

Things are involved quite a bit since OH and I separated, he then moved in with his girlfriend and I later moved in with my now husband.

We went from OH and I spending it together despite being separated as we managed to remain friendly, to a war when his new partner decided that no way would this continue, so it started the half day one year, the other half the next', to now leaving it up to the kids to really decide.

DD and DS are now teenagers and their preference is to spend time with both. I think they prefer dinner at their dad, mornings with me. This year, they will do both at dads, be back later in the day.

I don't really enjoy Christmas that much any more, because what I would actually like to do myself is just so far from being possible that it could never happen! Would hurt / disadvantage too many other family members, so it's off the cards. I try to just enjoy the Christmassiness of December as a whole rather than put all my eggs in the Christmas Day basket.

I think that you can't see everyone every year, or have the 'same' Christmas every year. It sounds like you're killing yourself trying to fit everyone in, which with blended family complications is probably impossible or at least not worth the stress / hassle. If this is your first year of being a blended family, it's going to be a testing ground to see what works and what doesn't, it won't be perfect so put all thoughts of perfection right out of your head!

RE: presents, I think that kids don't notice value of presents as much as quantity (in my experience). It is awkard if certain kids are still opening piles of presents when others have none left, even if it finally evens out across both houses. An easy solution to keep the peace is just to buy some really cheap but entertaining things and wrap those up for the kids with less. Things that will keep them occupied but won't cost much, stocking filler type things.

If a lot of family is all relatively geographically close together (count your blessings if so!) how about suggesting a pre or post Xmas meal at a pub or restaurant? That could be a good solution if your house is too small for a party. You could even incentivise by saying that the wine is on you or similar, and it would still be cheaper than hosting a party.

When my DC were young and we were blended with dh's DC over as well. Everyone, including 3 exes and their parents, used to come to us around 9am, have a glass of Buck's Fizz, open presents with the kids and then leave about 12 at which point we'd then just be me, my DH and our various DC.
Boxing Day had always been family party for my extended family at my mums. DC go to their other parents from 27th to NYE.

I appreciate however that this very much relies on not only having good relationships with exes but living close geographically.

It gets easier trust me, people dc included learn to adapt to new surroundings as well as family.

I also agree with first poster which is one of the family's xmas eve, xmas day you on you own (possibly family latter on), Boxing Day another one of your family.

And maybe New Years for everyone else.

Keep it simple, leave the step kids to it, don't over organize and have a drink after dinner.