Saying isn't doing

[Monochromebutterfly]

I have been in a relationship for 4 years with a guy who's not my kids biological dad. He gets on well with them and says he sees them as his own, especially the youngest who was still a baby when he came on the scene. The thing is when it comes to anything to do with the kids from getting up on a weekend with them to making their pack up or reading their school books it's all down to me. He claimed he sees them as his own children but although we both work he still expects me to be the sole care giver and does very little around the house am I expecting too much or if he's living with us and we are both busy people should he chip in a bit more with the hands on stuff.

He's a lazy arse.

If you're both working you should both get equal down time. He lives with you all so if he sees the DCs as his - or even if he doesn't - there's no reason he can't make their sandwiches or read a book with them. He's a lazy arse. You need to have a big talk about the balance of responsibilities in your home.

They may be your children, but what kind of loving partner doesn't want to help?
You're right, saying isn't doing. You need to talk about it with him.

Could he maybe do other stuff like dinner/housework/bins/car/DIY while you do the child related stuff?

Or are you doing all the above AND the child stuff?

Married DH when I had 3 DCs under 6. He calls us his pot noodle family - instant family, just add hot water - and he plays a full hands-on role with them.

I think a lot of men are like this OP in general. Have you spoken to him about it? It might not be related to the fact they're his SC.
I have spent a long time making food/tidying up after my DPs DC. Zero thanks and I just can't do it anymore. They don't have a civil word to say to me and it seems DP expects it even though I have two very young DC with DP. It can be soul destroying. He should be helping around the house, but in all honesty, housework increases massively with children!

Are you both working the same number of hours though, as clearly there is a difference if you do to if you work PT whilst he works FT.

Assuming you are both working similar hours, then it very much depends on your conception of family life. For instance, maybe he is assuming that you are taking on more of a role of looking after the kids because it comes to you more naturally, whilst he takes on gardening and DIY because again, it comes to him more naturally. There would be nothing wrong with that in principle.

If however your issue is that you are always on the go whilst he has a lot more free time, then you need to clarify whether his doing less is relating to the fact that he considers he shouldn't have to do as much as they are not his children, even if he loves them dearly, or would he be likely to act the same if they were his children.

Hmm. Maybe the 'seeing them as his own children' thing is a red herring. From perusing mumsnet, there are a lot of dads with their own biological children, who still leave all the day to day stuff to their wives.

The real issue is that he's not pulling his weight around the house. I'd focus on that rather than whether or not he does or doesn't in fact emotionally feel about the children as he would if they were his own.

Unfortunately I think it is down to the person you are with rather than the children being DCs or DSCs. I have DSCs but I will still cook their tea, make there pack ups etc.

Does he know how you feel? He might think you are happy with the way things are.

With my DP, we have a deal where if you do the cooking, the other one washes up. I suggested this as I was doing more than my share.