another row with ss.

[bananaloaf]

ss no longer lives with us due to a long standing saga with behaviour. lives in his own flat though comes back here as he plays rugby. another row ensused between us. really cant stand it now. thought that we could possible have someting resembling a couteous relationship but no. it is just not going to work. i can not forgive him for bring drugs into the house and placing the younger children at risk and that was the straw etc. sorry just needed to speak to someone as husband as usual is not here

Does he stay over when he comes for rugby? How old is your ss? Could he not stay with a mate or relative if possible? I don't know the whole story but can see how angry you would be about the drug thing, depending how long he visits for can you not keep out of each others way to limit contact and therefore arguements?

If he is old enough to live alone and you are not actively arenting him then just passing each other now again may be whats needed for a while. Would give you chance to get some perspective and him chance to mature and spend time with his dad?? hth - its hard to advise when you don't know the situation as we step families are all so different and complicated!

thanks kay for replying. we do just pass each other he prefers not to be in the house to visit when i am there, however nor do i feel that i should leave the house just cos he is visiting. husband brings him home on a friday night for training on sat and if he is playing a game on the sunday he will stay over till sun. all with the expectation that i will do the running around! his dad spends alot of time with him anyway as he tries to encourage him by letting him work with him. though that with him moving out that would help, but oh i just dont know, neither of us have family here.

hey bananaloaf -

don't you just find yourself thinking that 'when this changes this will improve' or 'if this happen surely that will be better' etc...

I find myself thinking this a lot - you know re; changes in house size or custody arrangement that my feelings about being a step-parent will somehow change also.

It's dis-heartening when old problems and relationship strains remain the same isn't it - am i making sense to you??? i can explain this better over coffee, call anytime

roo xxx

hey roo situation normal lol away next few weekends going to rugby,then aviemore for half term, catch up for a coffee towards end of month?

That's great, will see you soon, take care xxx