AIBU to be cross about DH pandering to DSD, or a witch?

[steppinstone]

That's it really... DH does EVERYTHING for DSD; all laundry, cooking, cleaning, wakes her up in the morning, makes her lunchboxes, collects her from everywhere at a drop of a hat. etc. He won't leave her alone in the evening because she doesn't like being on her own.

She has no friends - but I think these things are related: she is so 'entitled' and dependent and she gets cross with people for not 'obeying' her.

I am sick of it. I am refusing to cook for her and clean for her any more - I just leave them to it. It makes me dislike DSD and think DH is just a sap.

She is depressed - because of her lack of friends mainly - and is seeing CAMHS. So I think DH feels that he needs to look after her. But I just see it all as enabling more and more infantile dependent behaviour which makes her more and more unpleasant.

AIBU or a witch? Frankly I would like to like in a nice witchy cavern on my own at the moment.

DSD is 18.

Also hope you get it sorted steppin. I also have resident DSD who's 16, no other children at home yet, so maybe easier for me in some ways. But I'd be out of there for a lower tariff of behaviour from DH though, (I have occasionally gone off to a hotel). I insisted for example that DSD have a door key, starts using public transport for social trips, does her laundry etc. I've always noticed that she wants to grow up deep down; once at 13 she said "dad I'm not responsible for your feelings", hallelujah, when he tried a "you make me feel..." comment. I had a go at him for that, didn't happen again. She's becoming happily independent now loves walking the 2.5 miles to college (parents used to drive her the quarter mile between our homes!), makes friends v easily and has them over, cooks for herself etc. But her parents still sometimes slip into wanting to infantilise her...she's pretty good at resisting though and relationships are consequently mainly healthy. It can be hard when the other parent is actively in their child's life, but doesn't see or live with the consequences of their more negative behaviour, when as SM you do. Fortunately DH does listen to me though. His parents / sister always say that they've never seen him so happy. Once I replied that I wouldn't take any sh*t. I was mortified when I noticed DSD in the room, but she had a huge grin - phew!

Thanks cappy I'm a little humbled by your comments! . I hope that things are better for you. It's a tough call being a SM! You give me some hope when I admit I feel like a total failure really.

OP perhaps you feel like despondent too but getting some respite may really help, for you. It helped me! [

Thanks wdigin. God that just totally floored me, Ex wanting her daughter to move out, into ours again! Complete denial of the situation too, DSD still practically ignores me. I don't even know if DP and me should carry on living together (although signs are positive), and yet when I said 'hold your horses!' Again I was the bad guy! I'm putting a big barrier up around me and my two sons I think!