So I have five children of my own (aged between 6 and 17), and four step sons aged between 10 and 18.
Their mother moved to Greece to live with another man six years ago, and sends them birthday cards at the beginning of the year - not on the specific dates, so they could just open when appropriate, each with £50 in and an impersonal message. The same applies for Christmas -four identical cards with £50 in. She added the older two on Facebook but has never messaged them (even on their birthdays/Christmas/etc).
My DH works in America for a week every months or so, and in London for four days of the week, so for the past two years I have taken on the care of the boys, with help from MIL and various other relatives and family friends (nine children fan be a bit much!!)
Last week, their mother contacted the oldest boy saying she was coming to England in October and could she come and visit. He said no, because he has decided he doesn't want to see her - and he's off to university in a few weeks. He said she could contact the younger ones to ask if they wanted to see her, but that he had no interest. I didn't even know he'd said this until yeaterday, when I got an angry text from her number - a number I hadn't even saved as we've communicated maybe once asking me what I'd done to her children and why they "hated" her. She only contacted older DSS (the younger three haven't heard from her) and he tells me he was entirely civil and just asked not to see her. We never discuss her around the house, I simply comment that her cards are nice when they're opened and that £50 is very generous. Other than that, all I've done is take care of her children! She contributes to DH's account financially (we don't have a joint account) but I don't know how much, but has never before asked to visit or invited the boys to come and stay, or even tried to contact them.
Should I reply or just ignore? What do I do?