Stepson and Daughter licking/showing each other bums. How to handle?

[deVelvet]

Yesterday dss (5) and dd (6) were caught (for want of a better word) licking each others bums and dss showed his willy to dd.

DP and I sat them down together, discussed how private parts within pants should not be shown to anyone else and certainly no licking/touching etc.

Told them this behavior was very serious and to emphasise the seriousness we told them that they could get in trouble with the police.

Children were upset, of course as naturally I felt this was pure innocent but we had to nip in the bud.

We feel they understood about their private parts being for them only.

We don't bathe the kids together and as for toilet etc, girls go with girls and boys with boys etc. So this I feel was enough.

Anyway, I mentioned to dss mum about the conversation we had to have with both and now I'm worried that she may use this against us.

How normal is this behaviour? Did we deal with it ok? Any suggestions otherwise?

I understand your concerns, but it's not unusual for children of this way to explore or be curious about their own of other's bodies/genitals.
Perhaps check out the NSPCC's 'PANTS' campaign and explain it to them at their level.

I once heard of two boys (around 7 years old) who used to play doctors and examine each others penisis.

I'm a retired social worker with 30 years experience in child care and yes I saw lots of cases of sexual abuse, and many teachers reporting issues with 5 year olds in the playground etc. Thankfully we were sensible enough to know what was a cause for concern and what was normal child curiosity.

I think OP you have NO cause for concern at all. I recall as a child (and it was a loooong time ago!) that we used to play "doctors and nurses" at the bottom of our garden and we used to pull each other's pants down and put leaves in the "patient's" vagina. We were all girls but I'm sure we would have done it if boys were about. I think we were 6 or 7 - maybe 8 - I can't really remember. One of the parents must have got wind of it as we were told if we played that game again the "patient" could only have poorly arms or legs!

On another occasion my son and his female cousin (both aged about 3 or 4) were jumping about on the bed and I went off to do something and it went quiet so I had a peep and they were in bed together and my son had pulled off his cousin's tights and they were giggling - I have absolutely NO doubt that there might have been licking going on and whatever else. It's just natural childhood curiosity. If they were doing it aged 11 or 12 then yes there would be cause for concern.

I think you handled it well, especially stressing that private parts are private and no-one should be allowed to touch them (unless mom or dad are present - thinking of the possibility of a medical issue) Don't think I'd have mentioned the police but as you say they aren't scared and they've probably forgotten it all now.

I think it's really sad that we need to be so vigilant these days, and we do because paedophiles are predatory and will seek out ways of trying to get close to children.

Surprised nobody has called the boy a predator yet...

Thanks Nana, that's reassuring.

I was an idiot with the police thing I get that totally, so will also be emphasising the police force are to be trusted for help etc just incase anything did sink in.

My mum was sexually abused as a child by her stepfather for years, she only dealt with it late into her 30's and by this time I was a teenager so I saw what it did to my mum.
This has affected me and have always spoken to dd about the pants rule - obviously not enough though.

Have spoken to dss mum (we have a good relationship btw) about getting some books etc. I just never considered it my job to explain to dss about this, but I suppose it's to be enforced by all adults in his life

Really 3 lovely boys, that's a sad thought

There are some strange people on this website OP. There was a thread a few months back where little 5 year old children were getting changed for PE and a boy looked at a girl because you know, all children are curious at that age. A girl could have just as easily done the same. One or two people piped up and called him a predator ffs.

Hi deVelvet

You handled the situation the same way I would have, I wouldn't have mentioned the police though, maybe you said it at the heat of the moment...

P1nkP0ppy - Being a parent you should know that children sometimes do unexplainable things, it DOESN'T mean they've learnt it from somewhere.