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Step-parenting

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Original poster

help needed - reported for malicious ss report

33 replies

user1461734529 · 30/04/2016 09:57

After years of putting it off I made what I believed to be an anonymous report to ss about my step daughter and her half brother I won't go in to detail but the report was entirely true.
Social services contacted my step daughter and read her my report, then when she told them it was all a lie (she's 16) they told her that her and her mum should report me to the police for maliciously reporting her. I've spoken to ss and they agreed that what I did was malicious because both mum and daughter have denied it all.
Any idea what happens next?! She says she's called policeShockShock

OP posts:
RandomMess · 30/04/2016 10:00

I would look at the SS complaints procedure, confidentiality etc.

Are you sure that they don't just suspect it's you and they are lying about what SS have said to them?

TheUnsullied · 30/04/2016 10:02

She's bluffing. Your report was anonymous but your SD obviously had a very good idea it was you.

TheUnsullied · 30/04/2016 10:07

Though I am curious about what exactly is serious enough to report to SS but at the same time trivial enough that you put it off for years?

originalmavis · 30/04/2016 10:07

I think they have called your bluff. Did you confirm it was you?

Lunar1 · 30/04/2016 10:19

Could SS have said this because it has been going on for years and you reported it when dsd is legally an adult?

Or have things suddenly got worse so you went from borderline wanting to report to actually having to?

Nothing will come of a report to the police if you can justify why toy did it so I wouldn't worry. It was probably obvious it was you be the content without SS having to tell her.

Original poster
user1461734529 · 30/04/2016 10:21

The other things have been more trivial and I didn't believe they needed reporting but the thing that happened recently was bad and I thought I should say something. Dsd had called ss herself two weeks ago but mum had denied her claims and then dsd chickened out and said she'd made it up.
So it was more a case of wanting to back her up.
They know it was me because the ss worker read the whole report to them and showed it to dsd so she knew

OP posts:
TheUnsullied · 30/04/2016 10:23

I'd ignore the police threat then...if it's something SD has previously said is true and changed her mind on, the police won't touch a complaint against you confirming it.

Wdigin2this · 30/04/2016 10:25

I thought all reports to SS were confidential, I cannot imagine why this person would read it to your DSD, much less show it to her!

TheUnsullied · 30/04/2016 10:26

I'm dubious about SS telling them it was you...have SS confirmed that they breached confidentiality?

AndTakeYourPenguinWithYou · 30/04/2016 10:27

16 is not legally an adult. 18 is.

And SS do not state that reports are malicious just because the parties being reported deny it. Pretty much everyone denies it, don't they? They must have had much more reason than that to deem it malicious.

RandomMess · 30/04/2016 10:34

Perhaps they are trying to intimidate you so that you back off because SS are remaining involved?

Original poster
user1461734529 · 30/04/2016 10:34

That's what I said penguin! I asked the social worker if they always took the child's word for it and he told me if she had needed help then she would say so. I suggested maybe she denied it as she was scared of what her mum would do and he just didn't really say much. I found the whole thing really unprofessional and it's made things for Dsd 10 times worse.
She's isn't an adult, she's 16. And her half brother is very small.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1461734529 · 30/04/2016 10:35

Yes maybe randomess. You could be right.

Okay, I'll try to chill out. Was imagining being dragged away by police Blush

OP posts:
BaboonBottom · 30/04/2016 10:39

I'm guessing social services didn't tell them it was you, but did read the full report which left no doubt as to who rang?

The same thing happened to a friend of mine, the fall out was huge. Even though as in your case it was true.
I'm not qualified enough to comment on the police, although I'm sure as previous posters have said I can't imagine they will take it that heavily.

But what I can say is you, in your heart of hearts know you did the right thing, your step daughter knows you did the right thing and stood up for her (her loyalty will be to her mum, but you stood up for her), the mum also knows she was wrong with whatever happened.
Yes the fall out will be huge (my friends is rumbling on 5 years later) but you know you did the right thing.

My advice is to own the allegation "yes I did that because it was wrong" admit to the police it was based on what you saw /was told and was done with the best interest. After all if we didn't ring with concerns it makes us complicit in the abuse.

Scarydinosaurs · 30/04/2016 10:39

Who told you SS revealed it was you- SS or DSD's mother?

Original poster
user1461734529 · 30/04/2016 10:40

The unsullied - yes he said he read her the report and confirmed it was me when she asked.
He did then say he missed out the bits where I said my name. Dsd says he showed her it but she could be lying.
Fortunately despite her mum saying she can never see us again now, she says she will see us. So that's good

OP posts:
Original poster
user1461734529 · 30/04/2016 10:43

Thanks baboonbottom, I will stand by what I reported. I couldn't have forgiven myself had I not said anything and either of them suffered because of that.
It was Dsd who initially told me that ss told her it was me but then ss confirmed they had read her the entire report

OP posts:
Natsku · 30/04/2016 10:45

Surely its not anonymous if the social worker knew it was you to be able to tell DSD? I know in my country at least if you want it to be anonymous you can't give your name when you make the report as all reports are shown to the person concerned.

Natsku · 30/04/2016 10:47

Oops cross post - that was wrong of him to confirm it was you when asked if he hadn't said your name.

TheUnsullied · 30/04/2016 10:47

I'd go above his head to his manager RE confidentiality. It's a huge no for him to actually confirm it was you and very questionable for him to tackle the report in such a way that you were very identifiable anyway.

Don't worry about the police. Like I say, based on what you've said here, they won't touch this with a barge pole.

Original poster
user1461734529 · 30/04/2016 10:52

Thanks all. No I never said my name but I said "my husbands daughter"

OP posts:
Bananasinpyjamas1 · 30/04/2016 13:47

I don't know anything about ss but it would be worth speaking to a supervisor about your fears re police and confidentiality. You could ask what constitutes malicious intent as I imagine they have criteria about that. They should have a duty to you too, to explain the implications of anything you have passed on.

I would have thought, that if you have legitimate concerns, that you believe to be true, then it is incredibly important that you pass that information on to ss. Which you have. They are supposed to be able to investigate, if the police need to investigate too, well shouldn't that also be a good thing? It doens't mean you get into trouble. If you genuinely believe that there are things that are worrying, then either of these authorities jobs is to then find out impartially what to do next.

If there is no further evidence and this is denied, then at least that will be logged. If in the future something comes up, there will be a past record.

Original poster
user1461734529 · 30/04/2016 19:27

That's one of the reasons I did it. Along with in support of my step daughter. I thought they'd investigate... I never thought they'd call my dad and her mum and ask "is this true?"

OP posts:
Original poster
user1461734529 · 30/04/2016 19:27

Sorry I meant my "Dsd" and her mum

OP posts:
Lala1980 · 02/05/2016 09:05

I reported my DSD's step father to SS based upon allegations of sexual abuse. I thought it would be anonymous but DP's ex knew it was me not DP so I can't see they kept it anonymous.

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