Stepdaughter and a new baby on the way

[RamboBambino2016]

Hi, I'm now 10 weeks pregnant with my first baby (soo excited!!) I have a stepdaughter who is nearly 10 and is extremely excited to be having a brother or sister at long last! I've been with her dad, my husband for 8 years and me and my SD have a great relationship. I've always treated her as my own altho in more recent years have acknowledged that I will undoubtedly feel differently towards my own baby when it comes along because of the natural bond.

I've always been clear with my husband that I know my love for my own baby will be different to the love for my SD but as long as she doesn't ever feel that I think it's fine. I should mention that we have SD every other weekend and extra in school hols.

My current worry is not with my SD but actually with my husband. Whenever I mention being excited to just be at home with hubby and our baby when it comes he always pipes up 'don't forget SD'. It really puts a downer on how I'm feeling and makes me feel like he's expecting me to turn into a horrible stepmum who will push the SD out. I don't want that but equally I don't want us to feel like we can't do special things with our little one because it's not our weekend to have SD etc. I don't want to have to schedule all the fun things for my children and family things around when their big sister is with us......is that mean of me?

I think of things like taking advantage of holidays being cheaper before they start school etc which will obviously mean that we would go without my SD.

Interested in people's thoughts please! Am I being mean about this?

I think if you decide to have children with a partner who already has them then you sign up for this and you just have to suck it up. It's not going to be the same as if it was just the three of you, it's can't be. The dsd has to be taken into account as much as you and the baby, even if that disadvantages you in some ways.

Of course you'll have lots of special times with your DC and your DH. You can't put your lives on hold because DSD isn't there and sit quietly doing nothing.

Equally you will have special times when DSD is there.

Always one 'suck it up' on a SM thread.

I've got to say I never had this when I was having my first child. I just went with the flow as I knew I would have times with just DS and his dad and then times when his sister would be there too.
She came on our first family holiday together and it didn't bother me.

Weirdly, it was more when I had my second child that I actively wanted to do things without her. I guess that was just a symptom of other things going on though.

Thanks coco I did only contribute to ensure we met the statistic of course

I was an SM for six years and I contemplated all of this when considering whether to have my own - I realised I would simply have to deal with it. His kids were already there, existing and being just as important as mine.

I'd suggest you say something useful as to why I'm wrong rather than just be ignorant about my comment!

Confused. In your op you say you want to take advantage of cheap hols with the younger one before they start school but that sd couldn't come. But then you say you wouldn't plan holidays without her.
Which is it?

Generally, you are ten weeks pg, relax and don't try to plan/ control everything. Stop worrying and go with the flow. When you talk about yourselves as a family obviously your husband will want to include his daughter. But the age gap will be so big they won't be wanting to do the same things anyway.