Falling out between DH and his DD

[jac34]

DH has had a bit of a falling out with his DD.
He has always had regular contact with her every week, she is now 9yo,(he and his ex split before she was born).Recently she has not wanted to stay over with us, but still comes to spend the day on the weekend. However, DH now feels very "left out" as she will go to stay with her friends but will not come and stay with us. I can understand how he feels, he says he feels she is growing away from him, but I can also see that stepDD would rather stay with her friends, and it's just part of her getting older. I suppose we all feel our children grow away from us as they get older, whether we are living with them or not.
I'm just afraid he is going to ruin what has, so far been a close relationship, and all he has been through to keep contact going.

I don't have any direct experience but I know that as my youngest sister got older she wasn't quite so keen on spending the weekend with her dad. It's the time when they meet up with their friends and go into town etc. I suppose all you can do is try to explain to dh that dd's friends will never be able to replace her father. There will be times when she'd rather visit him than stay with friends. As long as she feels welcome she will at least be able to stay over now and again. Good luck.

She knows that she is always welcome in our home, and personally feel she is lod enough to decide for herself, but DH has really dug his heals in over this.We are due to go away for two weeks on Monday, I'm hopeing he'll have time to cool down.

Spoke to DH last night and got him to change his mind a bit.
He will have a chat with her and explain how he feels, then perhaps just see if she'll stay over once a month(still spending the day on weekends), or just when we have somthing planned for the evening, meal out,bowling,visit to the fair, etc.

Dear jac34 ......Gosh...this is so hard....Young girls, the age of his dd only think about their own needs...it is their age, nothing to do with her rejecting your dh...
My dd...12yrs old...was constantly wanting to stay away with friends...or ruining days out we had planned, because if she didn't get to do what she wanted, she made it quite clear that she was in no way going to enjoy what I had planned for the family.
Anyway...I now, sometimes, invite her to bring a friend along and have them sleepover here....that way I get to see her!
Is there someway when she stays over that your dh dd can bring a friend?

I totally sympathise Jac34, dp and dsd have a pretty turbulent relationship and she will often elect to stay over at friends, go out etc. She is now 16, so it is a bit different but to a certain extent, she has always called the shots!

I think we try and just be flexible with it. If she wants a different arrangement then that's ok, but we don't have to change the underlying arrangement. Basically, the times she is due to be with is are sacrosanct - ie we don't make other arrangements, but often she does. We feel this gives her continuity and stability but also space to do what she wants to do but we are there if she needs/wants us. We tend to find that sometimes she sticks close by and other times goes out a bit more, it just goes like that.

Perhaps that at 9, your dsd is just trying to spread her wings a bit? Hope the situation settles down