My husband seems to have cared more about his life before baby and me.

[Evie37]

My husband and I have a baby on the way (5 months) and we have sd on Saturdays.
My hubby was with his ex for 3 years on and off before he met me, and had his daughter after about 2 years with her. Before she got pregnant he wasn't anything special (a druggy and alcoholic, but he was young) but as soon as she got pregnant he shaped up, quit all substances, got them a child friendly house, had a few different jobs but was still consitently employed and became an amazing dad, which is all great.
I've been with my husband for 8 months, married for 3 (quick i know, it's just how it happened) and he had not been employed at all this entire time. We lived in a tiny, cramped apartment with a housemate and court was coming up for sd and we feared it would go badly without a better house. Hubby made no effort to get a house and we only have one now because i found one and organised everything, yet he easily got a few different houses for his ex every time she wanted to move.
I have single handedly paid for sds cot and car seat and spilt the cost of everything else for her because i love her.
We are literally poor and hubby won't get a job or even try, even though he was happily employed for his life with his ex.
I do chores but sometimes get very tired due to being 5 months pregnant and the house is so awful there are literally dishes covered with mold because hubby won't help me. But no way did he live like that with his ex, she just wouldn't have allowed it.
When hubby was with his ex they were even briefly engaged and what they had planned was far more extravagant than what we had (more money i guess).
I've been there for every court date, ever lawyer's appointment, EVERYTHING.
I know i shouldn't "compare" myself to his ex, but honestly he went to the moon and back for her, or maybe it was all for his daughter like he says (which would be great). But if that's true, why won't he for our girl...
Just tired of hurting.

Gooseberry, yes you're probably right about the exaggeration! But as for being so direct with advice....there is no other way when an OP is apparently unable to see what's directly in front of them!

It was 'stupid' and 'mistake' that made me flinch.

It was 'stupid' and 'mistake' that made me flinch.

There's no point in dressing this up as anything else Goose. Getting with a guy with no job, a young DC he obviously doesn't support and doesn't care that he may not see after court is not a wise move.

Living with him, getting pregnant within a few months and getting married a month later to someone who won't even do a dish to help you, nevermind get a job, wasn't clever. He is a waste of oxygen, no two ways about it

It's done, it can't be undone. These things do happen when you're not thinking with your head.

But OP has a baby on the way who deserves better than this and she can make a good life for her and her DD, but only away from him.

I don't believe for a minute he did any of that in his last relationship unless his ex sat down and told you how wonderful she was and she was only leaving him because his penis was too big

Sounds like utter bollocks to me

Leave with your kid, don't go back - that will be two kids he hasn't bothered with

You need to cut your losses and leave.
He will not change, you did not have enough time before getting married and pregnant to see the 'real' him - the person you are seeing now is what he will always be.

I can't understand your thought process in meeting a man who was: going through court proceedings for contact, unemployed, alcohol and drug issues in the not so distant past, leaves plates until they are mouldy, poor financial position for you both, allows you to buy his daughter's essentials..... And got pregnant to him and married him, and expected life to be different? Your unborn child deserves more than this OP. Do you think a man who leaves dirty plates until they are mouldy and can't buy a cot for the child he already has is capable of looking after a newborn? Do you work?

I'm not trying to be mean, but if you're so tired at five months pregnant that you're leaving dishes to grow mould (and your husband won't help), you are going to struggle big time with a newborn. Do you have anyone that can come round and help?

Oh, and I don't believe for a minute that he was ever a good partner to his ex, and nor is he a good father to his child. Why is there a court case?

Aye...it can be undone, well the marriage/relationship can be ended anyway! I just hope the OP has some very good and supportive friends/family, because she is sure going to need them!