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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Sharing bedrooms

65 replies

Superdry01 · 07/02/2016 11:18

Hi all.
I'm not quite sure if I'm being unreasonable with my situation.
I have 3 girls one is disabled and has her own room the baby still in with me and my 10 yr old shares her room with the step daughter every other weekend now the thing is my daughter has asked for new things for her room and has chosen a colour but my partner dad off stepchild as go e mental and told me that I always think off my own children and that it's both off the girls room. Ive said that his daughter has her own room in her own home and this is my daughter home but he won't have it and thinks that his daughter should have a say what goes in the room... I'm stuck on this and don't know what to do..
My daughter is very girlie and has put up with loads with her disibility sister. But my parnter says it's not ur daughters bedroom and it's a share room. Not being funny but stepdaughter only over every other weekend. Driving me mad.
My daughter asked me for a new tv as old one not so good and I've sad I get her one but my partner tells me why should ur daughter have a new tv it has to be a shared tv. Please can someone say wether im being over the top

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

HairySubject · 08/02/2016 11:43

Firstly I really think you and your children would be much better off without this disgusting man in your life.

But that wasn't your question so in regards to the bedroom aspect, I would decorate in a neutral colour, get your DD a loft bed/high sleeper and she can have a lovely dressing table underneath and a desk to study at. On the other side your DSD can have things that she would like. Jazz up the walls with posters and each have the type of bedding that reflects their interests. A neutral colour carpet and curtains. TV where they can both see it. Jobs a good un.

FaithLoveandHope · 08/02/2016 11:44

He sounds awful and I can understand why you're defensive about your DD's room. As others have said the decor sounds like a huge distraction from the real issues. I know it's so hard accepting things aren't working out but you're doing well for talking about it here. You need to get out of there. Think about it, would you ever even dream of calling his child a retard? I bet you wouldn't. That's a vile thing to say and he sounds like a lazy, irresponsible parent and an even worse partner.

HairySubject · 08/02/2016 11:45

Oh your daughter could also have some lovely pink voil curtains around her bed to make a lovely 4 poster effect and create some privacy, pink fairly lights wrapped around the ends of the bed. pretty pom poms or bunting hanging from the rails, lots of girly cushions.

All stuff that is removable and changeable as their interest change.

I haven't seen how old your dsd is but I am sure there are plenty of things you can do to make her side special to her.

Bananasinpyjamas1 · 08/02/2016 17:10

OP please just get out of living with this man right away. It's bad for your kids and for you.

swingofthings · 08/02/2016 18:38

From a perspective of a step-child whose been there, just wanted to write about the comment 'but she has her own room at her other house, so she doesn't need the same say here'.

Remember that the step-child has not chosen to have TWO bedrooms. If their wish were exhausted, they would most likely swap and have just one room with both their parents living with them. Having a bedroom is not just a necessity or a luxury. A bedroom is most of all a sanctuary where you feel protected, comfortable, relaxed, so that this extends to the rest of the house and then to the rest of the family. Feeling that your bedroom is not yours is very close to feeling that the family is not yours either. You are just a visitor. This feeling will have huge repercussion on the child's behaviour, and most likely as they grow up and has an even more increasing need for the sanctuary of their bedroom, will prefer to stay at their resident home where they will be able to seek refuge in their bedroom.

Encouraging your daughter to act like the room is hers and that she only shares it because she has too, or because she is kind is certainly not the way to make the SC welcome to your home and family.

lookluv · 08/02/2016 19:50

Presumably OP your DD has a room with her father aswell, just like the situation with your DSD.

I shared a room with my sister - neutral colour and then we decorated our own halves.
not sure this situation is any different.

WhoGivesAFlying · 08/02/2016 20:37

The bedroom is the least of your problems, please leave this bully, I can't believe he said that to your DD

Original poster

Superdry01 · 08/02/2016 21:05

Oh that's just a tad off what his done my daughter called the police on him once as he was abusive to me and her plus my disibility child but his also like it to his own child.. but it's never him it's always my fault and I'm always in a mood far as his concerned.. I've had a chat to him tonight and all I got was I work I get up at 4 in the mornings so I said yep u do and my job with the children is 24/7 and I don't get to have a break..... I don't feel that I've got much left in me to deal with him 3 yrs off a shit life. Im also scared off staying alone having no one as I've lost all my family coz off him he went to puck my mum once and they hate him. I don't know what's stopping from leaving him as I know I don't want this

OP posts:

Original poster

Superdry01 · 08/02/2016 21:05

Punch

OP posts:

Original poster

Superdry01 · 08/02/2016 21:07

There so much his done he went to push me thou a door once and called the police on me like I done something wrong

OP posts:

Lilyannapollyanna · 08/02/2016 22:13

OP put your kids first for gods sake and leave the bastard

Wdigin2this · 08/02/2016 23:11

If you stay with this abusive man because you're afraid of being alone, you're a fool. You're also, by the sound of things, putting your children at risk! Get out as fast as you can, and go back to where you previously lived....at least you knew people there!

LeaLeander · 09/02/2016 00:06

My God, why are you with this vile scum? Why are you allowing him to abuse your children?!

What2 · 09/02/2016 09:40

You have to leave him. For yourself and your children.

Perhaps you could contact your family and ask for their support. If you explain what has happened they might understand.

Good luck.

neonrainbow · 09/02/2016 12:48

It is hard op. He has removed you from everything familiar toyou a distanced you from your family so he has you marooned by yourself. If you asked your family for help in leaving him, would they support you? You dont have to do it by yourself. Perhaps call womens aid?

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