Issue - Sharing a gift (computer) with the stepbrother

[ElliesPhotography]

Ladies,

now what I do. My son (10) got a nice laptop for christmas from his real dad. I bought the sims 4 game for this laptop for him and he loves it. My partner son (8) wants to play the sims 4 on my son's computer, even though I bought him the Sims 3 for the x-box (there is no sims 4 available). The issue is that the small boy is requiring to play on my sons computer like they are sharing the computer equally. Now in the evening, I was busy doing some photoshop lessons with my son on the computer and my partner politely asked me to give a go to his son on the computer because he is going to bed soon. He said he promised his son he will be able to play there before bed.

I find it quite unfair and don't feel very comfortable about how it is especially because when my partners son gets something, its his primarily and my son can play only when it is free to play. My partner always comes up with a stupid excuse that his son comes for 4 days a week so my son has 3 days a week to play on his own, but I dont find that a valid reason anyway.

Please share your thoughts.

Oh, I think I've misread it actually. Two other laptops but no other game. I'd be buying a second copy and saving all the hassle!

Or get him sims 3 for the laptop. Cheaper and runs on lower specs. The laptop versions are so much better than console versions so no wonder he's itching for a go on the laptop even though he has his Xbox game. Even sims 2 would probably do and you can get that for peanuts

I'm all for sharing, and it's nice your son gives the little one a go, but he shouldn't be booted off it and he shouldn't be expected to share it equally.

It was a gift to him from his Dad. I'd be pissed off if a gift I bought my child became a shared gift between my child and my exes dps child. Your dp shouldn't be promising turns on items that do not belong to him.

I'll admit I'm prob bias though. My stepmum used to take my toys off me and give to her son in the name of "sharing" but id be punished if we touched her ds stuff as "you've got your own toys" Toys that dad said had to stay at his in case my sister (mums dd with stepdad) touched them. So Dad thought my mums dd shouldn't be playing with my stuff, cos he paid for it, but perfectly fine for his wife to remove my things from my hands to give to her ds.

My 10yr old dd loves the sims, she's spent lots of time creating them (she makes them to themes of her fave TV shows, quite creative really) and she's really funny about others playing on it in case they accidently undo her progress, or delete her sims.

Could dss chose some items to eBay to cover the cost of the game?

Ahh, I could see this coming! Argument!

8am in the morning. I can hear DS and SS bickering in the lounge for the computer! So I come in, issue clear - they got up and SS wants to go on the computer first, and my son is explaning to him its his computer and he will have a go first and then SS can have a turn after when he is finished. SS kicking off. So I got in and politely explained to my SS it's my sons laptop and he has a preference, and of course SS will have a turn after and I'll make sure he has a proper turn every day. My partner comes into that, interupting me and telling my son (like it is his fault), that everything in this house is equal and they need to sort it out together and that SS comes for 3-4 days only and my son has the rest of the days to play by himself so he should think about it. And then I made a point - that dear SS likes to play on the x-box and we made him to have the preference to play in the mornings for last months, so my son does not get a turn on x-box in the mornings. So along with what I said before, there should also be some respect for my son to have the preference on the laptop and DS to play after. Ahhh he didn't like any of that!! Now he is pissed of with me and left the room. I wanted to finish it on a positive note with kids, actally SS understands me what I am saying and is fine with it, but no, dear partner is pissed off and again steps into my discussion with them telling me to leave it! Now he does not speak to me:)

And girls, spending the £30 for another game is not really the point. I more want some respect, and also, I'm not giving in and buying a game and letting the SS to play on my own computer that is very expensive and is essential for my work. And my partner is too comfortable to share his notebook with his son, and he wants my son to accomodate his son. Yes my son is caring and shares but the world is not revolving around SS's wishes only and getting his way all the time.

You really do have to stand your ground over this. If I was your son's dad, I would be seriously pissed off that my child was being made to share presents I'd bought, on the say so if your boyfriend.

Yes your relationship has returned to the same state it was in before you left last time. What is your plan this time?

I don't think you should be sharing your work computer so that SS can play on the game, this is an issue for his dad to resolve.

Vaginaaa I got the SS the Sims 3 for the x-box for christmas to avoid all of this, but he just wants to play sims 4 on the laptop and does not even touch that sims 3.

I used to have this when our kids were younger. Dss used to use ds iPod (bought by me and ds dad). My dp would insist my ds share it.

We then bought dss an iPod. Dss would then leave it at his mums house and still want to share my ds iPod at ours.

I'm an only child as is my ds. To my ds credit, he always shared it with good grace but I look back now and think I should have put my foot down and told dss, that if he couldn't bring his own iPod which we had bought for him, then he should leave it at ours or go without.

I got all the sob stories from dp about how it was unfair his kids had two homes and had two lots of stuff but I never remember him encouraging them to look after stuff and I know that things were taken from ours to mums that myself and ds dad had bought for him.

Looking back all DSc thought that my ds stuff was communal but I don't remember them sharing anything of theirs!

Put your foot down on this one.

thegreenhen did you even make your partner to understand this? Because my DP just looks at it that his dear children come for 3-4 days so its very fair to make them first!

He will never admit it but thats how it is!

I'm feeling sorry for your ds here. It's a bit tough to be accused of not wanting to share when you're always feeling the pressure of someone breathing down your neck waiting for their turn. So he can't even really enjoy his own laptop much.

Stand your ground on this one, OP. Stick up for your son.

What would happen if your dss broke/damaged your son's laptop?

I am very keen on sharing, and have rules such as no eating sweets in front of people without sharing.
But a personal laptop? Its not fair to expect that tone shared, although if the older boy offered it would be kind. But before the little one goes on, some agreement needs to be in place about what happens if he breaks or damages it. What if it gets broken but you can't prove who did it? What if it getrs left somewhere where a third party accidentally knocks it over? Who pays?

It is quite normal for siblings to have their own possessions in non blended families, I can't see why your do thinks it is a blended family issue.
It does make me wonder if this points to your dp being over controlling, and a bit disrespectful of your son. He has no right at at all to insist on his son being allowed to use the laptop, and I think this is a big red flag. I also think its asking for trouble with ds' s father, who is bound to hear about it.

After this morning I would be saying to dp it's is my SONs laptop bought as a present from HIS FATHER (Ie not me ) and I will NOT be making him share and that's final. If he wants his own son to have a laptop and this game then HE does what ds OWN FATHER did and buy one for him.
I would tell him I'm not responsible for his child's happiness HE IS and it is not my child or my child's fathers responsibility.

However I would be questioning the future of this relationship.

It sounds like you need to have a potentially difficult conversation with your partner about the rules going forward before your DS becomes a second class citizen in his own home , stick up for your son he is your main priority .

Good point by poster above - I have 3 children and they are taught to respect their siblings personal possessions. They do share (eg x box games) but only on invitation and are never forced.

All thr dc in my house are full siblings and we have the same rules for personal things. They have tablets and consoles that are theirs and ds1 got a laptop at Christmas. They do all share but they are also all allowed to say no it's mine and I'd rather you didn't use it. If it's something like the TV in the living room or the main desktop computer then that has to be shared and I will wade in to arguments about it and sort out what is fair but personal gifts it is entirely up to the owner. And as such they seem to be pretty good at offering shots to the others.
The 3-4 days a week is irrelevant it doesn't stop belonging to your ds on the days dss is there. Yes it is his home half the time but that doesn't mean he gets to own half of everything while he's there.
I'm with you on this one and I'd stand firm.

Another thing - during this argument in the morning, my son came across with a good point, that the older SS that is 13 has is own laptop and his own things and he never has to share with anyone (because it was always presented he is older and he is a teenager and the 2 small ones should leave him alone). So I reacted - well fair enough the 13 yo stepson should sometimes let the small ones to go on his laptop for 10 minutes or so. That part was finished. My partner got absolutely fuming about it. That why do I mix the older son into that (I didn't even iniciate the conversation about him I just answered the question). Now I spoke to my partner in the kitchen and I told him I found it neccessary to make it clear between the small kids and to leave it on a positive note. And he is all angry with me swearing at me that why do I involve the teenage step son into that, basically making me feeling bad.

Of course the older boy is relevant. He's just pretending he isn't because it weakens his argument.
If the 13yo is allowed to have personal possessions that he doesn't share, then so is your son. I would say that yes, there are things that of course he will share, but that his laptop is a different issue and is not up for grabs.

Sounds to me as if you need to stop his word being law just because he shouts and swears about things. Stand your ground. Your son will thank you for it.

Just read your past threads :(

Why are you still subjecting your son to this bully? Poor little sod.

Get rid of the man and his children, please.

Ellie Please read through your thread of 5th July. Remind yourself just how horrible this man is to your son across the board.

Please, PLEASE, for the sake of your son, LTB do something about this.

The more you post, the worse this relationship seems. I agree you need to ditch this man and put your own child first.

I never do understand why some people are so desperate to hang onto to a partner that they will subject their kids, who have absolutely no say in the matter, to any amount of shit. Hell would freeze over before my kid had to share his laptop bought by his other parent with my new bloke's children. Family consoles and tech, yes, personal lap tops and tablets, no.

Seems this is an ongoing situation OP and to be honest your partner sounds like a real prick.