Is it fair to not take Stepkids on this special holiday?

[zazas]

OK - some more advice appreciated! My friends are just so far removed from a situation like mine - so it is great getting other views of people who have had experience even if I agree with them or not.

Next year we are planning to go home for a visit to NZ where I am from and where I have not been back to in 8 long years. I am beyond desperate to see my family and friends and will have a new baby to introduce as well as my other 2 who are very aware of their 'kiwiness'! It is also to coincide with my 40th (gulp) which I plan to share a celebration with a very close friend (born same time).

Anyway we can just about afford to travel at Christmas time with my two and baby but obviously DP wants to take his two children who will be 8 and 7. In a perfect world so would I but unfortunately it is a cost issue (flights are about ?800 - ?900 each) and the fact that we can stay with family / friends as 5 but as 7 is being met with some resistence. Same with a car - we will be lent one that seats 5 but nothing to seat 7.

We normally always go together on holiday and I would never contemplate going anywhere without them except for NZ - well we would never consider going there unless I was from there!

So do we go without them explaining it is a trip home for me and my kids to see family etc and down play the whole thing - or do we extend ourselves massively to financially be able to do it. Or do we not go and I just deal with the reality of the situation of being a step family?

I know DP would miss them terribly and hate not sharing this with them but do you think he could just once cope with this situation (for me) under the special cicumstances?

Or do I just go alone with my 3 to reconnect with my roots??

Thoughts.........?? Thanks

Yeah you understand anniemac! We are thinking about DP coming for less time - so he can have time with his kids too. Like your DH he wants to introduce our new baby, see NZ and meet family / friends, with me so he can understand me more! Of course it is important for me to show my 3 kids where they are also from and for me to show them where I grew up. I don't know if you ever feel like this but when we are out in the woods / fells etc I find I can't share experiences with the children as I didn't grow up here and don't know the plants / animals like I do in NZ. I am desperate to share this with them and for me to get back in touch with my roots - it is like a painful longing - maybe it is my mother earth preggie side at the moment!

Don't get me wrong I would love to share this with my stepkids too but if it is a choice of not going at all or only going with my three and would find it hard in this one instance not to justify doing things separately.

Have only skimmed the discussion so I apologise for repeating anything. We recently took DSD on holiday with us but She is our only step child and we only have one child of Our own so it wasn't to big a problem (anyway I thought DSD could use a break from her BM ) If Step children live with you or spend most of there time with you then I think they should go but if not then they are old enough to understand that is really about YOUR family. It is like a family reunion from what I can tell. Would you take Step children to a family reunion. Just coz it is in NZ makes no difference really to me.

dont take your step children - take them somewhere special closer to home. I dont say that to be mean. but this is for you. You and your dh can do something special on another occaison with dsds ie disney or centreparks something like that. your family has two parts (your birthfamily and your partner/ husbands family which includes any children he may have have previously) it is only natural at times there will be things to do with either side that will be special for that side as the family as well as the wholes family together, it doesnt mean that you care any less.