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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Sanitary items

19 replies

Busybuzzybumblebee · 03/11/2015 12:51

Hi, not posted here for a while as everything has settled and all ticking along nicely.

However I need some advice on my dsd (14) we have a relatively good relationship but she doesn't overly talk with me or open up, however a few times over the last few months when I've been cleaning the kids room after her staying I have found tampons and tampon wrappers just left on the windowsill, apart from finding this rather unpleasant it's also my toddlers room and don't want him accidentally picking them up or touching them. I have put a bin in there by the windowsill and there is a bin in the bathroom. I did mention the bin being there for anything private as its lidded and nothing has changed. I said again more recently can you not leave sanitary items on window sill and again said about bin in room and the one in the bathroom, said that she's welcome to use anything in bathroom and made sure she knows where sanitary items are but she is still doing it. I don't want to tell her dad and embarrass her and he would be very blunt about it but des ignoring me saying anything and frankly I find it disgusting. What's the best way to deal with it without causing world war 3, which is generally what happens when pulled up on anything, things had been so good recently too

OP posts:

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purpledasies · 03/11/2015 13:23

Have you left some little disposal bags in the bathroom too? She may be nervous of putting a messy item directly into a bin.

Can't say I'd be that bothered about the wrappers really, but used tampons should definitely be going straight into the bin!

TheyCallMeBell · 03/11/2015 13:35

Is she actually leaving used tampons/towels on the windowsill? That's utterly disgusting.

I'd sit her down one more time and tell her it's not acceptable. Used sanitary items go in the bin in the bathroom. Nowhere else. Tell her you understand it's an embarrassing topic, but that she needs to follow that rule. Would she rather her dad found them?

If that doesn't work, you have no option but to involve her father. Make sure she knows this.

Original poster

Busybuzzybumblebee · 03/11/2015 13:50

The actual used items and used applicators all left on the ledge. I do find it hard to believe she would find it gross putting it straight into the bin without bags but ok leaving it on the ledge. But I'll buy some bags and speak to her again when she's down at the weekend.

OP posts:

MeridianB · 03/11/2015 14:04

It's gross behaviour.

I wondered about bags, too. Nappy sacks are ideal - take a few out at a time if you don't want her to see them as related to nappies.

Maybe ask her what she does differently at her mum's and at school.

After that, if she still does it I'd ask her Dad to have a word.

captainproton · 03/11/2015 14:10

well I had similar last month regarding DSS and a used condom. I had encountered them before but the last time was the final straw. I took a photograph of it and emailed it to DH and said as DSS was his child could he deal with it / have a word. I think DH was in denial the first time I told him, but you can't ignore a picture.

WW3 did happen but all calmed down in the end, I think being shamed into actually using a bin is the best way.

I know DSS probably has very little respect for me other than domestic slave so I feel DH needs to take over. I have enough with the other ones.

TheyCallMeBell · 03/11/2015 15:59

OMG. How do these children learn to be so disgusting?!

PrettyBrightFireflies · 03/11/2015 20:25

My DD did this at her dads house - never at ours though.
Like you, OP, Her stepmum found the items, but she did tell DDs dad, he told me and he and I sorted it - she was left in no doubt that it was unacceptable.

She's never done it again.

How can your DP and his ex parent their DD if you are covering for her? Who would have found the items if you weren't there?
Let the parents, parent.

(And yes, bell, disgusting was a word I used to describe DDs behaviour when talking to her)

Wdigin2this · 04/11/2015 00:07

i would find that totally unacceptable, and if she is still doing it after you having mentioned it more than once...you have to let her DF parent her! Or if that's just too awkward, are you in amicable contact with her DM, could you have a word with her?

Bananasinpyjamas1 · 04/11/2015 11:13

I think if you've given a warning, told her Dad, nothing has changed, then you need to step it up. Ask her DF again as Wdigin said - try being really gentle, not saying it a put down, more as a concern.

If that doesn't work, maybe you could try getting her the next time, taking her to the room and trying to be calm, appealing to her 'adult' self? Start out by saying that you appreciate it is hard sharing a room with a toddler, start with being on her side, ask if there is anything that will make it easier for her sharing her room and privacy for her. Then say that you don't ask for many things, but you do need for the bin to be used.

I bought my DSDs a couple of books about 'being a teenage girl' - which was about all sorts of things including hygiene, all the basics as well as getting on with friends etc. I just left them in their rooms and just said really briefly 'got something, not sure if it's any use, feel free to ignore if you dont' like it'. They were completely devoured and a lot of good habits suddenly appeared!

Wdigin2this · 05/11/2015 01:09

Good idea Bananas!

StrawberryTeaLeaf · 05/11/2015 01:16

Bananas' ideas are good, practical & constructive.

swingofthings · 05/11/2015 11:28

Why don't you take her out somewhere one day and after you've opened up the conversation, you gently ask her why despite putting a bin there, she doesn't use it. Don't do so accusatory, just say that maybe she just forgets which can happen, but that it is particularly important she tries not to as it is not a nice thing for the toddler to come across or anyone else for that matter.

I wouldn't certainly try this before taking it to the next stage and telling her you'll need to speak with her dad.

Neverenuff · 05/11/2015 15:10

IME I wouldn't get involved. You have alreadyasked her shown her what to do and use. Tell dad let him deal with it. I have done this and told him to ask her mum to have a word. This might be worth a shot

DriverSurpriseMe · 05/11/2015 15:15

Used tampons on the windowsill? Bizarre.

I think I would start leaving them for her dad to find, too. There is no acceptable excuse for that behaviour. She's making a conscious decision to do this.

Thymeout · 06/11/2015 08:59

I also think she's doing it on purpose, on some level. Like a cat using your bed as a litter tray, when you've done something to annoy it.

Refer to dad.

bessiebumptious2 · 02/12/2015 19:10

As thymeout said, I'd refer to her dad to deal with this now. You've tried and it hasn't worked so needs a heavier hand, so to speak.

And if it still didn't stop? She'd be finding said items in between slices of bread, presented to her as a sandwich. After all, she clearly doesn't find it disgusting.

Yeah, ok, maybe that's a bit OTT. But I'd want to do that!

ginandjuice · 02/12/2015 22:07

That's fucking disgusting. What a rank thing to do. Tell her to get her act together.
Disgusting girl.

Tiggeryoubastard · 02/12/2015 22:12

What thyme out said. It's onevstemsown from shitting on your bed, the filthy cow (14 or not, that's disgusting). You've raised it, she's ignored and it's carried on. It's time to tell her dad, and get him to deal with it firmly. She needs to be told and, yes, shamed, because that's shameful behaviour.

Tiggeryoubastard · 02/12/2015 22:13

its one step down from shitting. Sorry, fat fingers.

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