Hold my hand please other step mums.

[avocadosarentmiddleclassed]

I have been posting lately about co sleeping 8 year old DSD.
Since last posting DH has become very very proactive about setting good boundaries and holding most of the weight of ensuring DSD sleeps in her own room- we've had good results and as for behaviour (DSD struggles socially) we are keeping on top of things and DSD has responded well to this more clear expectation of her manners.

Anyway I have just told her off quite strongly for the first time ever.

I was brushing my hair and looking out of the window at DSD and a friend crying because she had been pushed by DSD.

This is how 99% of DSD's interactions with friends ends.

I ran outside and called DSD in the mean time DSD had persuaded her friend to come back into our garden to play. When they both came back I said to DSD's friend what did DSD do to make you cry? At that point both DSD and her friend lied and said that the pushing was just part of the game hen ran onto the trampoline, I called DSD back and asked her to tell me the truth she again lied.

I said that she has lost her screen time for the day and she needed to go inside- I said how dare you lie to me.

DH and I went up to her room and she was upset (probably shocked to be told off by me) I asked why she pushed her friend and she said she thought it would be funny.
I asked her why she lied to me and she said because she didn't want me to be angry with her.

I told her I was angry that she had lied to me because she had lied to her Dad on Friday night too and if she lies it feels like she's disrespecting me.

She struggled with impulses to play in a rough way regardless of the type of playing her friends want to engage in- hence having no friendships to speak of at school.

I told her that she is a good person but she's just done a bad thing and that I love her and I too used to get told off for such mistakes as a child so I know how she is feeling (she was wimpering and ashamed)

I feel quite shaken up by the whole experience I know that neither her mum or dad would have taken quite such a hard line but I'm just desperate for her to have happy relationships with friends and she won't have this if she thinks that it's funny to physically harm others.

Her cousin has just been diagnosed with Asbergers and Im in the middle of wondering whether she has these social problems because of mild autism but her mum and dad would be very defensive and angry with me for suggesting this so I just have to work with the knowledge and understanding of her that I'be got.

Sorry for rambling phew.

Amy advice greatly appreciated.

I am wondering the same about 3yr old DSS but I am trying to research first, I first noticed when he was 2 that he toe walked a lot and now at 3 years and 5mths that he doesn't speak well, likes to have alone time and isn't potty trained. (in fact am planning to post for advice soon)It is really hard to bring up that sort of thing, Maybe ask your man why he thinks she does it and google together so he can draw his own informed conclusions?
As for telling her off, good on you she was naughty and got told off, and you talked about why with her, sounds spot on to me

You told her off, and then explained why you told her off and why it wasn't acceptable - sounds to me like very much the right thing to do!

I can completely empathise with you because I hate being lied to, and have lost my temper at my DSS on the odd occasion when he has lied in order to prevent being told off. By explaining to her why you lost your temper, it probably helped make your point too.

By the sounds of it, she just needs a bit of encouragement to try to behave better in social situations. Does she play sports? If she's quite keen on 'rough play' it might be worth exploring if there are any opportunities to engage in some rougher activities such as sports so that she doesn't have to play "gently" all the time (in a way so that she can let off some steam!) and then explain that in other situations (such as playing with friends in different settings) she must be more careful. Although make a point of being clear that deliberately hurting somebody else is never acceptable, even in "rough play" situations.