I'm struggling with life as a step parent, 4 kids full time is hard.

[Thatslife72]

In the last few weeks I have moved to a new area with my 2 children, my partner has 2 children also who seem to be living with him/us more and more. The children get on well 90% of the time and we do lots of things together. My partner I love he is lovely and I know he loves me, but I am struggling. We have bought a house together and have an equal share so things are balanced as far as that is concerned, but we're on his patch if you like, he has his friends and family and I have no one close by. I knew there would be times we would side with our own kids but his mum also sides with his kids and expects us to have his all the time as mine are here all the time, but she doesn't realise how hard it is sometimes, doing 3 separate school runs, cooking for 6 people every night making sure everyone is ok and homework done etc. dealing with tantrums etc etc. also the 1 night a week their mother picks them up from school and sees me she is quite rude to me, not with words but looks and keeping her children away from me etc. it's all getting to me really. I don't understand why she doesn't want her children more either! Is this normal! I'm hoping things will get better. I've joined some groups locally too in the hope of meeting new friends etc maybe I will feel better once I have my own support group here. I'm just so tired. I thought it was hard being a single mum lol! Just needed to get it off my chest"

Hang in there. We have four between us too, and it is very hard indeed! I'm on my 4th load of laundry tonight (one more to go) and have done countless washing up loads today. All while refereeing the clan, who love each other to bits but can also fight like cat and dog siblings can. Its exhausting and a huge step up from two (I have two, DP has two).

You're doing better than you think you are. And believe it or not, if the kids are choosing to be with you and getting along 90 % of the time you are nailing it. You'll catch up with yourself when you make more friends locally. Is your DP aware of how much you're doing and able to give you time out? Even an hour or two alone helps, I know. Or the chance to go to the supermarket alone, or with just one of the DC!

Happy to pass the and have a listen if you need to offload.

Why have you posted this twice? With two different titles?

Oh thanks Choco, it's good to hear from someone in the same situation, how long have you 2 been together? Did you have teething problems at the beginning? They all get on most of the time I'm just getting bogged down that's all. It's hard being a step parent isn't it, though I love it sometimes when they're all together. I think the problem is my dp hasn't really realised how much there is to do no. I've a had an evening to myself tonight and it's given me chance to think.

Lilacspunkmonkey, if it matters to you that much,met was suggested to me to do so as step parents understand the issues, and I didn't realise there was one. Hope that is ok with you!

Thanks again chocoraisin ??

How long have you and your partner been together? Did you spend lots of time as a family of 6 before moving in together?

If it is any consolation 4 kids (whether bio or step) is hard work, in my experience it just gets harder as they get older as there is more washing/taxi-ing. I can understand that you feel exhausted; just make sure that your DP is pulling his weight too.

Is your DP doing his share? We only have all four kids on alternate weekends but on those days I can barely move by the evening! I absolutely love having them all here but I don't think I could do it full time. And DP is very hands on and does an equal share of housework and parenting etc

throwingpebbles, do u work as well? The thing is it's very early on, I kind of thought I could do all the housework but it's starting to prove I can't and have any time for myself or my business so will have to start delegating a bit more. His older child phoned him yesterday wanting to come bless her, but she couldn't as he was out with friends and so was I . It's not I don't want them here it's just hard work that's all.

I would have been amazed if you'd written to say that all had gone easy peasy and everything was in place after only 2 weeks.

I moved with my partner and kids in his house (although after a lot of work done to it), and neither of us expected the impact this would be, and that's without him having children. We were all set in our ways, and trying to compromise rather than convincing the other that our way was quite a task. For quite some time, he felt invaded, and I and the kids felt we were not home. Then he accused me of not treating the house like home, so we got stuck in a vicious circle. To be honest, I would say that it took about a year to adjust where I started to feel at home and he started to relax and accept that it wasn't just his home any longer. Once that happened, everything clicked into place.

My advice would be to make sure to make time for both of you, concentrate on listening to each other rather than trying to impose views, and don't expect too much too soon. Focus on being kind to each other rather than doing things right. Don't try to do too much and don't feel guilty for it. Talk, talk and talk about it all and when you don't agree, make compromises. It might be to agree with one thing that is important to him whilst he agrees to one thing that is important to you.

Whatever you do, don't put yourself under pressure so you don't build resentment.

Yeah I work as well! I tried to get some work done yesterday evening after having all four here but turned my laptop on and realised I was fit for nothing but watching TV!! and he really does pull his weight and his kids are lovely, better behaved than mine! It's a lot and you do need everyone (him, their mum etc) to be pulling their weight.