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Step-parenting

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DD's crush on DSS causing problems

3 replies

MarniePaysley · 10/09/2015 21:58

Rather a long post, so please bare with me.
DH and I were both previously married, I have a DD who's now eleven and he has two boys, 13 and 15. DH moved from Scotland to London after the divorce, however he and BM worked very hard to make sure he still had contact, boys came to visit him every vacation and he'd travel back and forth, a year after moving to London, we started a relationship and then eventually got married. Thankfully our kids have always gotten along, it's been five years now and not an issue, partly I believe because of the short amount of time DD and the boys have spent together, during the holidays / alternate weekends she visits her father, so when the boys are around, she rarely is. This summer BM, the boys and BM's new DH all moved down to London for various reasons. Everyone was rather happy, especially me as DD would be starting year seven and with the boys enrolling in the same secondary school, she would have two older boys looking out for her. Over the summer DD was practically glued to DSS 1, the 15 year old. Showing him around town, introducing him to her friends, sitting next to him all the time, he wasn't too bothered, so I left it alone, assuming she was just excited and would eventually calm down, she hasn't. In fact, she's gotten worse. She's never made an issue about going to see her father and now all of a sudden, his house is boring and she'd prefer to stay with us. When DSS 1 goes to his BM's house, she sulks and asks to go over, which starts an argument and ends with her going to her room. Talked to DH about it and he thinks it's just cute, which doesn't help at all. Then talked to DSS 1 who says "she's a little annoying but I can live with it" as nice as that is, I don't want him to have to live with it. Tried to talk to DD about it but she just got horribly embarrassed and didn't want to talk about it at all, no one else seems to think it's an issue, so will she grow out of it or should I keep trying to stop it before it escalates?

OP posts:
Morganly · 10/09/2015 23:50

I think that you do need to back off a little bit as everyone else seems fairly chilled about it.

However, she shouldn't back out of seeing her dad. Don't let her stop doing that. Horribly hurtful for him.

I don't really understand the bit about when your DSS sees his mum. She wants to go too, you don't let her, she sulks and then she gets sent to her room? I agree she shouldn't be intruding on his time with his mum but not sure why going to her room is the only alternative.

thegreenhen · 11/09/2015 07:10

I'm actually surprised this doesn't come up more often.

When I posted about my then 14 year old ds and 14 year old dsd, the general consensus was that I was being daft.

I know your daughter and step son are younger but I was very worried that our kids might have started a sexual relationship together.

Dsd lives full time with us and followed ds around like his shadow. He too thought she was mildly irritating but put up with it.

Nothing happened (as far as I'm aware!), and they are now 17 and barely talk to each other.

It went on for a while - a good year or so and dp ignored it for fear of upsetting his dd.

I think you're right to keep an eye on it and try and get your dd interested in other things.

Wdigin2this · 14/09/2015 08:50

If everyone else is OK with it, you're probably best to back off a little. But, she shouldn't be allowed to miss seeing her dad, and yes keep a careful eye on the situation...if it escalates, then step back in, but it'll probably fizzle out eventually!

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