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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Practical suggestions for accommodating step children in a smallish house

27 replies

throwingpebbles · 27/08/2015 15:11

DP and I are hoping that he will move in with me by the end of the year. Looking to buy our own bigger place eventually but for now we will have to figure out a way to accommodate my two (almost the whole time as their dad is flakey) plus (on his weekends) his two as well.
I have a smallish 3 bed semi. Thinking of moving my two into a shared room and his two sharing the smaller room?
I want his two to feel comfortable and very much at home and I would like to find a solution that means all the kids feel like they have a bit of their own space but also that there isn't loads of unused space for a lot of the time as the house is small anyway!
Any innovative solutions? I really do want step children to feel comfortable and very much welcome and part of the family, but looking inspiration as to how to not waste lots of (much needed) space at the same time

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LineyReborn · 27/08/2015 15:14

Sorry I know everyone always asks this, but how old are they?

Boys / girls?

How big are the bedrooms, and do you have a separate living room and kitchen-diner?

Original poster

throwingpebbles · 27/08/2015 15:15

Eg we are thinking of making a cabin bed for DS with a space for a den for him underneath it ( as he really craves his own space at times). Dd is a toddler still so not sure how to make a nice little space for her .
And the step kids room would only really just fit bunkbeds in, unless we can do something more creative? It feels like a whole room would then be unused for the majority of the time!

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Original poster

throwingpebbles · 27/08/2015 15:58

Good question! I have Ds 4 and Dd 20 months

He has Dd age 8 and ds age 4

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Original poster

throwingpebbles · 27/08/2015 15:59

Downstairs is open plan it's a very standard (small) 3 bed semi so 3rd bedroom is tiny and others aren't huge

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JeffsanArsehole · 27/08/2015 16:01

Pinterest is amazing for innovative children's room ideas

Bananasinpyjamas1 · 27/08/2015 16:08

Agree - pinterest is great. Two of the kids are 4? Would it be more suited for those two to have the bigger one as a 'playroom' during day - and the 8 year old might want the smaller room? And if you involve the step kids in choosing bedspreads etc and replicate a couple of favourite toys - including routines and bedtimes - that might make them feel at home.

Katymac · 27/08/2015 16:09

2 4yos in together & a high sleeper and a toddler bed in the other room for the other 2?

Iamnotloobrushphobic · 27/08/2015 16:13

As it is short term I would put your children in one room and the step children in the other room. The step children's room will almost certainly need bunk beds if it is a standard bay fronted semi sized 3rd bedroom. Children of ages 4 and 8 will be okay sharing a room for weekends, even if the room is small. You could get some under bed storage boxes to keep their stuff in. Your children are there all of the time and need space for their stuff and to play so I would put them into the bigger bedroom.

mabythesea · 27/08/2015 16:13

I'd put bunk beds in the 4 year olds room for the two boys, and then a single bed in the little room for your 20 month old with either a trundle bed underneath or a single futon.

Original poster

throwingpebbles · 27/08/2015 16:16

I have h thought aboutt combining girls and boys instead but didn't know if step kids would prefer to share, initially at least, as they currently share at their dads place. But it is good that my four year old has a toddler free room when he wants to do Lego etc. the two boys get on pretty well but I don't know how they would be sharing a room! I was thinking maybe we try a couple of weekends away to try out the children all being together for longer before we finally make a plan maybe?
I like the idea of somehow making it so each child feels they have their own special space to retreat to
We just had a big family week away with my side of the family and lots of kids and my boy often went and hid in his den when he wanted some peace (he's v sociable too just v aware when he has had enough!)

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Original poster

throwingpebbles · 27/08/2015 16:19

I contemplated a futon plus toddler bed for the girls in smaller room, but wasn't sure how SD would feel if she only had a futon, it might not feel very welcoming.

Agree they each need a bit of their own storage etc I really want them to all feel like they have their own little corner somehow

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Original poster

throwingpebbles · 27/08/2015 16:20

I do want my boy to be in the bigger room for now at least as he keeps his Lego etc up there so the whole house doesn't end up covered in it and toddler trying to eat it etc!

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Yellowpansies · 27/08/2015 16:21

I'd be inclined to have a girls room and a boys room, with the DSC both up on high sleepers (with a good guard rail for DSS) to give them a bit of their own private space, and also maximise the ground floor play space for your own DC when it's just them.

Or keep DD in with you, then put DSS in with your DS, and put DSD in the smallest room.

But I think I'd ask your DSC and your DS what they would all like best (your DD is probably a bit little to have much of a view!) We have my DS sharing with DSS which he prefers to sharing with his sister (like he does at their dad's).

SurlyCue · 27/08/2015 16:23

two boys in bigger room. Bunks in smaller room with your toddler on bottom with bed rail.

Original poster

throwingpebbles · 27/08/2015 16:24

Yes good plan to ask them

Dd loves them all she would share with any of them!!

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mabythesea · 27/08/2015 16:53

Only thing with bunks and the toddler would be stopping the toddler climbing up to the top.

If it's only one or two nights per fortnight, maybe just have a single bed in the small room for your DD and while your DSD stays you could move DD in with you?

queenofthishouse · 27/08/2015 16:57

I'd put girls and boys in together as you would with your own bio family.

Daffydil · 27/08/2015 17:00

I don't think I would put girls and boys together actually. I think a space that is the stepchildren's own is important.

Of each of your children have their own room, and the stepchildren bunk in at the weekend I think you'd risk them feeling like they didn't belong, and were just crashing a siblings room.

Yellowpansies · 27/08/2015 17:12

Only thing with bunks and the toddler would be stopping the toddler climbing up to the top - I did solve that one a while back by removing the bottom run from the ladder. Had to make sure the older child was careful of course, but my toddler DD tried her best but couldn't climb the ladder with a run missing

Original poster

throwingpebbles · 27/08/2015 17:17

Yes good point about bunks, and toddler would be up the ladder in a shot she is wild and fearless and totally lacking in common sense!

I do think it might be nicer for step kids to have their own room to begin with at least and then maybe later they might come to their own decisions to share differently

But then the two girls adore each other and then two boys get on pretty well

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Original poster

throwingpebbles · 27/08/2015 17:19

I really do want to make sure the step children really feel like it is there home too. I'm delighted at the thought of having a houseful of kids and really want to make it nice for all of them.

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Original poster

throwingpebbles · 27/08/2015 18:29

Just bumping for the evening crowd as surely this is a fairly common dilemma? What have others done?

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HeighHoghItsBacktoWorkIGo · 27/08/2015 18:34

I think your initial solution sounds good, if it is only very short term. Years down the line, a brother and sister will not want to share a room.

On the other hand, putting all the girls in the big room and your son in the box room, means that your children would have their own rooms the majority of the time. Your DD sharing just when the step siblings come to visit. An older girl might feel encroached upon, but since she is 20months old, she is probably quite flexible still.

Lurkedforever1 · 27/08/2015 18:46

I'd ask the older step daughter tbh, eg share with brother or step sister, and then see if what she wants fits with what the 2 boys want. Purely cos she's the one more likely to think about the whole new situation deeply iyswim? And if she's sharing with step sister, give her a high sleeper and let it be her room that step sister just sleeps in, as I'm assuming 20 mnth old plays downstairs anyway.

Original poster

throwingpebbles · 27/08/2015 18:54

Sorry to clarify its DSD 8 DSS 4 DS 4 and DD 20 months

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