Blended Family moans

[Dadistired1]

Im new here and just wanted to share some info about my blended family and my individual problems that come with having a large blended family.

My family is from Southampton, I have 3 children and 3 step children. I have one teen son and one teen stepson, as well as one teen daughter and one teen step-daughter. I have two younger children aged 5 and 3.

My main moans really are disrespect from step children, not accepting my discipline and fighting with my teenagers.

Are these common problems? Whats your blended family moans?

Have you tried talking to them on their level rather than the controlling critical Teacher method?

Yes I have Howtorebuild

What do they say in return?

Well its always, "I will from now" but never happens.

Anyone ?

When you point out that words should be followed by actions what do they say?

I guess they possibly don't care about you? It's not you speaking to them like a critical controlling teacher, why would that be?

But they do not follow my discipline like they do their mothers, they dont view me as a parent to them.

Well, you are not a parent to them. The actual parents have to do the behavioural stuff.

Do you and your partner have the same standards?

What exactly do you mean by 'my discipline'?

They love their Mother as she is their parent. You are their Dad's bed partner and they tolerate you as you do your friend or siblings bed partner.

How long have you been together?

Hi dadistired how long have you been with your partner? What does you discipline consist of? What does your partner day regarding the behaviour that is upsetting you?

8 years, 9 years in November.

I think this depends on the ages of the kids. My Dad remarried when I was 10, DBs 13 & 17, DSB 17, DS 19, DSS 19. The younger ones took on step mum as parent and the older ones didn't. But her discipline went. Its everyones house not just the kids. If we didn't do we she wanted, she didn't do what we wanted. And she absolutely stuck to her guns. She was our main parent though as my Dad was mostly absent or unfair.

Forgot to say - I am now the step mum - but of DSS 6 & DSD 9 - I have DDs of 9 & 10. What I say goes, but my DP sticks up for me totally. They come to me for a slightly softer option.

To add to the above, are you expected to discipline you step children rather than your partner?

My main advice (as I just posted on another SP thread) is that you and your partner need to be a team.

Your house, your rules; that are consistent for all children in the house.

Equally you both need to be consistent on follow up and consequences regardless of who the bio parent is.

With teens especially you will get outbursts "your not my mum, you can't tell me what to do" being the most common.

So you deflect that by having "household" rules that apply to everyone.

Ours our treating each other with respect, keeping rooms tidy, doing your chore on time and without fuss, respecting personal space, no swearing and no lying.

Consequences are withdrawal of allowance and/or technology (phones/iPads/games consoles).

Oh and obviously agree the rules with your OH and communicate them and the consequences to all the children together.

It also helps if for the first infringements you speak to the child involved together to discuss the punishment, even if it means waiting to do so. They then know you both mean business on the house rules regardless of bio parenting.