A decade on and still the bitterness and using of children continues. Anyone else in same situation ?

[kittensinmydinner]

My DH left ex W . We met and married (9 yrs ago ). 4 children from first marriage. Who have been used like Exocet missiles for nearly a decade. Ex W has remarried but still no change. Court cases for contact, attempts at leave to remove to a foreign country. ( thankfully seen by court as attempt to frustrate contact) and god knows what else. I was OW which I understand would cause upset but ex w was also seeing her now DH , which was why my DH sought comfort elsewhere. My DH (at the time) also had a gf, whilst we were married and is now happily married to her. I am truly happy for him and we get on better than when we were together and have a great co-parent set up. Why can't his ex wife just move on like my ex DH ?

Whatever the whys and wherefores of a relationship break-up, I can NEVER understand people using their DC to 'get at' their ex! Whoever is to blame, it's not the children's fault, they should not be used as pawns in their parents battles, it will damage them irrevocably, and they will not thank you for it as they grow up! Parents have a duty to protect their children from harm, so include your own fights/hurts/insult slinging in that category, and put a brave face on for them!!! OK, rant over!!!

Dh and I have been together 7 years, my ex and his ex both still have massive issues with us being together. The kids are still being used as weapons where they can, which is less now they are teenagers. Even the kids have said they need to get over it and move on.

Never an excuse for using the children by either side.

However, no one ever forgets the moment they find out they have been betrayed. The feeling of absolute desolation and for your love ( if you were unaware) to be tossed aside as worthless is something I never forget.

It can be 50 yrs down the line and you will always be the OW. It is a completely different position to be in and not one I will ever put myself in the position of - I have more morals than she ever did.

I have gotten over his betrayal and hers. ( She was a so called friend)

What I have not and will not get over is the complete dereliction of his duty as a parent, in the pursuit of her whims. I have not and will not get over the emotional abuse she reaps on my children everytime they see her and I will never forgive her 4 acts, that she did to me, in one of the worst years of my life.

Some things are unforgivable. ( regardless of her being the OW - I would never forgive anyone - what she did)

Was the ex w seeing someone before her DH met you? Because if that's right I really don't think she has a leg to stand on, morally.

Sound like you were all having affairs, no one looks very good in this scenario. Two wrongs don't make a right. That aside I echo what others said, the kids should be shielded from it all and a good relationship with both parents encouraged

sorry I realise this is an old post but im new to the site. Similar story here except I wasn't the OW, just been accused of being so (a home wrecking whore in her words)
My partners ex uses the kids to get her way with everything, so partner is scared to do anything incase she uses it as an excuse to withhold visits. And as it turns out hes dammed if he does or dammed if he doesn't, an example is trimming the kids fringe so he could see, did it got told off for cutting "her " sons hair, doesn't do something, gets told hes too fricken useless to do anything. Its only been 2 years so far but nothing is changing, every time they get a court date she comes up with a solution and once the court date passes she reneges.

tbh nobody is coming up smelling of roses here are they?