2 1/2 year old sc hitting me

[Shoni123]

I've been I big part of my dsc life since she was only 7 months old I pretty much done most things from the very beginning making bottles changing nappies etc. dsc mum in her own words didn't want to be a mum but refused to give my partner full residency things got bad and eventually social services got involved and a long court case later 3 months ago we got full residency of dsc whilst all this was going on I was the one taking her to the doctors teaching her things etc. we have always had a very close relationship and I love her like she's my own I would never have her call me mum as I'm not her mother but I have done more for her than her real mum. But recently she's started hitting me and only me not wanting to come near me gets upset when I hug her dad she gets spiteful and digs her nails in etc her dad always tells her off and she always says she's sorry but I'm starting to feel our once close relationship slowly drifting away I'm feeling so down and crying I think she hates me yet I was the first person she said I love you too I'm so confused heeeeelllllllllppppp!

Sounds fairly normal behaviour for a 2.5yo emerging into the world, even more so if she's had some trauma to deal with. Keep loving her and being the marvellous step parent that it sounds you are. It's tough but your love will win out.

In together families children often have a favourite "parent"- I'd guess that her current one is Daddy.

Does her Dad give her lots of attention? If not it could be attention seeking so that Daddy focuses on her for a bit.

That's normal for a toddler, they can go through a hitting phase and while you do a lot for her, she is going to favour daddy.

Just carrying on telling her no when she hits.

The whole losing bond thing sounds a little childish and silly. If I thought my toddler hated me everytime he hit, bit, kicked, pushed, jumped on me and used me as a bouncy castle etc then it would literally be all the time!

She's a toddler, it's normal not spiteful.

You're feeling your once close relationship is drifting away ?
She's TWO FGS!! You're talking like she's 22 and gives a shit .

Toddlers have not yet developed a sense of empathy. Basically she has zero comprehension of your feelings and doesn't care BECAUSE she is two , but her feelings are BIG for her. When she feels frustrated you are the secure safe base where she knows she can show that anger. Your job as a person who loves her is to keep loving her while gently teaching her how to manage her big feelings in a better way.

This is a common phase of toddlerhood and you are not helping her at all by making this about you. It so isn't.

Easy Haffdonga, she asking for help not judgement, we all muddle through parenting and she should be able to feel comfortable asking for help her right?

As the mum of a similar age Toddler I can confirm that this is pretty normal behaviour and as the previous poster said, the fact that you are near the brunt of this frustration with everything is a sign that she trusts you and trusts your love.

I can totally understand how you feel though. I have had moments convinced that my child hates me. I can't imagine how it feels with a step child and my heart goes out to you. Honestly though I think it's her age and a confirmation of your relationship. Toddlers are strange beasts.

Hitting is a fairly common two year old behaviour. My DS hit, bit and scratched me at that age and he loves me to bits! He never hit his dad as much. Take it is a bizarre compliment. Just keep reaffirming in a calm way that hitting is not ok. Try not to take it personally as it really isn't personal

My toddler of 2.5 favours me at the moment and literally pulls me and OH apart if we cuddle! He hits if he is annoyed which is normal too. Although I say 'No' and move him away and when he's calmed down I give him a cuddle. He'll grow out of it.

Thankyou everyone obviously I am pretty new at this Iv never had children of my own and wasn't sure if it was normal I didn't appreciate whoever you are saying I'm making it about me I just wasn't sure if I was doing something wrong and think I have a right to feel a little upset it's not easy being a step parent and I want to make things as easy as I can for her as it's probably affecting her as much as it is me. But Thankyou everyone else for your supportive comments

Sure two year olds bite and hit but they need to be told not to. Even at that age they need to know its not acceptable. You and DP need to agree on punishments for her when she does this - naughty step or telling off or whatever.

I don't think this is as much of a step issue as you think OP. It's normal. My DS used to bite other children at 2 years old and it was mortifying. They grow out of it and it is not her way of punishing you at all.

I have a DD who did this, she was around the same age and used to hit and scratch me, I am her main carer and she is closest to me.

I think she was frustrated as she wasn't able to express herself accordingly and as her secure bond, it was me she would hit out at.

I explained we do not hit or hurt anyone repeatedly and she grew out of it as her speech improved, she rarely has breakdowns now and never hits out at me.

I wouldn't worry OP, it's just a phase, she is 2 and of course still loves you