I need to get this off my chest! Long, sorry...
I have 3 DSCs (10, 6 & 5), with us almost 50%, and DD (16 months, with DH). DH is self-employed; I'm employed elsewhere. He has a natural dip in his activity mid-July till mid-August (clients all disappear). His business is really struggling at the moment, so I'm carrying us all financially - mortgage, bills, food, nursery fees, all DD's stuff and much of the DSCs', etc. I can afford it, but there's not much wiggle room. In previous years DH has put the DSC in holiday clubs (non-residential) for a couple of weeks outside of his 'down' period, but he can't afford it this year (he hasn't asked me to pay, and I haven't offered; if there was just one DSC I would, but with 3 of them I just can't afford it on top of everything else). He assured me that he'd arrange with ExW for her to have them during the day when he was working (she's a secretary at the school they attend and is off a good proportion of the school holidays, and we've done this before).
So far, so good. It's not ideal and I hope it won't be like this for long, and not just for the sake of my bank balance (my poor DH is so stressed), but I can live with all this - for richer, for poorer, etc etc.
However, back in JANUARY I insisted we sit down with the calendar to work things out for the summer. The nursery is closed for the first 3 weeks of July. We agreed that he would cover the third week, because it's already in his quiet time, and that I'd take the first week. I don't have much leave left, so IN ORDER TO MAKE IT POSSIBLE FOR HIM TO WORK THE SECOND WEEK, I asked my parents if they'd come to stay for that week (ie they are flying here from the UK). DH told me at the time that he didn't know if the DSCs would be here that week as the pattern might change in the holidays. A few months ago it became clear that they would be here, and ever since I've been asking DH to do something, as I don't want my parents having to look after 4 children for a week; more to the point, my parents don't want to do it (they love my DSCs and have looked after them before, but 4 is just too much - Mum is over 70). DH has said consistently that it wasn't a problem, ExW was going to have them during the day; I kept asking if he'd actually asked her, and he'd brush me off with things like, 'you know she's always happy to see them' (how many times have I told him he can't expect her to be there at the last minute just because it's convenient to him?) Anyway, THIS MORNING, 10 days before the week in question, FFS, he casually tells me that exW is working that week - but not to worry, my parents won't have to look after them, he'll take the week off. His last possible week of work before the summer closure.
I AM FURIOUS! I try not to rub it in about our financial situation because I know it's deeply uncomfortable for him, but honestly? Why can't he make an effort? His business is in trouble, so he procrastinates and procrastinates, and, oh well, I'll just take the week off. I asked him why he thought my parents were coming, if he was going to be at home anyway, and he said he thought it was just a pleasure trip. So then I asked why we had sat down with the calendar and gone through everything so carefully; he said he didn't know (but on being pressed, he did remember doing it). (It's possible that he just doesn't understand the concept of parents coming purely to help out, as his own would eat their own arms before they did that...and they only live round the corner).
I don't know how long we had to discuss this this morning before the penny dropped (I'm at home getting over a flu virus so it's the last thing I needed), so he's now gone off to ask ExW if she will swap weeks with him, so that the DSCs are here the third week in July, when he's already looking after DD (and his work will be quiet). She'll be well within her rights to refuse at this point! If only he had pulled his finger out a few weeks ago - she's generally quite adaptable for this kind of thing, and we'd have been sorted.
I feel so often that HE is the one who brings the 'step' part to our family, but I'm the one working alone to make it blend. Fed up. Feel better for getting that down, though 