Not his son

[uncoolio]

Just read the 'Not my son' thread and thought it was very interesting and honest.(newish to Mumsnet).
I am soon moving in with dp, he has ds 10 who lives with ex. I have ds 17 months - his father has no contact at all (his choice, not mine) , but I do think that he will rear his head at some point in the future and start stirring things.
My dp is very loving towards my ds, but it is clear that he feels differently towards his own ds. This is understandable and I do not have a problem with it. His ds stays at least part of most weekends, and is very kind to my ds (most of the time - he is 10, afterall).
We are also planning another baby together.
I am mostly concerned for my ds. I already worry he will feel rejected by his bio father. He will basically only know my dp as his father, and I really worry that he will feel less loved.
Does anyone have similar experience?
I have also been wondering about the 'Dad' thing. I always to dp by name, but given that he will effectively be his Dad should he call him that?
Any comments gratefully received

I would say use his first name until either your son or your dp want to change things. I think right now your dp might feel uncomfortable about it and that isn't a good thing. Don't force the issue. It doesn't mean your ds can't love him. What is the position with your son's father? Why do you think he might want contact if he doesn't want it now and why doesn't he want it now? Just wondering as hard to say anything without knowing a bit of background. Also how long have you known your dp? I think it is far too much to ask a man who hasn't known your son for very long and - very importantly - hasn't lived with him - to love him as much as his own son. HOWEVER love does grow, and living with your son day to day will in all probability make him love him more. The day to day care of a child IMO really builds love. I am sure your dp will feel closer to your son the longer they live together. I suppose what I am trying to say, is don't panic and don't rush things and don't worry about what might never happen. Personally, I would wait a year or so after your dp moves in before you have another baby. I'm no expert, but it seems as if your son, through no fault of your own, has faced a lot of changes in his life and it might be nice to let your dp bond with him in a more relaxed way rather than coping with the maelstrom of new babydom. But on the other hand, it might well work out fine. And he sounds as if he gets plenty of love from his mum, which is the most important thing right now.

Thanks for that, aloha ....very wise woman!
That is basically what I was thinking, just to deal with things slowly, and as the time seems right, just wondered about other's views / experiences.
Dss father was very very controlling & manipulative. He disappeared when it became clear to him that he could no longer control me and ds, and that there was absolutely no chance of reconciliation. I know avoiding any financial responsibility is a big factor, too. I think it is very likely that ex will make dramatic comeback when ds is old enough to be impressed by him, and he thinks he can persuade him of my culpability in the whole thing. Sounds a bit paranoid I know, but everyone who knows him agrees.

Most folks I know who have had a child with s step aprent so young do grow up calling step dad Daddy.
But when older it obviously isn't likely, my son is 10 and while he has a thriving relationship with his daddy, he is close in a non touchy loving feely way with my DH we have another dd together (18mths) and plan another soon.. DS considers her his sister full stop. It all works out well in the end. A lot depends on how your dp wants your son to call him as he grows.