Nightmare ex!

[AussiestepMuM]

Ever since I started dating her ex husband she has so much hate for me doing all she could to keep me away from their children. My partner had no choice but to take it through mediation as he no longer knew what school or where his children lived. As soon as he tried to take it through court we have had many cops at our door & even tried a dvo but it all fell through. 3 years later we have a court order in place but even then we still have so much drama & pettiness. We get the kids 4 days a fortnight half school holidays. We wanted shared care of 50 percent as we only live 15 mins away from the kids other house but because of tension the judge could only put these days to place. She barely takes kids to school & they are so far behind. They are 8 & 9 and cant read properly spell or do basic math! I am always reading & helping with homework but when they go back they dont do any of that. She also tells the kids what to do & will bribe them & tell them how much she hates their Dad & her partner hates him more. I feel the kids will resent her when they get older & they need to see a counsellor. All I want is to be able to co-parent with her but she wants nothing to do with me.... please help! I feel all this can be easier & I love the kids & I cant help but to get involved when I see the kids struggling. I think she also needs to see a counsellor because its been 3 years & cant seem to move on from her past

Yep, I agree, you need to step away and let her and dp sort everything out. Three years isn't that long, though I know it is for a child.
Dp could speak to the school and see if they can arrange counselling for the kids.

why would she co-parent with you?

who says the children are behind in school? has your partner spoken to their teachers or is that your opinion? is their attendance a problem from the school's point of view?

who says the children need counselling?

Children resent their parents for all sorts of things and it isn't something that is confined to separated parenting. It's not your problem if the children resent their mother. They may equally resent you and/or your partner. You can only do what you think is right in the end.

She may well need counselling herself but that is not something you can force upon her. Maybe taking a step back and realising it's not your responsibility to parent these children will give mum some space in which to parent them her own way, without your say so?

Are you in Australia? I ask 'cos of your username and because obviously the legal and school systems will be different to the UK which makes it possibly a bit harder to advise you.

And for what it's worth, I am in my 7th year since separating from my ex. I have had plenty of counselling. Am entirely 'over it'. I will have nothing to do with my ex's partners. Our children, our decision-making, our responsibility.