It is hard - my sister's kids are grown up, so when we see them it's either just dsis and bil, or them and two adult niece/nephew, so dss (14) is a bit of an odd one out. So we tend to see them when it's not our weekend with dss. Therefore, they don't know him that well.
We live pretty far away from my dsis, so we can't see her much anyway and it doesn't feel fair to dss to drag him all that way to sit and listen while adults talk [often about politics]. Not that he never sees them but mainly only as part of something else.
Having said that, dsis always buys him a Christmas present, but she has never asked when his birthday is. After 20+ years of buying her kids presents this does gall me a bit. To be fair, we've never done in-law gifts outside of Christmas, so her not buying for dp isn't such a thing.
I get more annoyed with my so-called friend in fact. She has two dc, 9 and 7, and dc1 is my 'godson' (I am not religious, but they are). So, I have been buying both Xmas and birthday gifts for them for 9 years, gifts when they were born etc, and christening gift for gs. I wasn't invited to dc2 christening, which was odd I felt*.
She always makes a big fuss about how much I "spoil" her kids (I spend maybe £40 and £20 on them twice a year, which to me isn't loads), and always says I don't "need" to buy for dc2. I know I don't need to but her protestations are getting on my nerves now. I was the only person who remembered dc2 first birthday, none of her family or her in laws did.
I've been with dp 6 years, she met them probably four years ago. Anyway, 2013 for Christmas, she gave dss a small puzzle thing which had a bit missing (i.e. something her kids had been given, opened, not wanted but she hadn't checked was all complete). Then last year a bar of chocolate. Not a large bar. Not a special bar. A normal bar of chocolate. He doesn't even like chocolate. I don't know how she could be arsed to wrap it. No, they are not short of money - no mortgage, trust fund, husband in a job with 6 figure salary etc.
She's never asked when his birthday is so doesn't send anything then.
They were invited to dp 40th birthday and came, we were not invited to her dp 40th. We invite them dinner/lunch at least once a year and we invite them to our annual bonfire party which they have come to twice in four years. We have also invited them to a few BBQs and my graduation drinks, they've come to one BBQ and were busy at my graduation. But she didn't send a card or anything instead. She didn't send a card when we moved. She didn't come round or anything.
I have given up on her. Now gs gets a card and a £10 book token on his birthday, dc2 gets nothing as she's made it pretty clear he's nothing to do with me. We shan't invite them to anything else. I could cope with all the general rudeness of not being invited back but when she snubbed dss with the last Christmas gift I was livid. I always make him write thank you letters but this time I just couldn't.
- re the Christening of dc2. Around that time I had seen her quite a bit as I was working nearby (we used to live about 50 miles apart, but I worked near her, now I have also coincidentally moved near her, 15 mins drive) and she had said about the christening because she had some emotional resistance to doing it (her mother died the same day as dc1 christening) but needed to get on with it before ds2 was too big for the family christening gown. I remember saying I was looking forward to it, was going to buy a dress etc. So, never got an invite. Then I was round there to visit and mentioned I had quit my job and was taking a month off then going to look for contract work instead, but that I was going to be skint (half joking, I had all my finances covered). She asked me if I was really skint would I like to do the washing up for the christening because they were having it at home with food bought in but would need someone to clear tables and wash up. I was totally gob smacked. I assumed the christening must be family only so asked how many were going - 50! I suggested she asked the teenage girl next door, no, she and her family were invited......Anyway, I declined their offer.