DP deiving me bonkers!!

[alwaystryingtobeafriend]

You may or may not remember my post about my dsd not wanting to wear clothes I bought her because I'm not her mum etc and dsd apparantly not liking me. Anyway my dp and I put this down to her mums influence and I since took a step back and not been as involved with the kids in terms of disepline and general stuff re the house etc. It's been good because the atmosphere is slightly better. Everyone's getting along better.

However I am still a bit raw from it all. It has totally drained me. DPs solution was to only speak to kids if they spoke to me and I said fine but don't force kids on me. Ie if I am going out don't tell/ask me to take dsd or dss. He agreed.

Today it seems as though he has forgotten this. I want to go out on my own to get some bits and pieces and he has said why don't you ask dsd. I feel like I can't say no because he will take the huff. But at the same time I don't want to take her.

I love the kids but I don't need to have them in my pocket all day every day they are here. They don't come to see me.

Do is just driving me mad because whenever I say I don't want to do something with the kids he takes it so personally. I feel like he doesn't understand my feelings and I always have to consider his and the kids. It's really starting to big me.

Is this the beginning of the end??

Other than remind him of his promise not to do it I am not sure what to advise sorry.

You are not wrong to want space. I love my dd and dsc but I also like time alone. I made dp take all 3 kids out today so I could chill. He wasn't overly thrilled as our dd is. Handful but also reeled when I pointed out that she is a handful for me too but I get still have to take his other two out too

Stand your ground Hun

I'm glad it's not just me. I thought I was maybe over reacting. (Wouldnt be like me)

Excuse my prior spelling. On my phone and predictive texts a nightmare lol.

it's not really on to suggest you only speak to your dsd if she speaks to you but to then expect you to want to take her out!

I think it's really weird to only speak to the children if they speak to you. You can't start a conversation with them?

If I'm understanding that then its seriously odd and gives a huge amount of power to kids.

As to the suggestion that you take DSD shopping with you - I'd just go for a cheerful 'not this time, maybe next time' and get out the door fast.

Then sort out this 'seen but not heard' nonsense!

It was a ridiculous suggestion from my dp. I speak to the kids they speak to me. But i don't go out my way to converse with them.

It just frustrates me when he is the one saying to do x,y or z then goes and does a,b or c.
I just wish he wouldn't say ignore the kids or whatever then 2 weeks later tell me to take dsd out with me. I don't think he realises that I dont think everything's hunky dory. I paint on a smile and suck it up but I'm still reeling from the last few weeks.

To be fair it was a relatively good weekend so I've not said anything to dp. I don't want to spoil it. I think I still need some space from the kids just now. Xx

This is not a healthy way to live or to handle the situation. Your house, your rules. I agree backing off discipline-wise might be a reasonable approach but this is just silly. Your DP is opting out and you seem to be one having to tread on eggshells, think before you speak etc etc. Not good OP.

I think you shouldn't take dsd personally. The clothes thing probably comes from a place of fear - of hurting her mum, of you replacing her mum etc.

Not speaking to them could come across as you not caring or from their perspective "she hates us". I'd try and modify that to speak to them, but leave discipline to Dad. Treat them the way you'd treat your best friends kids - you care but you aren't parent, but you can enforce personal boundaries like personal space etc.

I agree, you can't be expected to only speak when they speak to you, adults don't behave like that.

I also wouldn't take DSD shopping (but guess that's in the last now?) given the situation.

I expect dp is just being vague about what he has said and thinks hey, girls like shopping, that will make everything good again.

I walked out on dp a few weeks ago when DSS had been playing up, it was escalating, dp wasn't dealing with it and it came to a head. I just left - it didn't pan out that well as my car broke down and I had to call him to collect me, but when he did he was crying and immediately apologised, said I was always his priority. We both had a bit of a cry and agreed we need to stand together as a team more, and things have been far better since, even though DSS has brought even more bad news since! I think he just needed the short sharp shock and also, being left on his own for a few hours with a recalcitrant teen made him realise he actually can't cope on his own.

I agree, you can't be expected to only speak when they speak to you, adults don't behave like that.

I also wouldn't take DSD shopping (but guess that's in the last now?) given the situation.

I expect dp is just being vague about what he has said and thinks hey, girls like shopping, that will make everything good again.

I walked out on dp a few weeks ago when DSS had been playing up, it was escalating, dp wasn't dealing with it and it came to a head. I just left - it didn't pan out that well as my car broke down and I had to call him to collect me, but when he did he was crying and immediately apologised, said I was always his priority. We both had a bit of a cry and agreed we need to stand together as a team more, and things have been far better since, even though DSS has brought even more bad news since! I think he just needed the short sharp shock and also, being left on his own for a few hours with a recalcitrant teen made him realise he actually can't cope on his own.