Should DH complain to school and Ex or just accept for now

[Sanityseeker75]

DSD is in year 10, her attendance is currently 92% and has been around this for years.

Ex never fills him in on PR bit of school form because she does not want him to know full details but he does go to parents evening with ex and she does send on reports. Every year DH has to take PR into school because every year she misses him off. Report last year showed 15 separate lateness's, she lives 10 min walk from school - ex told DH she had called the school to complain as this was not true - DSD admitted that she was late and mom had covered for her because DH would not be happy (this was admitted a few months later). DH made it known to Ex that he knew she had lied and was not happy.

Now this year as I say attendance is low again, DH has told ex he is not happy and he has told DSD, ex has told school it is due to medical reasons - DH knows this is not true. Now Ex has booked holiday in term time when DSD will be in Year 11. DH is livid as she is likely to start school year with low attendance and DH believes that the school would never give permission based on such poor attendance recently. Ex says she has permission.

Dh is torn between contacting school and then ex either cancelling holiday and kids being devastated by not having their first holiday with mom or accepting that whilst she is out of order it is their first hol together and he is only ever going to come out of this badly as in bad dad if he allows this to happen because it is his dds education - bad dad if he tries to put a stop to it.

I'd tell him to not do anything. Either the kids are going to come back from being off sick with a nice tan or She will be fined. Problem is your dp could be fined too at which point he will have to speak up.

He can ask the school to inform him of issues and send a report.

My understanding is he could be fined too for holidays in term time.

If he tells ex he is going to contact the school as they are going without his consent* and he doesn't want a fine, I think it'd be pretty clear from her reaction whether she has actually cleared it with school.

*doesn't she need his written consent to take them out of the country? If she gets stopped it'll be a hassle if she doesn't.

Is yr11 GCSE year?

hhmm that is my gut feeling on this one. Re fine, I know she will miss him off PR form again when she fills new form in Sept and they accept this every year until he corrects them.

No I think she can take them on holiday same as we have every year until now (even though we go in school hols) which is why I know she wants to take them, I get that and I get that she can probably only afford to take them during school time and DH wouldn't mind if DSD's attendance was good normally and this was a one off.

Yes GCSE final year.

I saw a story recently about a father being fined when kids were taken out of school, even though he had no contact with them having been banned by Social Services from seeing them.

DM link I'm afraid but worth a read

Fine he could live with but 12 month conditional discharge???? I have emailed link to him and suggests he asks to see permission form.

I wonder what if anything he could do about it to protect himself if she is lying and takes them anyway? Can a non-resident parent somehow register their objection?

I doubt it crossroads I suppose it one of those where he either fully commits and is prepared to go as far as courts to stop it or prepares to face the consequences if school take it further.

*doesn't she need his written consent to take them out of the country? If she gets stopped it'll be a hassle if she doesn't.

Actually I hadn't thought about the fact that they were never married so her name is different to theirs and so is her partners. We have same last name as DSC's and I was questioned once because DS has different name to the rest of us.

I reckon the best your DP can do is email Mum, stating his objections, reiterating his concern about their daughter's school absences / lateness record and leave it at that. Maybe copy the school in on the email.

Fingers crossed that would offer him some protection if she went ahead andy the school / LEA decided to fine him.

I'm not familiar with your history but it might also make Mum have a bit of a think? Or is that wishful thinking on my part?!

As an unhelpfulaside, I teach in a school in an area with a lot of foreign students. It is pretty common for them to disappear off for 4, 5 or even 6 weeks at a time, including during year 11. It doesn't have the impact you might expect it to - although the students concerned are generally highly motivated to achieve.

Whilst 92% attendance isn't particularly high, it isn't triggeringly low either.

I would personally tell the school that I didn't agree to the holiday and didn't expect there to be any come back on me. The courts say that parents are allowed to act unilaterally at some level - and it is (apparently) rare that courts don't allow children to go on holidays when a Specific Issues Order is brought before them. It is disappointing to hear that schools are fining both parents with this in mind - I would like to think that could be challenged in court but you would need evidence that you had made it very clear to the school that the ex was acting without your permission.

resident or not your dp will be subject to the fine from the school if his ex takes the kids out in term time. year 11 is far too critical for kids to be missing it without a bloody good reason and I am sorry a family jolly isn't good enough. he needs to speak to the ex and theschool and inform them that he has not agreed to their removal in term time and do it in writing - if ex has said school have agreed he can phrase it as "I understand from X that permission has been granted for Y to be absent from school on ^insert date^. I wish to express my concerns and state that I do not agree with this and expect that in the event of any fines being issued my objection is noted and a fine not issued to me" and the cc his X

Thanks all, he emailed the link last night and said he had concerns and that whilst he did not want to be difficult he wanted to have copies of the permission forms once granted by the schools (DSS nearly 11 is in different school).

Mom said that she hasn't asked yet but will do. I think that DS's school will be fine but interesting to know what will happen if DSD's school reject it. I think if they do he will email the school and copy ex in as suggested above.

No crossroads I doubt it will make mom think, they were going to hold DSD back a year at the beginning of middle school due to poor grade which was mainly lack of attendance than ability, that scared her enough that it was better then changed to high school and it has gone back to the same thing again. DSD has target grades of E's. Mom thinks that she only lets DSD have time off when she is ill but most of the time I think she is just knackered - stays up til 2am plus on ipad then literally just can't get up.

fedupbutfine I thought your post was very helpful actually. With so much hysteria surrounding term term holidays and attendance etc, especially on here it's nice to hear a sensible opinion from someone on the ground so to speak.

OP I would be pretty hacked off though if I were going to be fined for choices my ex made. I don't think he should stop the holiday though, it will just give his ex ammunition. Could he have a chat with his dc and try and drum into them how important it is to be in school? I take my child out for term time holidays and I don't think twice about it, for various reasons it's hard for us to go during summer holiday time. However I ask my dd if she's ok with it and the moment she says she's not, we will never go in term time again. That works for us though because she loves school and we do take her academic progress and school very seriously.

Oh and my dd is in primary, I will never take her out during term time once she goes to secondary.

He does Nicki. As an example I bumped into DSD when she was out with her mates one night last week (DSD and DS go same school so hang around same people same place). DSD told me been she had had the day off, she had a dentist appointment. I told DH that she had been off again because of the dentist appointment, DH told her in no uncertain terms that she was ruining her future, that taking a whole day for a dentist appointment was not acceptable and that she is going to really struggle in year 11 unless she starts putting some effort in now. He has offered to sort extra tuition to help her with at least Maths and English but she won't do it and seems mad to have to do it out of school when actually if she went more often she would be ok, She is a bright savvy girl when it is something she is interested in. I have tried speaking to her about what she wants to do once she leaves and said to her that if she can come up with a couple of ideas then at least we can help her focus on the subjects that will matter to give her a chance of doing the next step but she doesn't know, she either wants to work with animals or children or as a rep abroad.

I don't think he should stop the holiday and he doesn't want to either as it is their first holiday ever with their mom and they are really excited about it, he can live with the fine if need be (not happy but would get over it) I am guessing as long as he pays it straight away it won't end up going further.

My DD1 is in year 11 and currently doing GCSEs, I would never have taken her out during this time as her and her friends have found it stressful enough. I would speak to EX first and find out why she thought this was such a great idea