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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Ex husband putting new partner before DD

13 replies

samluv85 · 03/05/2015 19:14

Last year my husband walked out on me and 2 children, my eldest is from a previous relationship and we have a 5 yr old daughter together. I was destroyed when he left we had struggled for a while as he was addicted to X box and I was still struggling with pn depression till after having daughter, being left with no support from husband but I still loved him.

He now has a new partner which is hard in itself she is 10 yrs older than him with 4 children who from what I gather have no contact with their father. Ex husband is no playing sd to her kids and DD is left to see her dad for 1 sat eow if she's lucky as if they have more important parties to go to he won't see her. It's destroying me enough seen him with a new partner but seeing him do this to DD and seeing how she misses him breaks me I've tried everything offering him school holidays to have her invited him to all her school events, he missed her first school play and all her award ceremonies, because of her. He knows how I feel about her yet he chooses to bring her with him every time to pick DD up to rub it in my face. I'm trying hard to keep my emotions under control for the sake of our daughter but I get so upset I'm even on anti depressants as was on the verge nervous breakdown. Has anyone else had this situation?

OP posts:

Themrmen · 03/05/2015 20:02

I find it strange that we've had the evil sm from the child's point of view and now the evil sm from the exs point of view today

elliebellys · 03/05/2015 20:36

Mr men,op hasnt said shes evil sp.give her a break.we all know theres 2 sides to a coin.,whats strange about that. Op i went through the same problem as you,it is a horrible situation for your dd.unfortunatly you cant force hrr father to take more interest all you can do is love and support her through it. you will get through this rough time.,nd come out stronger.

Themrmen · 03/05/2015 20:39

I just think it's odd this is the second one of these today

elliebellys · 03/05/2015 20:39

Op,maybe you should move this to relationships,you wont be accused of sp bashing then.

elliebellys · 03/05/2015 20:43

Mrmen its just different perspectives.thats all.not everyone will have good experiences with sp same as a lot dont have that with ex,s.

Themrmen · 03/05/2015 20:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Stitchintime1 · 03/05/2015 20:57

All you can do, all any of us can do is be the best parent we can. If he is a neglectful one, then that does not detract from all you do and how much you love her.

Can you go to the GP to get help with your depression, have counselling, surround yourself with friends at events? Be strong. It's still very new but the pain will pass.

LadySybilLikesSloeGin · 03/05/2015 21:04

If you don't think something's legit then you don't have to answer

I'm so sorry you're going through this, sam. It can be hard to separate your feelings, especially when someone's shit on you like this. I switched off and focused on ds and that helped. His father didn't see him for years and I was just there to make ds feel loved and wanted. It's all you can do really. There will be a time when your dd see's her father for what he is and will decide not to bother. It's really hard for them, and it's really hard to stand by and watch this happen. Try not to think of your ex's new partner, chances are that it won't last.

RandomMess · 03/05/2015 21:09

It's your ex's choice, get angry with him for being a complete flake.

madamtremain · 03/05/2015 22:06

It's not all because of her. She doesn't have a gun to his head.

He sounds like a complete loser "addicted to Xbox"?! Come on - is that the man you dreamed about as a little girl??

It's utterly shit what he's done but surely she's welcome to him.?

Reginafalangie · 04/05/2015 07:53

I am sorry OP. Sadly it is always the children that suffer.

Others are right he is the one that is choosing not to see his DD the new partner has nothing to do with it.

All you can do is reassure your DD is loved by you and continue to off contact. You cannot force him to spend time with her and it is shit that you are left to pick up the pieces. On the flip side it sounds as if you are well shot of him as he doesn't sound like a good partner or father.

swingofthings · 05/05/2015 18:22

Could it have something to do with him or her thinking that you will try to get him back, so they want to avoid contact with you, which means contact with your DD?

If so, what a weak man he is!

LadySybilLikesSloeGin · 05/05/2015 18:40

Think people would drive themselves nuts if they tried to work out what their ex was thinking, swing. Most of the time feckless parents are only thinking of themselves so it's not really worth the OP's time (or mental health) to spend any time trying to understand what he's doing and why he's doing it.

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