Had about enough

[Ifonly4oneday]

This is really long and really just a rant so don't feel obliged to read all and comment as I just need to moan.

Ok so DP and I have toddler together. We also have Baby on its way DP has DD who comes to us every other weekend.

To paint a picture of EXW- Since DSD was under 2 EXW has had her calling other man Daddy, even though DP was very much part of DSD life (because IMO EXW is a nutter and was thinking about her and her 'other man' realationship and not giving a shit about confusing poor DSD.) ok this still goes on and DSD now 6 and half.
At first it broke DPs heart but he learned to live with it!

Anyway, EXW caused a lot of shit for us over the years whilst using DSD as a pawn as they say. I can't believe that 5 yr down the line the bitch is still trying to interfere in our lives!
DSD now has a hobby on a Sunday which she loves, we agreed even though it was interfering with our contact time. DSD missed a party on our side because of it last weekend. We never mentioned party to DSD because to be fair it was a toddler party and we weren't even going because I have been suffering terrible migranes and been really hormonal So DSD went to hobby as normal. Her mum went on Facebook and showed her pictures of the party she missed? WTF? EXW also commented to DP last week about a party he was at (his brothers 40th) DSD went back to mums DP would be there and there would be a lot of alcohol consumed, it was no place for children. DS and I dropped DP off and nipped in to hand over gift, stayed about half an hour and then went to my mums so cud get an undisturbed sleep. Anyway, EXW asked last weekend why DSD never got to party?? WTF, surely she wouldn't want her child going to an adult party. She said DSD was really upset and she had seen that DS and I were there through Facebook! I don't get why this nut case is even looking on our Facebook pages let alone letting her DD see photos of events she is not at? DSD is more than happy the way things are and it seems EXW just jealous and trying to stir shit because I'm pregnant, she was same when I was expecting DS 1.

Just here for a rant, hope I didn't bore you

why is she not blocked on Facebook?

You are putting a lot of thoughts and feelings into the head of a woman you dont' really know. Is she really jealous? or does she just think that her DSD is part of the wider family and is therefore questioning why she wasn't invited? Regardless, it's up to your DP how he parents - why even entertain these discussions let alone let them upset you? I know what my ex would tell me if I tried to interfere in what he does with the children when they're with him!

If it's got to the point you're calling her a bitch and you're ranting and raving, you need to be thinking of your own health and well being and taking a step back. There is no big issue here - it can be dealt with by some detachment on your part, some Facebook blocking and by your DP growing and pair and making it clear he won't entertain conversations with the ex about where he may or may not have taken their child.

Hey, thanks for your reply I am not on Facebook. We live in a small town and other ppl that are at the party have placed pictures on Facebook. DSD has a great life with us every second weekend and is happy and as I said previously, her mum has made a point of thinking the other bloke is dad and messing with her head! The woman is a bitch because I don't know anyone who would manipulate their own child. The majority of things we do as a family are done when DSD with us but at the same time our life is not going to just stop when she is at her mothers. My DS suffers in all this as well, he is always looking for DSD but he just has to get used to it and so does she. There has to be routine! x

Thank you cheeky, you totally see it where I'm coming from! If it was something we weren't even going to or taking DSD to then we wouldn't delibrately tell her as that's unfair! I was shocked when she told us this last night and you are so right about the shit stirring. I've never said a bad word about the woman in front of DSD and never would.

Hey fed up. Sorry! I managed to miss your last paragraph. DP did tell her when he was there that it's nothing to do with her. I think he is to be saying also that it's her that's hurting DSD not us.
I know I need to stop talking to him about it really because it gets me so worked up the thought of her Using DSD to stir stuff up. It's ridiculous x

Thanks cheeky, it's fine to have a rant to people who understand from my point of view xx

because it means she cam paint. your dp as the bad guy. some people are just that twisted (dp's exw is just as bad)

don't give her head space, as dsd gets older you will be able to explain that it's not a daddy weekend or its a grown up party and you will get less involvement with the exw (I keep telling myself that anyway )

So she sees pictures of Facebook of you, DS and DP on facebook at a party of her uncle. And she dares ask why DD wasn't there? What's wrong with just explaining to her the situation as you have done here so she understands the reason? Why ranting about it?

I'm sure things must be tough that you feel a need to rant about this, but personally, however much this is only a forum and a chance for people to let it all out, I do find any SP referring to the parent of their SC as a 'bitch' and other such words extremely offensive, unecessary and unacceptable.

How about just ignoring what SD does when she is at her mums, and just concentrating on what happens when she is with you. The more angry you get about her, the more you will struggle to hide your feelings to your SD, and the more it will affect your relationship with her.

If that was all it was swing, it wouldn't matter! It's the constant interference and rubbing DSD nose in it? If we want to show pictures or tell DSD about a party were at that's up to us! She's just upsetting her child unnecessarily. We don't question anything about DSD time at her mums. There's been times DSD has said she's been at her granny's and her mum and "other daddy away galavanting with her other brother!! It's not like DP would even consider questioning that!!

I'm having a rant and callings her a bitch on here! I don't like how the woman behaves but would never in my life say a bad word about her to DSD and I never even mention her name and if DSD talks about her u wud think we were best of friends but when she does all these horrible things it pisses me off and I have to get it out of my system somewhere

It sounds to me like there is just too much unecessary communication. Who is between? Her and your OH? Her and you? Communication with other people who love gossiping and stearing trouble?

Give up any communication between her and you. Your OH needs to be strong and work on making sure that he only discuss essential matters and if confronted with issues as those you describe, he needs to say he doesn't want to discuss that and put an end to the conversation.

It is so easy to fall into a vicious circle of conflict, not realising that each time you get back at an 'injustice', it just stears the all thing again. I was there at one time with ex until I realised that 1- whatever I said would not change the things he did that infuriated me, I couldn't control him and 2- it affected the kids who loved us both and didn't want to feel caught in the middle. So I stopped expected anything at all from him, exchanges were only on emails and only when really required (a change of date, taking them to A&E etc...). At the beginning, he tried to challenge this, but after a few months, accepted I would communicate only through that mean. As the kids got older, all conversation, which really remain only about visitation, school etc... went though them directly.

If you continue this tack to tack approach, you are going to become more and more angry, and your SD is going to want to blame someone for it all, and inevitably, that will be you as she will feel the need to be loyal to both her parents.