just a safe place to vent

[GoadyFuckAaargh]

I have been left mostly all week to look after all three dss (3,5,7) I also have dd.

dp doesn't work (I am the breadwinner so to speak) but in school holidays he runs a club type thing which is associated with his hobby and does have earning potential (although not much money as it's early days, the club needs to establish itself and branch out to people outwith the club)

we have dss one week on and one week off and as it turned out first week is easter hols so naturally we had them.

but, as dp has been out most of the time I have been left to entertain all four kids and it has been tough. constant fighting, bickering, whinging despite my best efforts to do nice things. ..I.e craft, parks, playing out, fun days with bouncy castles etc.

naturally I am quite a strict parent but leave most of discipline of the dss to dp but this week in order to save my sanity keep control of the fighting etc I have had to step up with discipline etc. now im not talking anything other than the way dp would react to such behaviour but I now feel like the total villain! and they hate me!

Saturday amd sunday morning, dp has been off out doing his footie coaching, they have had training, matches blah blah blah and once again I am left with the kids. dd has been at her dads do its just dss.

I just feel like a glorified blooming babysitter and am just rather upset that the boys are going back to mums and imo this week has not been great, despite my best efforts on a tight budget.

dp has said that he understands how I feel and unfortunately due to commitments etc is unable to do much about it but will make it up to me.

I don't feel he needs to make it up to me as we are a family and we muck in, but I just feel really down about this week as the behaviour has been so hard to manage.

also this morning dp promised that he would take all three dss with him to footie so I was looking forward to a few hours on my own but all three dss decided they didn't want to go so dp woke me up to look after them again. ..

You dp needs a kick up the arse!!
They are HIS kids.

You shouldn't be expected to do so much and he should have made them go to footie this morning whether they wanted to or not.

hooby I suppose that's what im pissed off about.

he did take two eldest during the week on a few occasions leaving me with two youngest.

first day he brought eldest home as he said he felt sick, next day he brought second eldest because he had been hit on the head with a football.

then said he would take youngest on saturday to spend some time with him and then brought him back forty minutes later..

its like i am default childcare and I have no choice!

dont get me wrong when not school holidays dp is sahp and collects dd every day at 1pm and pulls his weight round house etc but this is due to me being main earner and saving on full time childcare fees etc. if dp worked then we would have to pay ft nursery for two youngest and breakfast link clubs for two eldest.

its just this holiday and the fact that I have been expected to just he available for his kids so he can go earn a couple of quid and do his hobby

im ranting now...

Was it discussed or did he just say you had to look after them?

Too late now but if it happens again could you put them in a holiday club or activity for some of the time?
In the past I've helped my partner with holiday childcare and we decided to take SS to an activity club for the mornings then I did things with him in the afternoons. It was a good balance for us all.

tbh it was pretty much just expected.

its a holiday club that he runs, football associated but specific for 4-11 yrs, so youngest two were supposed to be with me and eldest two supposed to be with him, but he brought eldest two home (different days for different reasons) and then buggered off back to club.

essentially I expected to have two youngest but then had two eldest dumped on me when they weren't playing ball (excuse pun)

so I had to cut short youngest two activities and come home for eldest two

suppose it's been a bit of a learning curve and will do differently next time. he had the blooming car the whole time too which won't be happening again!

I don't think you can say anything if he looks after your DC when you work.

Sorry.

Poor you, four kids to look after and entertain, 3 who you are not used to discipline, no kidding it feels like you were challenged and stretched to the max.

You did a great job and even if you had to face being the 'nasty' parents, I'm sure your dss did enjoy their week and didn't think you were a terrible SM.

If you agree that some weeks you might have find yourself in your situation, then you need to make sure that your partner helps you planned it better in advance. He could be the one organising the week, speaking to his children before, letting them know in advance what the consequences will be when he comes home if they don't pay attention to you etc... He then needs to accept that his day is not over when he has finished with his training and he needs to help you if not take over when he is comes home.

This was the first time you had to take over. I'm sure next time will feel a bit more normal for everyone.

He should not have given the boys the choice and they should all have gone with him to football this morning. It is a nice day, it would not have hurt them and you could have had some peace for a couple of hours.

At least he does understand how hard it has been for you, this is your holiday time and we get precious little of that.