Child free time.

[Sonny1]

My 3 DSDs live with us full time and spend EOWE at their mum's. I have asked (repeatedly) that those weekends be uninterrupted. It's the only time I get to relax, say what I like, wander around naked and generally be completely myself with OH.
This amounts to 2 Friday nights, 2 Saturdays and 2 Sundays a month. Fewer than 6 x 24hr periods out of a possible 31.
DSS keeps turning up, piping in to get his watch or some other non critical item. The last time they were meant to be at their mum's house DSS walked in on us having sex FFS!! Yet in he wandered again today when he's not meant to be here.
Then I find out that OH has told him he can sleep here tonight because it's more convenient for him to get here from a night out than it is to get to his mum's. To say I'm a bit p*ssed off is putting it mildly.
What can't DSS understand about this situation?
I really don't think that fewer than 6 days of privacy a month is unreasonable given that I have no bloody life when they are here for the remaining 25 days of the month.

If there was a legitimate reason that he had to stay here, then of course he should, but just because the taxi is cheaper to our house?!?!
I do so much for OH and DSCs is it really too much to ask to have a couple of days without them when they're meant to be spending time with their mum?

Just the same here! Dsd sees her mum eow. I can feel me blood BOIL when I hear her key in the door. Every time!!!!

I don't think there is anything you can do - just have to suck it up! But is it SO disappointing.

I accept that it's tough being a step parent. I get that. However, I don't think any child or young person should feel unwelcome in their own home, ever.

It is absolutely and completely different with step children. You do feel different about them, they are not your children and so you are more aware of just about everything
And how is that the fault or problem of the children? I don't know any children who live with their mum and dad who are told the house rules mean they have stay away every other week-end, or call before they come in, but you are saying that because they happen to have separate parents through no fault of theirs, THEY should be the one to adapt to the needs of their SP who chose that life.

Why is it that some step-parents seem totally unable to put themselves in the shoes of their step-children? Why is it that it is usually these step-parents who don't understand why their step-children don't appreciate them?

It's not just parents who don't get the freedom OP is desperate for, it is many and many step-parents just like her, but somehow, they are more grown-up to appreciate that is the life they chose and respect that the partner they chose to spend their life with came with children who are entitled to be treated the same way than other children.

Hello swing I don't think anybody is saying that this is the kids' fault, just that it is different with step children, its a different relationship and treating it like kids who are still with both parents but happen to somehow have 2 completely different homes probably isn't helpful.

Also there are parents who would expect their kids to ring home first if they were going to pop back unexpectedly, if they were away on holiday or staying with friends for the weekends and changed their minds.

It's not an easy role being a step parent, or a nrp or a rp - and yes, most of all, its not easy being a stepchild.

But this board can be a safe place to have a much needed occasional rant - just as people do about their own kids.

FWIW - I don't expect my partners kids (teenagers and older) to ring if they are coming round unexpectedly - it's their home. They have keys. We have a lock on the bedroom door though. I don't think its reasonable to expect OPs stepson to vacate the premises EOW. But...he'll be off soon leading his own life.

I agree with MyCat...especially about getting a lock on your bedroom door.
Go away for dirty weekends like the rest of us have to do
Step mum to 3 and have my own 3 and it's what we do and we are poor

Total agree MyCat about having a rant, indeed, this is what this forum should be about, but I get that OP didn't come here just for that but to actually get posters to say that she is right to want to exclude her step-children from being home during their supposed week-ends away.

It's not just about knocking on the door, it's about them being there when from her perspective, they have no right to do so and this is what I found shocking.

As I said, my husband is in the exact same position as OP as are many step-parents, but it wouldn't cross his mind to tell my kids that they can't be home on Fridays because that's their day at their dad. They would be massively hurt and I would be livid but thankfully, he has made himself used to his house becoming as much theirs (in terms of calling it home, not ownership obviously).

OTOH I can totally imagine why it is annoying and frustrating having them pop back unexpectedly when you were counting on peace and time/space to yourself.

OTOH I think that I ultimately agree with yellowdaisies. If it is literally just a case of him popping back, doing a few bits and keeping himself to himself, you should just try to ignore him and get on with it. If his presence means you are actually put out like you have to cook for him oror he takes over the living room or your DP wants to include him in everything then that is a bit different.

My DSDs live with us full time. Well the oldest (20) moved out but the youngest (17) still lives with us. They don't see their mum so we didn't have a 'break' from parenting. I love it when dsd goes to a friends to sleep over and my dh and I have some 'alone' time. On those occasions she changes her mind and I hear the key in the lock I grit my teeth but there is nothing to be done about it, I just have to swallow my disappointment. She doesn't do it to spoil our 'alone' time, she's oblivious to the fact we even want that time. So I empathise with you but I just don't see a way around it. As others said they are getting older and there will be a time they move out, for uni or otherwise.

I feel for you OP!
Before DP and I got together, my 3 children went to their dads EOW from after school on Friday but then DP had his kids on Friday nights which immediately felt odd to me having to consider other people. When we moved in together it got more "annoying" but in the end we decided I would stick to how my Friday nights used to be (seeing friends, going to the gym, pub or whatever). Of course some Friday nights I spent in but this way I didnt resent it.
EOW he drops them to their mother at around 10am on saturday mornings.

On a couple of years and Im in a similar situation to you but its MY children that are here!!!!! My youngest (9) still goes to his dads EOW but the older two dont due to work (17 yo) and football (15 yo though he goes to his dad's after football once a fortnight) I now have NO weekends to myself whatsoever :(
I dont care for the comments "thats having kids" its NOT what life used to be like for me for many years and I miss it!!
Our only alone time now is Sunday mornings when dd has gone to work and until she gets in at 5.
They drop in and out at their leisure, though they generally text.

I guess Im just saying I understand. I am quite solitary and like my peace and quiet.

Give this woman a break...she has 3 DSC in her home, and by the sound of it, being a bloody good SM, and she wants a few free days a month she can rely on! I understand those posters saying the DSC should be free to come and go, but the 18 year old sounds like a selfish brat, who only cares about his own comfort and needs! Sonny, you should get DH to take you away to a 5* hotel for the weekend at least every other month, and leave them to it!