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Original poster

Tricky condom question

7 replies

FireCanal · 28/03/2015 02:57

DP's DS (16), not strictly my DSS as we are not married but DP is the RP and I spend half the week there and have known his DS for 5 years. His DM is variably involved, but his DS doesn't have close relationship with her.

DSS (I'm going to call him for that for ease, not because I am trying to assume anything) has just started his first proper relationship with a girl who has been a friend of his for some time, i.e. its not a bit of a whim. I've told DP he needs to have a conversation with DSS about safe sex and condoms, but DP finds this very difficult. I don't really understand why, but that's the way it is. I have told him to get a grip, but the grip is sadly lacking Smile

DSS is very sensible and very good at seeing thing from different points of view. I really don't think he would ever pressure his GF into anything she didn't want. He really does think she's the bees knees I don't think he would risk screwing it up.

I want to buy some condoms, give them to DSS and tell him to keep them in case he ever needs them. I would prefer that DP does this, but that suggestion fell on deaf ears. Is it OK for me to do it, or should I butt out? I'm genuinely unsure so all opinions are welcome.

OP posts:
Storm15 · 28/03/2015 05:52

I think you could do it, in a friendly / jokey manner if you have that kind of relationship with him. I'd run it by DP first though.

Or DP could just stick a fiver (tenner? - how much are condoms these days??!) with a post-it note stuck on the top with 'birth control money' on it on his bedside table or something. That might be easier for them both than a face-to-face conversation.

omletta · 28/03/2015 06:04

Do you ever drive him anywhere? I and my DSDs find these sorts of convos a lot easier when we don't need to make eye contact.
Prehaps it's different with girls but i found a quick 'would you like me to grab you some condors whilst I'm shopping' worked.

FWIW I think you are absolutely right to discuss it with him, it sounds like you might be the only adult in his life willing to do so.

jaynebxl · 28/03/2015 06:32

Buy them and give them to DP to give him maybe?

swingofthings · 28/03/2015 07:55

Do you have that such level of conversation with him? I think if you are close enough (without being massively close) that you could bring it up without him feeling very awkward about it, then I would. If it isn't the case though and he would find it very embarrassing, then I wouldn't. After all, condoms are easily available for free nowadays so if he was going to use the ones you bought him, he is likely to know where to go to get them himself.

I personally would rather encourage building a relationship where you can have that level of conversation then use the indirect sort of communication that comes with just handing out a box of condoms.

yellowdaisies · 28/03/2015 08:12

He's quite capable of buying condoms for himself, as is his GF. I think if you have the sort of relationship where you can discuss those sorts of things then it would be good to have a chat with him. But if you don't (and sounds like your DP doesn't think he does) it's not the end of the world. They do get taught sex ed at schools, and he should know what to do.

I have a good open relationship with my own DC and hope to be able to discuss things like contraception with them when they're a bit older, but my DH doesn't have such a close one with his eldest DD. He never did do "the chat" when she first got a BF and she seemed to manage (well she's not PGGrin)

I'd be very wary of just buying him condoms without finding out first where he's at with that. It's quite possible that at 16 they're not yet having sex do I wouldn't want to put pressure on him to suggest that he ought to be.

wheresthelight · 28/03/2015 10:28

I think you are being very sensible! my dp finds those conversations a bit uncomfortable and him and my dss don't really have the sort of relationship where they would get much out of it so I have had chats with dss about the birds and bees and what happens with his body changing (he is 11).

someone needs to have that conversation with your dss and if sp can't then you need to imo

MeridianB · 28/03/2015 20:33

Fire, you sound great.

If you feel you can hand DSS a box of condoms then do. I bet you £1000 your DSS already has some and will perhaps tell you as much thus showing your DP up as the fuddy duddy he is

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