Sleeping arrangements??

[Stayworkathomemum]

Really need some advice. Left things a bit late and have always just tried to play things by ear when it comes to sleeping arrangements but changes need to be made now and unsure of what to do.

I have a 7 year old stepson and a 3 year old stepdaughter who sleep over for two nights every other weekend.

We have a 3 bed house, two double bedrooms and a box room. We are in the front bedroom, stepson in the back bedroom and stepdaughter in the box room

My 3 year old stepdaughter still shouts out Daddy Daddy Daddy every night throughout the night about 3 times on average, we still have her in her cot because she would simply be roaming in our bedroom all the while and she cries a very loud cry at everything especially when being told no to anything (she stills seems to be more like a two year old, she's very babied by her maternal grandmother still who gives in a lot and looks after her most of the time as she hasnt started nursery yet) her mum has already taken the side off of her cot bed at her house and she's getting on pretty ok and doesn't give in to her, obviously she's in a position where she can afford to not give in to her. My OH would normally simply just ignore her and know that she would eventually stop and drop back to sleep after a few more screams however we have a 10 month old son who has been quite a good sleeper since birth but OH leaps out of bed when she starts calling out because she shouts so loud that she wakes our son.

It gets worse...

I'm also 38+5 weeks pregnant with our baby girl, who will be here any minute and obviously we plan to have her in a bedside crib next to us, our 10 month old is at the age where he's babbling lots and likes to stand in his cot and would also be easily awoken by a hungry newborn just 3 metres away from him so really need to move him out the room but just don't know whether to put his cot in the box room alone and put Stepdaughter in with her brother or to put our son in with my stepson. Stepson currently sleeps in a double bed so with the cot in there too OH says he could sleep in there for a number of reasons.

Really stuck for what to do??

If DSS is kind and affectionate towards your 10 month old, I would put them in a room together happily.

I'd put your DSS in the box room, then at least he can get some sleep, then put the 10 month old and DSD in the larger room together, and work on getting them both a bit better at settling themselves in the night - realise that is easier said than done! You might manage to teach DSD that she needs to be quiet and not wake DS at night though - at 3 she ought to be able to learn not to shout and wake him (he may not be so teachable though...)

But that arrangement also means that 5 nights a week your 10 month old DS gets a large room to himself which makes best use of the space you have.

That's probably one of the biggest problems I should of mentioned. She can't be trusted round him. Have to watch her like a hawk at all times, OH and I have to tag team sitting within 3 feet of them and no less. He plays in the lounge all day, most days and on weekends and evenings in the week when they come for dinner she snatches his toys, refuses to share, takes all his toys and puts them in his playpen so he can't get to them. He is also learning to walk and cruise along furniture, he pulls himself up on the sofa and a couple of times if she's sitting there she'll kick him away, once she kicked him in the face so we stay so close now because she can't be trusted. It's sad sometimes because he follows her around and watches her because he just wants to play with her and he has such a smile on his face every time they come through the door. She also tries to wrestle with him on the floor and gets him in a headlock, this is what I mean by her age and being more like a two year old. We explain to her what she can and can't do because he is still a baby but fails to
understand. Think it has a lot to do with still being 'the baby' when she's at her Mums or her Nans.

Well in that case, what I suggested isn't such a great idea - maybe better to put your 10 month old in with DSS if he's better with him.

Definately some great points. I think the problems we seem to be having are mainly with DSD and we encounter problems during the day too, but you think at 3 she wouldn't be screaming and shouting by now. I think a lot of it is to get a reaction out of us. Our 10 month olds second nap of the day falls around when they arrive in the week for tea just after school and when they come in DSD looks to see that he's asleep and finds the noisest toy out of his box and plays with it or looks at me whilst she stomps her feet across the hardwood floor so there's definately lots of attention seeking going on, struggle to see why she feels she needs to though because whilst our son is still young OH devotes his full attention to his two children everytime they come round.
Or maybe that's the problem right there, I'm not sure anymore...it's turning into a whole different problem

DSS in the boxroom. 10mo in the secnd bedroom (with the plan to move newborn into there too when old enough). DSD in a toddler bed in your room til she learns how to behave.

Could you put the 10mo upstairs for his second nap?

Tbh at three it is a mass of change for her - her daddy is no longer with her mum, she is swapping between two houses, shes got a new baby brother and another one on the way. I think you and her Dad need to really focus as much as you can on making her feel secure and welcome in your home so she can relax.

DSS is great with him and my 10 month old absolutely idolises him back and is always giggling at him, sometimes for no reason, it's cute. So suppose it's a no brainer really. Back bedroom will eventually be our son's bedroom shared with his Stepbrother anyway so I'm thinking that might just be the way. Certainly made things a lot clearer, thank you!

It does sound like you have more issue than who sleeps where. Was she like this before your DS was born - could just be very jealous because she is 3 and up until 10 months ago she was everyone's baby.

FWIW DSD was horrible to DSS when he was born as she was an only child at moms and suddenly this new lo came along that she was really not happy about. Her mom caught her kicking him a few times???

It may be an age thing. My DS seemed to skip terrible 2's and was a whingy, whiney brat through 3 and most of 4. Pre-school and school helped as it taught him to share and socialise better but I had to be firm with him and often used the naughty step - to the point where he would tell me he was sulking now and take himself off to sit on it.

Thankfully both of them grew out of it with boundaries and age appropriate discipline.

I'm confident she'll grow out of most of this, I agree she must find it hard. We have always tried our best to make them both feel secure and relaxed when they are here. OH and their mum split when she was a small baby, not great obviously but she has always stayed with us every other weekend since she was 5 months. I didn't think it was right for her at that age to be passed back and forth between houses and felt she needed her mum as much as possible and consistency but her mum insisted and OH would never of refused and it certainly wasn't my call to make. I always gave her her bedtime bottle so that she could play with my hair, as it was obvious it was something she did with her mum for comfort. We still read her the same baby book before bed too which she loves since she was about 10 months and do all the actions and gestures, always aimed for as much consistency when she's with us even for a short time. We have also always asked their mum exactly what their routine is, especially bedtime and if she's doing anything new with them in terms of praise or discipline. According to their mum, DSD should be starting nursery after Easter hols but due to lack of places can't start till September, so delayed time being socialised with other kids her own age unfortunately.

She is 3 and still very much a baby. her behaviour is perfectly natural in a non step situation and even more so given the circumstances you describe.

I suggest you and your dp do some serious work on including her and making her feel safe and secure and not pushed out by 2 new babies before you worry about the rest of it!

leave dsd in the box room, put your ds in with dss and then baby in with you