What comes next..

[LWR3008]

We have always had concerns over DSS's home life, issues with neglect etc. social services (or whatever they are now) have been contacted multiple times for various reasons by various people. Nothing ever seems to have been followed through or anything so we presumed that nothing was happening. We have DSS who is nearly 2 for three days a week.

Last week Dp received a call from the social services saying that they wanted to speak to him regarding concerns they have about his sons health and welfare. This has as you can imagine sent him into panick mode about what is happening etc. told them we have him three days and they said oh it shows on records that you have nothing to do with him (but that's a story for another day) anyways the general question was, what happens now? Has anyone ever been in this situation? Dp is worried sick but they have said they can't say anything until they meet up with him in the next couple of weeks.. Any reassurance or advice?

I should think, once DP gives his side of the story, and I'm sure he can call on reliable people to confirm you both take good care of the child, they will do whatever is necessary to sort the child's home life (mother) out. I don't think your DP needs to worry!

It's not us they're worried about, they didn't even know DP saw his son, they want to speak to him about his ExP and her treatment of their son. I've managed to calm him down a lot by pointing out that if they were that concerned they wouldn't have left him with her so he's clearly not in immediate danger or anything [sad

Oh right, well I hope whatever is worrying them can be resolved...is there a possibility of your DP getting more access/full custody, and how would you feel about that?

It will depend on the concerns and the plan, I should imagine.

Your DP will find out more at the meeting.

In the meantime, if you suspect residence will become an issue, you could seek legal advice or at least research family law solicitors.

Yeah I guess so..
We had a solicitor before who suggested that we aim for full custody (although they dont use that terminology) but we couldn't afford to go through the process. Personally I think it would be best for everyone involved but it's gotta be something really serious for that to happen hasn't it.. god I don't know, the waiting to know is the problem..

I bet. Have they not even scheduled the meet?

No they said they'll call after the weekend.. which is calming him a bit as it's obviously not an emergency as such.

We had ss phone and arrange a meeting too.
The lady came to our house and then the mothers (unannounced).

What had happened was dss was already here but the mother was lying to ss to get benefits (I pressume) and saying we had nothing to do with dss.

After a week or so the lady from ss contacted the mother and she was told that she 'should' hand the parental rights to DH and myself privately or they would take her to court for neglect etc and enforce it, she did reports etc so that if the mother tried to go back on the private agreement that we had evidence (in writing) to take to court.

She did as she was advised!

My DH had a pretty identical situation a couple of years ago.

They wanted to know if DSD could come and stay with him if they decided she wasn't safe at her Mums.

From what DH was told the police had been called during an argument Mum was having with a boyfriend while DSD was a there and the police had contacted SS.

DH never heard from SS again after the initial meeting.

It will all be speculation until you meet with the social worker and her concerns are voiced. Does your DP know that DSS is still with the mother now? Has he spoken to her?

I have been in this situation and as it transpired DH's ex wife had started a relationship with a person known to pose a significant risk to children and moved him into her (and the child's) home.

Over the course of much input from children's services and many more worrying facts about DSS's home life emerging, DH's ex wife was deemed a significant risk to DSS with or without her partner.

It went through court, DH and I now have sole residency and DSS's mum is to have supervised contact until he reaches 18.

This happened with many meetings, appointments, assessments, frustrating phone calls, court hearings and a lot of angst from all concerned.

See what the social worker says when you meet with her. There could be any number of reasons for the phone call, ranging from minor to worrying things. But if your DSS is still with his mother they can't have immediate concerns for his wellbeing.

Good luck xx

Oh wow.. thank you everyone! Looks like it's just a waiting game for everyone, no DP has minimal contact with ExP because of harassment issues in the past, so we don't know what's happening her side next time we will make contact is when we go to collect DSS in the week!

Update: Just had to call the police on her as she showed up at our house on our contact day when DSS was asleep in bed 8.30-9 tonight demanding him back because apparently she didn't want to wait til the morning, police were called and said it's not looking good for her.. oh god!

Oh dear, that poor child! Does she have drink/drug issues, or is she a bit crazy....'cos that is a crazy thing to do! I really hope you and DP have thoughrally discussed how things are going to be, should it work out that DSS comes to live permanently with you? I know you've been having him 3 days per week, but you've still been having 4 days together as just a couple! I'm sure you truly want the best for this child, but be advised by many other posters on this forum, make sure, you and DP are on the same page in all aspects of the child's care, and that if you are going to be a mother to him while he lives with you, you are allowed to do so as you see fit! He will be a family member in your house, not a visitor to be treated differently....and I do hope things work out well for the little boy, and you too!

Had similar here too. It's massively unsettling because everything is still up in the air, and everything in your life could change suddenly. Your head doesn't know what to focus on and you can't plan as there are too many possibilities or options at this stage. It's a waiting game while assessments and processes happen. Once there is a plan things will feel a little more in control. Hang on in there and go gently on yourself.

No drink or drugs I know of, she's just a bit mental.. yeah we've discussed all options and it's always been that he gets Treated no differently to what my own dc would (if I had any!) it's been agreed that I would be the one cutting down my hours at work to be the main carer as I earn the least etc. we've talked it through in case it does happen.. but no it is so hard with not knowing, it's all a waiting game... thank you guys

Who actually agreed you would be cutting your hours to be the main carer? Is this what you actually want, never mind the money issue, it should also be about your needs and wishes! If you need any proof that these situations don't always work out, look at the new post from the lady who has become fully the main carer to her DSC, the fiancé is refusing to help, she's resentful and unhappy...and the poor child, must think no-one wants him! It's a huge commitment for both the dad and the SM, but don't just accept more than you feel you can deal with at this early stage!

It was me who decided that.. I've just read the other one and that does sound awful! I guess it's just a case of let's cross that bridge when we get to if now.. Still heard nothing so they can't be that desperate to speak to us!