Feel like the evil stepmum :(

[FaithLoveandHope]

I feel like I've just spent the entire day telling DSS off. DP and I found out last week DFIL has cancer so neither of us are in the best place atm. DP was working today so it was just DSS and I. We've not spent the day together just us two in a long time so he seemed to be pushing the boundaries a lot more and seeing what he could get away with. I feel like I spent a lot of the day telling him off. I'm sure it wasn't quite as bad as I feel it was as he still wanted to cuddle up to me watching TV before bed and still wanted me to do his whole bedtime routine despite DP being back, which is strange as he doesn't normally ask me to do it, but I just feel like the evil stepmum right now. He's only 5 and I'd like to think we normally have a pretty good relationship. Just feel like he's going to hate me for telling him off, especially as a lot of the things I probably wouldn't have told him of for as quickly normally and it's totally not his fault at all that I'm not in the best of moods. am I just being daft though? Things feel so much harder in a step relationship because he's not mine and will never have that inbuilt love like he does with his biological family.

He chose to cuddle up with you before bed, I think this proves that he doesn't think your a evil step mum , kids need boundaries and today he was just testing them, I'm sure he does this with his mum and dad too.

Dsd was 4 when I got with dh, she took to me straight away ( unlike her brothers ), I spent a lot of time telling her off and saying 'no' but she still cam over every week and spent more time with me than dh. She's now 15 and we still have a good relationship, I still have to say 'no' when she messages me for things we can't afford, she gets over it the same as she would if her mum had said 'no' to her.

Your doing a great job xx

I'm forever telling off dsd and dss. You get days like that. I'm sure they think I'm the most awful person ever ad we only ever get co plaints from their mum. But dsd talk to her teachers about me in a nice way so I pressume I'm not doing too bad.

He cuddled up with you so don't worry. He must still like you. Don t worry. X

Kids test boundaries all the time and it's important to set them for them. Please don't feel you've done anything wrong. The fact that he's chosen to cuddle up to you before bed shows that he hasn't given too much of a second thought about being told off by you today.

As the others have said, it sounds like you're doing just great. That age is hard anyway, they do test boundaries and sometimes you feel all you have done all day is tell them off. You got the reward at the end of it all though.

You're lucky that even at 5, he has already learnt that being told off doesn't mean you don't care for him. That means that you can act as a normal figure of authority towards him, which is very important if you are going to be looking after him on your own at times.

You've already assessed that you were more stressed and that this had an impact. Is there anything else that you could maybe do differently next time, maybe structure his day better, follow specific routines (sleep/meals etc...).

Definitely don't feel guilty, he clearly valued his day with you and if you ended it with a cuddle and a story, then you acted just like a normal caring parent.

Sounds like you've done a fantastic job. He will have picked up on the upset around your FIL instinctively and that will have unsettled him. He was testing the boundaries to make sure he was safe, and by you keeping those boundaries you showed him he was. And then he needed to check that despite all the boundary stuff that you would still give cuddles and do the bedtime stuff - and you did. You've done great.