relationship with DSD on the rocks..

[Fooso]

My 2 DSD (16 and 12) live with us full time. We've had our issues but we've generally got on well. I now find myself really struggling with the youngest. She has to be in the centre of everything, never leaves my DP's side etc. But lately I've noticed he jumps on anything I say to her and undermines me. I suppose he's picking up on our strained relationship and being over defensive but he's making it worse. If I do ask her to do something now she resents it, and then I resent her. I can't detach as we all live together and she is with us constantly. I don't know why we are suddenly clashing - I think its my DP not seeing any wrong in her at all when she can be quite challenging x I'm even going to counselling to improve my relationship with her but it just feels so hard - how do I get through the next few years before she grows up and keep my sanity ?

With great difficulty I'm afraid! Obviously she has just begun puberty, and we all know how hard that is! Also, he is her father you are just his wife/partner, she'll see her roll in his life as the most important. I bet she hangs on his arm when out for walks, wants to sit right next to him if you go out for dinner, insists on interrupting any conversation you're having with him....and worst of all huddles up to him whilst watching TV whispering?!!! Well I had all that, and if I'd have had to live with it permanently I'd have gone nuts!! Sorry to be so negative, but that was my experience! How about the older DSD, have you a better relationship with her, can you ask her if her sister's OK? And you're right of course daddy will never want to upset her, and boy, does she know that! I think it's fantastic you're going to counceling to try to help the situation, but don't you think DP should be supporting you and examining his attitude as well?

She is a young girl! She is at an age where she will feel very insecure about everything and your relationship with her dad will be something she will need constant reassurance about and want to ensure she isn't pushed out.

that said your dh needs to be backing you up so maybe some house rules are needed to allow you to ask her to do things without feeling resentful etc?

I agree with you WTLight, she must be very insecure and confused about all the changes going on, but the OP really does need to get DP on side and get the rules laid out now, before it settles into an accepted pattern! I have been a SM for many years, all our kids are grown with kids of their own. My DH has never been able to treat his eldest DD like an adult, emotionally or financially, so she's more than happy to take.....and it rankles with me every day? If any of them had lived with us, I know for a fact, we would not still be together!