I'm not bonding with my partner's youngest child

[ShepherdSam]

I'm really struggling with accepting my partners youngest child. He has 3 children altogether. The eldest is 23 and lives with us, his daughter is 21 and lives with her mother and the youngest is 7 and lives with his mother. I feel mostly like the world revolves around him - when my partner and I are shopping he is always asking if we have this for him or that for him as if I would forget about his son. I can't talk to him about it because he's gets so defensive. I'm beginning to feel stuck and I don't want to be in my own home when he's here it's so bad. What's wrong with me? I've known this child for 7 months, I don't have a problem getting on at all with the other two. (ive been with my partner for 3 years nearly).

Why can't he get what he like for his son? I'm not judging by the way. His son is very young and probably misses him and visa versa.

How have you been together for almost three years and only known the child for 7 months ?

The relationship you have with the older children can not be compared to that of the youngest. They are adults and do not need your dh in the same way.

You've known this child 7 months? He's a 7 year old little boy, of course his dad's world revolves around him. My life and that of my dh's revolve around your dc and our family commitments. Your dp putting the needs of his young dc first is how it should be.

From the example you have given, I don't see the problem.

You don't need to "bond" with the child, but you do need to understand that a Dad who lives apart from his child of 7 is going to want to spoil him when he sees him.

I don't quite understand what the problem is. Of course his son is so important to him. He must miss not being with him, he's only young.

I actually understand where you are coming from. I assume from your post that you don't have your own kids op? I found myself feeling the same in the early days but you will get used to it.

the child is very little in relation to the other 2 and his needs will be greater. just accept that when he is with you your dp's priority will be his son and that is 200% how it should be. I grew yo understand and accept it but I never really understood it until I had my dd.

It's possible that your partner feels very guilty about not being a resident parent (I'm talking from my own experience here, as I have my own issues with guilt even though I'm a resident parent). I'm thinking that you may be picking up on his unconscious issues such as guilt and that this is why it's so irritating, because unacknowledged issues are really hard to deal with.

I agree with wheresthelight, though I would say now, years later I am just as bad. I find myself rabbiting on about DSD to people!

But that takes a long time, you are expecting too much of yourself to bond with a child in just a few months, just take it slow. It could well be that your OH is just nervous and wanting you to bond as well, so just all slow down and start liking each other first, family might come later.