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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

One bedroom flat with DSS, sick of being judged

13 replies

ALittleMadOne · 20/02/2015 23:35

not sure if this is the right place to post this but I'm feeling really down about the situation and just wanted to get things out there / get others perspective. DP and I currently live in a one bed flat with DSS (5yrs old) here every other weekend / half the hols. DSS has the bedroom and we have a bed in the living room. The place is quite large for a 1 bed but still feels really cramped as all of our things are in the living room. Unfortunately though we can't afford anywhere bigger just yet. DSS's mum is constantly running us down about it and I know several other people who judge us for having a child in a one bed flat and judge us for sleeping in the living room. Honestly, I wish we could afford somewhere bigger but we can't just yet and we're trying our best to do right by DSS and make sure he never goes without and is still able to have his own space - hence him having the bedroom.

Has anyone else lived in a one bed flat with a slightly older child? I feel so down about the situation and feel shitty that DSS is forced to live (even if only part time) in such cramped conditions even though I know theres absolutely nothing we can do about it. DSS's mum is lucky enough to live in social housing and so her rent is far cheaper than ours as we have to rent privately. I hate that she judges us even though had the situation been reversed and DP been primary care giver, it could've quite easily have ended up with her living in a one bed flat with us in social housing.

Not entirely sure what I want from this post, just a bit fed up tbh.

OP posts:

GloriousGloria · 20/02/2015 23:38

I honestly don't see the problem.

You give him his own space, and own bed.

He's only 5. Maybe by the time he is 10 you will need a bigger place because he will be bigger. Other than that I don't see the problem at all.

Original poster

ALittleMadOne · 20/02/2015 23:43

I absolutely agree as he gets older we'll need a bigger place but (all going to plan) we should be able to get a bigger place within the next 18 months or so.

I could understand Mum being concerned if he was being made to sleep in the same room as us or if we had the bedroom and he was in the living room. But I just don't get hers and others problems as things are.

OP posts:

AlpacaMyBags · 21/02/2015 01:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Koalafications · 21/02/2015 01:15

I worked with a lady who's DS was 5 and her and her DH had a 1 bed flat and they all shared the one room. She even conceived another child and they all shared the 1 room.

I suppose that's what expensive rents drive people to. It's hardly an ideal situation is it? I don't imagine you are doing this through choice, so please don't feel guilty.

needaholidaynow · 21/02/2015 04:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PastPerfect · 21/02/2015 05:37

Your DSS comes every other weekend and haste only bedroom ? I'd change that for a start. He's 5 surely "camping out" in the sitting room two nights a fortnight is fine?

yellowdaisies · 21/02/2015 07:16

Until a year ago my ex has a one bed flat for him, his DW, their toddler, and 2 nights a week my DS (14) and DD (10). They now have two bedrooms so my DCs are sharing one and ex's toddler is still in with ex and his DW. Housing's expensive. I wish they had more space and occasionally resent that ex's decision to have another child has hindered his ability to have ours more because of the lack of space.

But people know that housing's expensive. I would guess most people your DSS's mum tries to bad mouth you to would think she was clutching at straws for something to get upset about.

3 people in a one bed flat is a bit crowded but it's manageable. And you shouldn't feel you can't use the bedroom for other things when DSS isn't around.

Stillyummy · 21/02/2015 07:20

As long as the house is clean and tidy, he is happy and your happy then everyone can jolly well leave you alone.

Your doing tte best you can while being responsible.

wheresthelight · 21/02/2015 07:21

when dp and I moved in together we had a one bed flat and his 2 kids eow and half holidays - when they came they had our room (one in bed one on camp bed and they would swap each night) and we would sleep on a sofa bed in the lounge. they had their own drawers in our room for their clothes and toys and when we could afford it we have moved to a 3 bed house. I fell pregnant unexpectedly as was always told I couldn't have kids and contraception failed. so for 6 months we had us and 3 kids in a one bed flat. it was cramped and frustrating and could get tense when we had them longer as no one could escape the rest but you muddle through.

it's no one's business except yours!

Twinklebell11 · 21/02/2015 09:16

My DS's (also 5) dad has a 1 bed flat and I've never seen a problem with it.
DS has his dad's bed and his dad sleeps on the sofa. No big deal.
Lots of step families, big and small, have to juggle around sleeping space when DSC come to stay and that often means people on a sofa bed or air bed in the lounge. Don't worry about it.
At one time we used to have 4 kids in one bedroom every other weekend, not ideal but they found it huge fun x

rosepetalsoup · 21/02/2015 16:06

Yes I wouldn't worry about it. When my DSC visit (only once a month) they sleep on a guest bed in the living room. It's just life!

chaos1234 · 26/02/2015 22:20

You have to live within your means , don't listen to people who judge you , I lived in a 1 bedroom flat with my 2 boys for 4 years , we all slept in the same room , it wasn't an ideal situation but it was something I couldn't change at the time , as long as there looked after and loved that's the main thing : )

Original poster

ALittleMadOne · 27/02/2015 09:18

Thanks all. Tbh I think if it wasn't the fact we have a one bedroom it'd be something else DSS's mum judges us on.

pastperfect we have considered that but I don't think it'd be fair on him to have no space of his own. Besides he has a single cabin bed plus all his clothes and toys etc in his bedroom. It's not his fault we can't afford anywhere bigger and Id rather he have his own space whilst he's here. DP on the other hand is pretty indifferent. Part of me wishes we'd just stuck with how things were; us all sleeping in same room but now DSS is used to his own room it would be unfair to take it off him.

OP posts:

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