Stinking messy bedrooms!!

[YouStayClassySanDiego]

Hi all,

I have 2 SC, 15 & 13, live with us 50%. I have stopped nagging them/cleaning their rooms for them since they we're about 9 & 11 - but I've had enough of it now.

They leave their bedroom doors open and I can smell the stench as I come up the stairs - to highlight how bad the rooms are. You can't see the carpet for the filth, hair and overflowing rubbish.

What makes it worse is our 3 DS's who are all young share a room, whilst the SC's room are empty for a week a time. Our 6 year old has started asking for her own room, so we are planning on moving house soon. Bigger house or maybe to a different area (SC have said they are fed up of to-ing and fro-ing with their stuff from house to house - which I can understand)

So, I am spring cleaning and moving furniture around to get it ready to put on the market, DH has said he'd like it showhome!! Which is really annoying me since he's not even forced the issue of his kids tidying their rooms - no ultimatums or 'no you can't go out, til room is tidy', just a flippant tidy your rooms here and there, whilst they continue to go out/play xbox etc.

I'm starting to get resentful tbh, as our kids are all shoe horned into one room, whilst the SC have absolutely no pride with their rooms at all, and I've over the years tried to detach somewhat so I don't get stressed about other issues - so I don't want to start nagging or giving them ultimatums, as really it should come from their father.

I just wanted to get it off my chest really, as I feel like I'm going to explode and its making me in a bad mood (esp. towards the SC which I don't want). Anyone got any wise words or wisdom?

Yes.
Bin bag the lot. Dh has one sentence to say to his dc.
"Your stuff is in those bags - either sort it today or it goes in the bin ahead of our moving house".
Then follow through.
You'll only need to do it the once

I am not a step parent so have no experience to share.

But are the SC 1 boy, 1 girl hence the 2 bedrooms. I'm assuming you have 4 bedrooms and the 3 youngest dc are all in bedroom 4.

Your DH needs to pull his finger out and work with his 2 eldest children to make sure they sort this out, not you.

And he wants it "show home" for going on the market? Well then, what's he doing about that?

I suggest that there is a sit down conversation between you, your DH and the 2 eldest. Be very clear that the house is going on the market for the benefit of all. Show them Internet searches of similar houses in your area (cherry picked to show tidy, clean bedrooms). You both need to make it clear that the bedrooms need to be clean and tidy for photos and viewings. And there after in case the buyers want to come in to measure up etc.

The key issue here is your DH's half arsed attempts to teach his eldest dc that the home is a home and not a hovel. Or hotel.

Its all opinion, but under no circumstances would I be cleaning their rooms, if they were my kids, stepkids, or the royal kids.

Both those kids are big enough to get off their lazy asses and do it themselves, what are you the maid?

Unless he wants to raise spoilt ungrateful people he needs to have a word with them not your good self, and tell them get it to showroom or the xbox is going in a skip.

If he thinks he needs a high standard show him where the marigolds are. Sorry but you don't need boobs to operate a vacuum cleaner.

Ha ha yes I like the binbag idea too. Make sure the xbox is in a mystery bag.

disconnecting them from the wifi works well in our house.....change the password, they can have it back when their rooms are clean, the beds are stripped.

As for the smell, climb over all their stuff, open the curtains, open the windows, strip the beds and remove any rotting food on plates. Then shut the door.

Decline to do any laundry until rooms are clean. Charge 50p per item (or an equivalent amount of wifi time!) for every item that comes into the wash basket that isnt dirty. I could make about £4 a week from DS.

I used to threaten my kids with the bin bag. Give them notice that they have till x to sort their room out, after that time you will go in with a bin liner and anything on the floor is going.

My son lost his fav toy on one of those threats, he was much better after that in tidying his room.

Why can't the SC share a room?

Why not just tell your DH that he is responsible for achieving "show home" appearance of DSC bedrooms. Only fair since you're maintaining all the rest of the house - and they're his kids.

Having said that, I'm sure they are indeed sick and tired of having to shuttle between two homes. Sounds like their version of a "dirty protest"!

Your DSC need to sort their rooms out. But in my experience at their age they m day need some support (as well as kicking) to do it. That doesn't mean anyone does it for them but can mean helping them make a list of things to tidy, supplying bin bags and refreshments whilst they tidy, checking they have suitable storage space, showing them how to use the hoover, etc. Keeping a room tidy doesn't just come instinctively to all children, they actually need to be taught how.

It's not really your job, but it's part of the parenting that your DH should have been doing with them. And yes, turn the WiFi off till it's done.

You then need to have a proper conversion with them and their mum about where they will live if you move further away. If it is agreed that they'll live with their mum you'd need to work out when they'd visit and how best to accommodate five children in the house when they do.