Don't know what to do.

[fedupofnits]

I am a regular MN user but have changed nn for this as i don't want it connected with me in RL.

I am desperately seeking advice on what to do with my DsD. In November my DD got nits from her my Dd doesn't go to school or playgroups which is how i know they were from DsD. Anyway i treated DsD and we told Dps exto check and treat and we would do it also. Anyway every weekend since then i have treated DsDs hair and every weekend she has had them. At 1st she said her mum was doing it but eventually admitted her mum wasn't doing it and told her she was old enough to check her own hair. (Shes 10 btw).

Every weekend DP texts his ex to say Dsd still has them and the ex always says well shes getting them from a tramp in her class. Dp also text and said she was too young to check her own hair. Her reply was shes 10 and very independent.

Its come to a head now though as the only time shes managed to get nit free was during the xmas holidays when we had her the whole time and i checked and treated every other day till they were gone. I did her this week on saturday and again yesterday she still had them but not many. My dad came round this afternoon and asked me to check his hair he had nits and he could of only gotten them from me and Dd. Dd had none i rang my mum and i had them, i know it doesn't sound much but i am so upset i am in my 30s and have nits because my dsd ex cba looking after her properly.

I am so fed up of nits now. Does anyone know what we can do in this situation? The ex is not helping and poor Dsd is bearing the brunt.

I don't blame you for feeling so upset, I think it must be nit season as there have been other threads on here about them. Can you contact the school to advise them she's got nits regularly, they won't identify the child, just send notes home warning all parents there is an outbreak and asking everyone to check/treat all of their children? Hopefully, if it's being talked about at the school gate, (and it will be) it may shame the ex into looking after her daughter more carefully....she is definitely too young to deal with it herself, poor thing!!

As far as we know the school are sending nit letters home. DPs ex has just said that its another girl in class who is a 'tramp' She still won't do DsD's hair. And Thank You for telling me its ok to be upset i though i was being unreasonable.

I got upset too op. My dsd's were only ever treated by us and constantly had them, my ds and me often ended up getting them. It was very upsetting and I felt so sorry for the girls. They hated having them and got head sores from them, it was awful that we had to spend a big chunk out of our time with them doing treatment and combing, just for them to get them again.

Their mum didn't think it was an issue and just said its a normal part of childhood, it wasn't though, it had gone beyond that. We kept sending creams, shampoo, combs etc so she could treat during the week but she never bothered.

It all came to a head during the summer hols, we hadn't seen them for a few weeks, they had been off school for 3 weeks and had hundreds, their hair was moving, she obviously hadn't even tried to clear them since they broke up. Dh got tough with her then and said he would report her for neglect (there were a few other things too), he printed off loads of reports etc about how they must be treated, how it is sometimes used as an indicator for other problems etc. It seemed to give her a wake up call and we now all do our bit and pleased to say there have been no major infestations for two years now.

It sounds harsh but it worked and we don't need to spend hours out of our 24hr access doing that now.

Thank You, i think thats the route we are going to have to go down as well now. Like you said there other issues as well and this is probably one of the final straws. I think we will do the same warn her that we will report her if she doesn't start to treat her and if DsD shows up again with nits then that is what we will do.

Dp is scared of doing it as there is no court set contact as we cannot afford to go to court. Usually we end up having Dsd every weekend unless the ex bans contact.

It's hard but needs to be sorted out for their sake. Good luck.

Someone that lazy isn't going to ban contact.

I would be threatening with social services. It is neglect. I bloody hate women like that.

I just don't understand how any parent could refuse to treat their child for nits. There have been several threads about this recently - about three step parents on here fighting a constant battle with no treatment from RPs.

Why would a parent take that view and leave their child to suffer? Surely they get infected too?

OP, I have no advice, I'm afraid but am sure others with more experience will help. Just didn't want to read and run. It sounds like a absolute ongoing pain - hope you get it resolved soon.

If ex isn't doing anything to help through the week, could you send DSD home with some nit repellent shampoo and conditioner. I know they don't always get great reviews but it might help. I use them on DD and she has avoided nits through several outbreaks (and you can get them from poundland).
It might also shame her mother into treating her if she does have them.
Also ime ex will probably not give up her child free weekends by banning contact.

Oh and YANBU

We sent her home with nit lotion and told her to tell her mum its free from the chemist. We also sent her home with a nit comb and i brought her, her own conditioner. Sadly her mum hasn't used any of it and even took the conditioner for her own personal use according to DsD.

She has banned contact previously which is why we are weary of doing it, but she has a new DP now and needs every weekend away from her children. I feel this is the only thing in our favour.

We use a leave in conditioner with not stuff in it and so far she's the only child in her class who hasn't had them. Its the hedrin one. Could that work?

I'd also investigate the cosy of mediation and a court order, you can self represent.

Going to court doesn't always mean you have to pay. Can you look into this as an option? I think it's disgusting when parents ban contact because they're pissed off!!
Definitely phone Social services for advice!

I think it is unlikely she will withhold access, as she will want to spend time with her new DP, so now is probably the best time to indicate you will report her to the authorities! I just cannot begin to understand why any mother would compromise her children's well being, just to score points against her ex and new wife....because that is what it appears she's doing!!

She is that type of person she is. We have had so much trouble with her. We could understand if i was the OW but i met Dp several years after he split up with him. And she was engaged to a different man when we met.

We have a plan of action now. We are going to pick up DsD as normal and we are going to tell her what we are going to do and our reasons behind it. That way it cannot be poisioned by the ex at the same time we will also be texting the ex so it gives her a few days to calm down whilst DsD isn't there. We will deal with all repercutions as they arrive.