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Step-parenting

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child maintenance and school trips

29 replies

billabong81 · 03/02/2015 13:17

Just wondering how everyone else handles the situation after ww3 started this morning with OHs ex wife.

OH got made redundant and has just landed a temporary job after 2 years trying. Instead of signing on the dole he started an odd jobs business and worked his butt off. He doesn't fiddle his books, I know cos I do his accounts lol. We've seriously struggled financially and moved in with my parents at one point to avoid being homeless! CSA had him on a nil rate for a while and now fiver a week but he always does a standing order for more. At the worst times it was low but he has increased it. He also does haircuts/school shoes/ out of school hobbies on top. Goes halves on school uniforms and school trips.

This has been a constant argument because she believes we are living a life of luxury for some reason and has decided that he must have lied to csa.

She has told him that he is to stop sending money to her account for music lessons and school trips under the reference "child maintenance" as this is not maintenance in her opinion and he should pay the school direct.

Just to be clear this money is in addition to the regular monthly standing order not deducting from it in any way.

She has accused him of playing the system and dodging his responsibility because he refused to stop sending money through her account.

CSA advised him that anything he spends on them is considered a gift unless it goes through her account which he explained to her.

What do you think is right thing to do? Should this be considered child maintenance or not?

OP posts:
Quesera21 · 05/02/2015 19:06

No not calling anyone immoral - I think Fedup summed up why it riles RPs very well.

Daftgeranium - the BM, as you so politely called the majority of RPs, is not money grabbing - she supported her DCS whilst he was unable to meet his full obligations.

The OPs DP is now trying hard, but for a while she was on her own.

billabong81 · 05/02/2015 19:19

No there was never a time when she was on her own. Where did you get that from?

OP posts:
Quesera21 · 05/02/2015 21:40

You did - he paid normally for the first four months then dropped to £100 pcm.

someone had to make up the short fall.

Am actually not criticising your DP - but I can see her POV aswell. The wording of he met his " legal obligation" with regard to maintenance is often used on this forum, it is rarely in a positive manner. It is deeply offensive to those RPs whose EXs fiddle their expenses /refuse to pay their share etc. None of which we are suggesting he did.

from your comments I guess the DSCs are pre/teens. My pre teen and now teen niece lives with me and I can tell you £100pcm would not cover her costs and she is not extravagant! My DPs ex wants their DCs to go to all sorts of extra activities and expects DP to pay the whole cost - her choices not always the DCs - he pays for them direct!

bf1000 · 05/02/2015 22:37

Billabob you are getting a hard time off some on here.

I read this the other day and it is so true
" you cant reason with unreasonable people"
It looks like your partners ex is one of those people and however he pays he needs to document for evidence (receipts,bank statements, record in diaries etc) if the children ever want to know as adults and for own piece of mind when the false claims are made by the ex.

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