Boyfriends son calling me Mummy

[TamTam24]

I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and first became a part of his sons life when he was 2. He is now 4 nearly 5 and his birth mum hasn't been a part of his life since he was 1. This is from a combination of her neglecting him, which led to my boyfriend getting full residency and then her not bothering to even see him when she had supervised visits.

Over the years he has called me Mummy a handful of times to which my boyfriend has corrected him by saying 'no that's (my name)'.

The other day I picked him up from school and he was talking to a girl in his class on the way home. Several times he referred to me as his mummy, then when she went I asked him who his mummy was and he said my name.

I love him to bits and I treat him as if he was my own. My heart melted at the fact I mean so much to him for him to refer to me as his mummy.

However I've had mixed views and responses when I've spoken to friends about it. I understand that I am not biologically his mum, me and his dad aren't married (yet, but I know we are in it for the long run) etc. Don't really know how to go about it all. Do I just ignore it and let him carry on thinking that? Should his dad have a chat with him? If so what would he even say? It's just such a sensitive topic, the word 'mummy' is just never used and its all very delicate.

Now he's at school he probably is aware that everyone else has a mummy and so sees you in that role. I don't see a problem with this tbh as his birth mum is no longer in his life. However it will be important for him to know who she is so he never feels lied to in the future. Maybe you could be mummy tamtam and she could be mummy xxx when referring to each other. I think it's only fair to let him have a mummy in his life as that is clearly what he wants. But you will need to make sure his dad is in agreement and also in it for the long term.

My cousin (now a grown adult) started to call my uncle (her step dad) 'daddy" under similar circumstances and at a similar age. He has adopted her and i think if the "biological parent " is absent, it is ok...that said, in your shoes, i would get your dp to talk to his son and find a term that everyone is happy/comfortable with - whether that's mummy or something else.

I have nothing particularly constructive to add apart from he sounds very sweet and must think the world of you.
I agree with PP though, you could be mummy xx and if bio mum happened to come back into the picture she could be mummy zz

Agree with pig.

You say you're not married yet. If the mummy thing is such a sensitive topictopic can you ask your Dp how he feels about marriage and your future and maybe talk about that first.
I think those are better conversations to have first than potentially confusing your dss if your dp doesn't feel things are going in the same direction with regards to marriage ect.
2 years is a valid length of time to have been with somebody to know if you want to marry someone or not, and that's something he should know first before dss is calling you mummy.

I can see why it would feel special though and if your dp agrees he is definitely wanting the same things as you like marriage etc it may be an opportune moment to bring up how dss sees you and what's an appropriate role for you?

if he has taken to calling you mummy om his own and you don't mind and neither does your dp then I don't see the harm.

I understand what rocket is saying, but rather than make marriage the issue (which is, after all, a commitment between adults), would your DP consider applying to court to award you PR, OP?

That would place a lasting and legal commitment on you toward your DSS, and would secure your place in his life.

As I understand it, both parents have to agree to a PR application, or if one disagrees, the court will decide. Maybe, faced with the reality of someone else being awarded responsibility for her DS, your DSS biomum might get her shit together and step up.

Having his mum, dad and stepmum in his life would be the best possible outcome for your DSS, wouldn't it?