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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

I have a question...

29 replies

sum41sbombette · 21/04/2004 12:09

I was wondering if anyone can help with this, as I dont really know where to find the answer lol.

If I was to marry someone whos not the father of my dd, would he be able to adopt her? And if he was, would we have to get permission from the father for him to be able to do it?

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Tinker · 21/04/2004 12:14

This might help

WSM · 21/04/2004 12:15

I think he would be able to adopt her and I do think that the bio-father would have to either surrender his parental rights or give his permission (could be one and the same thing, via a solicitor, obv). Unless the bio-father is dead, I think you would have to do one of the above. There may be a way of doing it without involving bio-dad if you can provide good reasons for his/her father being unsuitable, possibly ?

Failing that though, there is a parental responsibility order. I think this would give your new husband a level of parental rights. Not sure how far they extend but it may be a suitable alternative to adoption.

Of course, I am no legal mind, but I think there are quite a few mn'ers who know what they are talking about legally, so it may well be better to listen to them !!!

WSM · 21/04/2004 12:18

Tinker, that is a really informative link. I'm sure it will be infinitely helpful

aloha · 21/04/2004 12:27

It is extremely unlikely I'm afraid. And your dd's father would be able to block it except in very extreme circumstances. Is your dd's father in contact with her at all.

aloha · 21/04/2004 12:37

You can't change her name to your new partner's either unless her dad consents.

Tinker · 21/04/2004 12:37

What if she has her mother's name though?

aloha · 21/04/2004 12:55

Then you can do what you like! It's another advantage of not giving a child your partner's name if not married or in stable relationship.

aloha · 21/04/2004 13:12

No, actually, on second thoughts, that's wrong. YOu would stil have to get permission from anyone with parental responsibility and the court. But is is MUCH more likely to be granted than a change from the father's name. If the father doesn't have PR then you still have to ask the court, I think. There are exceptions, such as if the father is thoroughly and famously bad - ie a criminal. Then the court usually allows a name change.

kiwisbird · 21/04/2004 13:13

wow that was good link.
In my situation my DH could adopt my son (not that we want to do this as it happens as ds is close to his dad and it would be unneccesary evil thing to do)
but as were not married nor has ex p got any Parental responsibility, then it could happen!
We were told about surnames that for children under your custody you can simply call them whatever you choose and just start using it!
Bizarre my son has choice of 3 surnames, I prefer him to keep mine, so I have kept my maiden name until he is older.

aloha · 21/04/2004 13:30

Kiwisbird, I doubt it would happen even if you wanted it. Even without PR (and even without contact) the social services would contact your child's father and ask for his views, which would count. Re the name, that's not right. If the child's father found out that the child was being called, say, by the name of the stepparent the father could step in and prevent it. My dh's ex wanted to rename his daughter calling her by a double barrelled surname ie Hisname-stepdad'sname and dh refused to give permission and the court told her she couldn't.

aloha · 21/04/2004 13:32

Also your ex could get PR in a moment if he wanted. I'm surprised he hasn't. Just never got round to it, I imagine.

Original poster

sum41sbombette · 21/04/2004 14:00

Well with my dd's dad, he doesnt have pr, and her surname has both our surnames in it. He sees her every 3 weeks as he doesnt live locally. But, I dont have any plans of getting married for a very long time, I was just wondering generally lol.

OP posts:

smellymelly · 21/04/2004 14:16

Actually Aloha, to correct you; my kids are changing their surname when I marry dp this summer, at the moment they have my surname.

DP has PR.....their father has not!!!! And that means there has never been any chance that I wont be able to change their name.

In my case they will actually look at adoption quite favourably, as ex has not had contact for a while now.

kiwisbird · 21/04/2004 14:18

my son has never had his fathers name, I am able to call him what I like, this is true. It is when he reaches age of majority that he needs to legally choose his name.
On that link it said you do not need to seek permission from biological father if unmarried and no PR... Although as a court would def investigate and see that my ds adores his dad and they have a great relationship, we would never have entertained it anyway, was just intersting to know what laws govern it...
he cannot get PR either as he is a foreigner (kiwi) and his visa deal does not allow him to have a dependent.. very bizarre situation, all in all it is happy and simple here, no body cares either way, ds is happy, dh is happy and I'm happy that they're happy...

aloha · 21/04/2004 14:28

Yes, I can see that is an exception, if the father has no PR. The vast majority of fathers can get PR if they apply for it, though of course, some wouldn't ever bother, others don't think it necessary.
Kiwisbird, I do realise you don't intend for your dp to adopt your son Just saying that though it is theoretically possible, nobody would get permission from the court if the father objected or if there was a relationship between the father and child of any kind. And that has to be a good thing, IMO.

Original poster

sum41sbombette · 21/04/2004 14:39

Speaking of PR, my ex (dd's father) was on about ages ago, that he wanted to do it, and he kept pressuring me into signing it, as he thought that with it, he could just come and get dd wenever he liked without my permission. But when I saw my solicitor she said that he just gets a status, so he can have a say in schooling, religion, and where shes living etc. and if he was with her, and she had an accident, hed be able to give consent to emergency treatment, but is there anything else he gets?

OP posts:

hercules · 21/04/2004 14:40

Why wouldnt you agree to her dad having pr?

Original poster

sum41sbombette · 21/04/2004 14:44

I didnt know wot it was at first, but after I went to the solicitor, I understood a bit more about it, so I was willing to give it to him but then he changed his mind when I told him he werent allowed to just take dd whenever he liked.

OP posts:

aloha · 21/04/2004 15:08

Yes, it doesn't make much practical difference to be honest. My dh has it for his daughter but it was more to make sure her mother realised that he did actually have some rights in his daughter's life. It does mean he has the right to get school reports and have a say in issues, but in fact the person with care ie the mother can normally overrule the father.

aloha · 21/04/2004 15:09

Did stop her changing her daughter's name though.

Original poster

sum41sbombette · 21/04/2004 15:27

That's what I thought, and I said that to him as well. Then I think that's when he changed his mind, because its something like £90 to get it done.

OP posts:

secur · 22/04/2004 10:56

Message withdrawn

BETTYBIMBO · 24/09/2004 10:04

Hello Everyone

I am very new to these boards, but we are hoping with all we have been through could offer some help and advise to others..

I would like to point out though, that each case is so different in the eyes of the law.. what the courts give to one they won't always give to another.

As far as changing a childs name.. each person with PR has to sign to agree to the change.

If anyone wants any help feel free to ask questions cause we have had a lot of expereience regards this matter

Regards

Betty xx

BETTYBIMBO · 24/09/2004 10:06

also adoption too xxxx

system · 25/10/2004 11:12

Does anyone know if i legally have to change my daughters name or i can let her be known by my new partners name, this is the only person she has known as daddy. i am also expecting a baby soon and want all children to be know by the same name.
Also can i apply for my new partner to have PR and could my ex husband block this?

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