Wasted 2 and a half years of my life

[givingupnow]

I still love my partner but I hate the situation. Dating a single dad 15 years my senior was a huge fucking mistake. I don't know how to get over him because I love him so much, and I will miss his kids too, but I feel like half the person I was before I met him.

I have spent a long time lurking on this forum and reading all of your stories, both good and bad. Just wanted to say that I have huge huge respect for all of you - it has been one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life, and I recognise that even seemingly small successes as a step parent are huge achievements.

So well done to you all, and wishing you all the best.

There is research that says second marriages are more likely to end in divorce, they said that this is likely to be because the parties have already been through divorce it does not seem so bad going through it again. I think it is because of the kids.

It is very hard being a step mother and I understand your feelings and unhappiness. What does your DP say? how old are the kids? can you sit it out?

If it truly is over, I wish you luck and happiness in the future.

Poor you. Yes, it is true evidence of 'you can't help who you fall in love with' in action!! Nobody thinking rationally would do it (again). However the world is a complicated place and sometimes it can work out. Good luck with your future. xx

It's tough givingupnow, but you are not alone. Lots of good advice on here,

How long have you been together? Have you given it enough of a shot? It's only that, in my experience, time makes a massive difference, even though it's always hard.

Good for you. Life is too short to be unhappy. You'll move on and find happiness.
15 year age gap, Wowzers, you've dodged a bullet there too as you won't have to be his nurse when he's older and you're just reaching your prime. I speak from experience from my parents!

You'll accept it.

I wasted 8 years on my own children's father! You'll get over it.

I read a really good article on psychology today and it mentioned something called "time sunk fallacy" where people just throw more time away because of the time they've already invested. It makes them think that the time that went before wasn't wasted if they continue to waste it something like that. Anyway, sounds like you bailed sooner than most.

I agree with tankgirl. Things shouldn't be so hard. I'm not a step mother btw.

It's not a waste. It's life experience.

I hope it gets easier

It is definitely harder/thankless task being a step mum as opposed to a mum

I've just seperated from my P after 2.5yrs - he was 10yrs older & had a son who only liked me when i was useful to him. Towards the end his son also manipulated P and my P's ex (son's mum) into disliking me. It was horrid. I tried my best and never never showed how hurt i was by it but i feel a massive relief now the relationship is over. I can start to rebuild my life (its in one hell of a mess!) and so can you.

I don't consider the 2. 5yrs wasted though - i really loved my P at stages in the relationship, towards the end i really didn't like him

Posted to early... I think the last six months, despite them being so difficult, were needed so i could be sure we weren't right for each other.

(Also he was a narsassistic sh*t & it took me a while to disconnect from his EA manipulation!)

Sorry to hear that, but don't blame you one little bit.

I raised a child and it was so easy compared to being a step mum. It is the most thankless task in the world and I have nothing but respect for every good step parent.

My OH is supportive, works hard to take responsibility to cook for and care for his child, and thanks me for what I do for her. I am lucky to have been in her life all her living memory so I believe she does love me unconditionally and feels in her heart I am family. If both these things weren't trueI would have run like the wind years ago.

If it is broken you are doing the right thing for all of you, and especially not to string out kids who you don't want to be around. You deserve more and no child deserves to live in a home part or full time with someone who feels anything other than love for them.

Wishing you luck, and lots of future happiness to you all.

Giving can I ask what was the main trigger because your situation sounds a lot like mine except that due to logistics I am not there when dsc are as a rule. But this will be changing imminently. We have had several years together but zero issues but I lurk on this board and I am keen not to drift into difficult territory

Snap - dp 15 yrs older than me, with 3 primary school aged children, been together almost 3 yrs together and need a way out to allow me to be myself and a mum to my kids again before it's too late.....don't know where to begin though. I'm trying not to view it as a waste - more that it could be worse and taken 10 yrs before I woke up.