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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

blowing off steam...

22 replies

nappiesLaGore · 16/10/2006 13:47

my ss is a pain in the butt.
his behaviour is appaling.
his diet is appaling.
hes a spoilt, over indulged, rude, bullying, selfish, thoughtless, stuck up, demanding and tiresome little brat.

he is only here every other w/end (THANK GOD) but his influence over my as yet pretty well behaved and uncorrupted children is strong and bloody unwelcome.

his dad indulges him to the point, no way beyond the point where i want to strangle them both aghhhhh

and his mother apparently indulges his every wish too though i only really have his word on this because the stupid cow doesnt even talk to me!! what kind of a way is that for an adult to carry on?? no wonder hes turning into such an unpleasent little twerp.

I am seriously struggling to like him, and struggling too not to wring his little neck.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Valleystepmum · 16/10/2006 14:14

I really feel for you. My SS is so self obssesed that I am really beginning to think he has some kind of personality disorder.

I wish I knew whether my ss is a decent boy who has just been spoilt rotten, or just a horrible person. Do they grow out of this?

I'm being totally honest when I say that although I was far from perfect there is no way I or my generation were this selfish, rude ( the worst kind of swearing) and materialistic.

I can't help thinking that he and many of his ilk have been "overpraised" Because they are so overconfident.

My ss really believed he would sail through his GCSEs without a stroke of work. Of course he failed and was astonished.

What's really sad is that they have such a huge shock waiting for them in the real world.

JBW · 16/10/2006 19:58

I can sympathise with you both. SD doesnot speak to me nor does her mother. DH tells me SD is none of my business. Try to talk to him about her behaviour towards me - just ends up in a row. Awful isn't it. Don't know why I bother

RottenOtter · 16/10/2006 20:02

how old is he nappies?
I would not be afraid to discipline him if his behaviour is not what you approve of infron of your boys.
Is he only child ( apart from half brothers)

Surfermummystomb · 17/10/2006 19:52

It's hard isn't it Nappies? On the whole I leave the discipline to dh and what I find hard is having to sit back and not be able to say anything/do anything, meanwhile watching behaviour that, to me, is wholly unacceptable and behaviour that I just would not stand for if it were dd.

Dd idolises dsd and mimics all sorts of things she does. I don't want her copying the bad behaviour.

girlygale1 · 17/10/2006 20:41

Hi hope you don't mind me gatecrashing this thread - nappies I have totaly sympathy for you - had the weekend from hell with ss. He is 10 and I have been his step mum since he was 2 - we have him EVERY weekend. I am due to give birth to my second daughter any minute now. He is fantastic with dd - and no doubt will be just as good with new one, but ... HE DOES MY HEAD IN!

He is spoilt rotten - his mother has ruined him (she is another story all together), all dh's family feel they have to make allowances as 'he's been through a lot' (a lot - my arse) dh picks me up on everything I do with him - doesn't mention it when I discipline dd - but will frown if I mention anything to ss. His eating is appauling .. where do I stop?

You have my total sympathies - am glad I've seen this thread, as I do feel really isolated at times x

JBW · 18/10/2006 13:22

Feeling down today. Going on holiday in ten days time with DH, our DS and also SD. Absolutely dreading it. Just do not want to go. The thought of spending a week being ignored - I can't stand it. Also DH tends to ignore me and takes no notice of me when I speak to him or SD. So very sad. Really do not think I can put up with much more. Have known SD since she was 5.

HappyMumof2 · 18/10/2006 14:36

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anniemac · 19/10/2006 12:02

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anniemac · 19/10/2006 12:04

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Surfermummystomb · 19/10/2006 14:36

What do you mean HappyMum ?

HappyMumof2 · 19/10/2006 14:46

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anniemac · 19/10/2006 15:20

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Surfermummystomb · 19/10/2006 18:45

I haven't said that I'm not pleased about dh seeing dsd, HappyMum, I'm not sure why you think I'm not. I love her to bits, and we're really close and we have a great time when she's here. I wouldn't be with dh and have had a child with him if he'd been the sort of man who'd fathered a child and then walked away or not been consisted and fully involved in his child's life.

I DO make allowances for the fact that dsd has to deal with one lot of boundaries at her mum's and another at ours. In fact it's me that often points it out to dh. The majority of her behaviour, I'm sure is just normal 11 year old behaviour, it's how it's dealt with I have a problem with and the fact that I can't get involved, it leaves me with a feeling of powerlessness. I used to be able to just let it all go over my head before I had dd but I can't do that when I see dd behaving in a way I
don't find acceptable, and she's doing it because she's copying her older sister. It's about not having control over your own situation. Have I made sense?

When I post on here though, HappyMum, it doesn't mean that I don't like my dsd, that I don't make allowances, or that I act on any of my frustrations. Far from it. It all gets bottled up and this, I thought, was the one place I could come and vent and get rid of the frustration. I'd imagine that's what Nappies did - given the thread title.

It's not about whether she's mine or not. If I was finding dd's behaviour difficult to cope with, I'd be on here saying she's doing my head in. I don't see this thread as any different from the tons of threads from people venting that their dh is being unreasonable, they're at the end of their tether with their children's behaviour or their x is winding them up. And they, quite rightly, get loads of tea and sympathy.

MistressMiggins · 19/10/2006 19:06

to be fair, I would say that although there may be lots of threads moaning about Skids, there are a lot of stepmums on here that I admire & have turned to for advice....

I guess the only reason Happymumof2 is saying this is cos its children who are being moaned about...but lets face it, ALL children can be a pain in the backside Skids or not

anniemac · 20/10/2006 11:38

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HappyMumof2 · 20/10/2006 12:46

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anniemac · 20/10/2006 14:51

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HappyMumof2 · 20/10/2006 16:23

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Marne · 20/10/2006 16:34

I feel for you nappies, i have 3 step kids which i love very much but it is hard when they are being spoilt (unlike your own kids)

My step kids are fed on junk food, have no idea how to say please and thankyou and are very lazy. Dh and i have no say in how they are brought up as we only see them once a week but they do know that when they are at our house they follow our rules.

Im not sure how old your ss is but he sounds like a normal teenager.

Surfermummystomb · 20/10/2006 17:27

I thought it was directed at me as I'd asked you a question and you seemed to respond by putting "I think you ...". But if it wasn't that's cool Happymum .

I honestly don't think that in my case I'm less tolerant of the behaviour as it's dsd and not dd. And if/when dd exhibits the same behaviour when she's older I'll still be of the opinion that it's unacceptable. As far as I'm concerned it's the behaviour I'm looking at, not the child. The difference will be that I will be able to actively do something about dealing with it, which currently I can't. Fair play to you Anniemac if you can shrug your shoulders at being powerless, but I find it frustrating.

titsalina · 26/10/2006 03:08

Hello. Don't know if this thread's dead, but here goes.
I've been a SM to my 8 yo SS for 6 years. His mum makes our lives a misery and does a terrible job of bringing my SS up. As a result, he is frequently obnoxious, and it's very easy to feel angry and irritated and powerless, especially when he seems to be displaying characteristics of his awful mum. It's taken me ages to realise how hard it is for him trying to adapt his behaviour to the different kinds of expectations we have for him. We thought that he was sneaky and trying to play us all off against each other, until we realised that that was purely what his mother was encouraging him to do. The minute we started treating him like a kid and giving him some boundaries, he absolutely lapped it up. It's almost like he's got a new persona - rather than being part-time son, he switches into full family member, even if it's just for an afternoon.

BudaBeast · 26/10/2006 05:28

Have no experience of dealing with SKs but the thing I get from this thread is that the main probs seem to be involving SKs whose Dads' let things go/indulge them. As SMs you can't influence the BMS but you can influence the Dads. They need to understand that even one day a week fitting in with the rules in your home will pay off in the long term. Of course I am not saying that you suddenly come on all heavy but where the child is old enough to understand then maybe a "family meeting" where everyone is involved will help them feel part of the decisions/rules.

I wouldn't be able to just sit back and let unacceptable behaviour continue around my biological child. And I don't think it is fair to the younger children to witness their step-siblings getting away with unacceptable behaviour. In the long run surely that will affect their respect for their Dad? And then the cycle continues.

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