Step parenting

[maisy1908]

Wondering about the future of my relationship. I've been involved for two years with a very nice man who has an 8 yearly son. I have a 13 year old daughter. I've been reading step parenting forums recently because I am very concerned that I do not like his child. This is very difficult for me as I work with children professionally. The children I work with have a great deal of hardship in their lives and I care deeply for them, but my potential step son is a very entitled and sometimes agressive child. My own daughter is an empathetic intelligent young person and I am very proud that I raised her by myself from infancy to be a person who reflects the values I worked hard to instill. The boy in question does not reflect any of my personal values of honesty, empathy, cooperation and kindness... I believe this is because of how he was raised, coupled with his personality. I am not sure if this means that I will have issues with his father. I believe that a huge part of the reason my partner divorced was because of vast differences and parenting styles and values. currently, the parents share custody of the boy and there are constant conflicts. I'm not sure what I'm getting into and feel the more insight I gather the better. Thank you,

I empathise very much with Nannanina! I have been with DH for many years, DSC and my own DC had left home before we got together, so we never all lived together, phew! But his DC (IMHO) have been ridiculously over-indulged, and in the case of eldest DSC, allowed to become needy to the point we practically finance her life! This is obviously from his feelings of guilt, but it has coloured our relationship in that I don't really ever want to spend time with them, (forced to on certain occasions)! But, and it hurts to say this, I am fully aware that much of my lack of interest in them is that I never wanted to share DH...and when I say share I mean if they are with us, DSD and DSGD are hanging off him/sitting on knee/monopolising conversation to the point I'm walking about 10 paces behind like the servant!! I admit... I don't like it, don't want to put myself under this pressure, and don't want to watch DH struggling to please all parties, so I have been disengaging as much as possible, not perfect but it makes me feel better!

OP - he is a little boy who over the past 4 + yrs has had huge emotional challenges in his life.

From what you say Mum had parenting issues, contact was a disaster until recently and now he is 8 yrs old, is starting to have a real little personality and opinions and hugely insecure from all that has transpired.

A bit of security and less need to lash out, no one by the sounds of it ahs shown him empathy or caring for whatever reason. He needs to be taught this, feel loved, cared for and liked.

I have 4 step children, they stay with their dad and I every other weekend. We have one baby son together.
The way their mum has allowed them to behave since the split 7yrs ago shocks me, their behaviour is sometimes appalling and I absolutely do not want my son to think the things they do is ok as he gets older.

My partner is very much a 'Disney dad' and doesn't like to tell them off if he can help it or follow through with any punishment, he gets scared he'll upset them and they won't want to come round. I do not get involved unless I absolutely have too as they pay very little attention to me. As such I now dread their visits, we used to have a better relationship but the older they get, the worse it has become (jealousy of the baby perhaps I'm not sure)

I think you have taken a very sensible approach to this OP, step parenting is hard. If you have doubts now, it's worth really really thinking about it especially as you have your DD to think about too. Good luck!

I think many of us have had to deal with the 'Disney Dad' syndrome, they muddle through each visit, desperately trying not to upset their children in any way! I think most of them are intelligent enough to realise they are creating needy, demanding little tyrants, but they just cannot bear to be the 'Bad Guy', so it goes on! Add to that they're terrified any upset will go back to the EW, and she will get even more difficult about 'allowing' visits, and all the while trying to keep the new wife/partner happy...I suppose it's no wonder things become so fraught! And the bad news is, it rarely gets easier as the kids grow up and grand kids come along!! ?? Sorry for such a pessimistic post!

Wdig.....
That's my life EOW. Are you me?