DSD house party deception

[ThePerUnaBomber]

DSD (15) has been staying with her mother this week. DP and I are planning to go to a party about 150 miles away, her mum and sister are going to a different party about 80 miles away. DSD told her mum that tonight she was going to a party at A's house, then staying over at B's house. Her mum bumped into B's mum this morning and turns out they were not staying at B's, that A was not having a party at all and that in fact the party was at our empty house.

DP has gone to collect DSD as his ex has already left for her party. We are staggered at the level of deception (turns out now that she and B have done this before when B's mum was away - lied and said she was there/that B was staying with us as arranged, which we only just worked out from talking to B's mum today).

It's up to DP what he does - but here is where I disagree - he wants us to still go to our friend's party but with DSD. I think she should not be going to any parties and I'm happy to forgo it in order to show how serious we feel this is.

Or am I a meanie who would cut her nose off to spite her face?

I don't see why you or your DH should miss a party because of something your DSD has done. She shouldn't have told lies but that isn't unknown for teenagers. Unless she would be a deliberate disruption I'd just take her to the party. No point in you missing out so she can be punished.

How's the hostility this morning? Xx

Teens aren't easy are they?

I do think 15's about the hardest age though, for girls that want to be grown up at least. My DSD did the same at that age exploiting the two home set up and the fact that DH doesn't know her friends parents very well so wasn't good at checking up on her. One time she did host a party at ours when we were away and she was supposed to be at her mum's. We found out because things got damaged. DH spoke to her sternly about it, started checking up a bit more, and we mortice locked the front door the next couple of times we went away so she had no access.

But she's now 17 and much more lovely and trustworthy . 15 was definitely a really hard age. They want freedoms that you just can't give them at that age.

arrgghh posted that by accident silly ohone how do i delete it??

Report the post and request a deletion.

Well the evening was a washout - she would have enjoyed the party and we would have had to endure 6 hours in the car with her. Just awful really as she and her dad spent the whole evening shouting/out for a series of long walks. Upshot is she has decided to live with her mum permanently as she wasn't getting her way and doesn't agree that she should have been punished for what she did.

Locks are being changed as well.

Hell bells, at least it may be easier for you not to worry about trusting her as she won't have a key. Horrid age. Big hugs x

Sorry to hear you're having such a difficult time and that your DSD has decided to move in with someone who abuses her.

I hope she realises quite quickly that the grass is not always greener and asks to come back to your home. When that happens, I suggest your DH keeps a much closer eye on her social networking and she has a key only on occasions she really needs one, leaving it with you the rest of the time.

Has her dm said that she can move in?!

Thank you both - he has already said he will only let her have a key when she is here. A little respite will be a good thing for us as a family and I'm sure it won't be long before she is back (not managed more than 2 weeks - when abroad on holiday) in the past 18 months... But a week more would be nice!

Yes, apparently so - she is loving us being the bad guys for a change and is making the absolute most of DSD thinking we are unreasonable.

Thing is, we're not the ones told to go to mediation, therapy and parenting courses. We're the ones that SS and the school say she should stay with all the time and where she is safe (their words). DSD still blames herself for their bad relationship (is told by her mother) and is bribed with money, tickets and gifts to be a good girl and get to stay with lovely mummy.

Well that's not actual parenting though, I suspect her mother may tire of the reality of cooking/homework/washing as quickly as dsd realises that the grass isn't greener.

And if she doesn't, and actually steps up, then that's bloody great!

Hear hear on both counts, whereisegg!

How's it going?

All Quiet on the Western Front! Thanks for checking in!

Enjoy the peace while it lasts