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Step-parenting

DSD house party deception

67 replies

ThePerUnaBomber · 31/12/2014 14:46

DSD (15) has been staying with her mother this week. DP and I are planning to go to a party about 150 miles away, her mum and sister are going to a different party about 80 miles away. DSD told her mum that tonight she was going to a party at A's house, then staying over at B's house. Her mum bumped into B's mum this morning and turns out they were not staying at B's, that A was not having a party at all and that in fact the party was at our empty house.

DP has gone to collect DSD as his ex has already left for her party. We are staggered at the level of deception (turns out now that she and B have done this before when B's mum was away - lied and said she was there/that B was staying with us as arranged, which we only just worked out from talking to B's mum today).

It's up to DP what he does - but here is where I disagree - he wants us to still go to our friend's party but with DSD. I think she should not be going to any parties and I'm happy to forgo it in order to show how serious we feel this is.

Or am I a meanie who would cut her nose off to spite her face?

OP posts:

Report

Whereisegg · 31/12/2014 15:36

I would be worried that she will flounce to her mum's thinking that you two will then go out and there will be an empty house.

Hurr1cane · 31/12/2014 15:41

Well her mums out and she has no key so she's stuck with you isn't she?

ThePerUnaBomber · 31/12/2014 15:44

Yep, she's stuck here with us now as she can't get into her mum's - and DP has decided to stay here and not go to the party. Hooray for common sense! He's also turned the wifi off which is major.

OP posts:

Stillyummy · 31/12/2014 15:44

I defo wouldn't go out, half her school could rock up! And if you get to the shops now you can have a nice drink and food (not her though).

Whereisegg · 31/12/2014 15:45

Ah, missed the no key thing.
Would your dp consider taking her key to yours away?
She has proved she can't be trusted to have free access.

ThePerUnaBomber · 31/12/2014 15:46

Development: her mum said she wanted to talk to the parents of the other friend DSD said she was staying at tonight - DSD gave friend's phone number who then tried to impersonate her mother to DSD's mum...

OP posts:

atoughyear · 31/12/2014 15:52

Teenagers are bloody ridiculous. I'd have psml at the friend trying to impersonate her mother. I really hope you can smile about this in time OP. You aren't the first and you won't be the last...

ThePerUnaBomber · 31/12/2014 15:54

She's refusing to apologise to me. Teenagers are a fucking nightmare! DSD2 is 12 and DS is 4 so we have a looooooong few years ahead of us....

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Pipbin · 31/12/2014 15:58

I think the parents of the other children involved need to know what was planned also.
Find out who was invited and post on her Facebook saying "This is Minibomber's mum. We have found out what was planned and have cancelled it."

Go to the party, take her with you but get her sit in the car all night.

Get a neighbour to keep an eye on the house to call you if a load of kids turn up.

howtodrainyourflagon · 31/12/2014 16:00

Gwan host a party at yours with balloons and cupcakes and twister and pass the parcel. All booze confiscated on the door in exchange for party hats. Hand out the party bags at 9pm sharp and show guests to the door. She won't try that again.

specialsubject · 31/12/2014 16:04

love flagons idea!

so she lies and then insults you? Well, her iphone is going on ebay and she's going to be using a supermarket dumbphone for quite some time, isn't she?

team up with all the adults concerned.Good luck.

cathpip · 31/12/2014 16:06

You sound fab PerUna. All I can say is have fun tonight even though you are now not going out and the only two words my friend mutters when her teenage dd is being "difficult" and she is handing me her phone and iPad as I am the new hiding place is "happy thoughts"

redredholly · 31/12/2014 16:07

I'd go to the party on my own and leave her father behind to deal with tonight's shenanigans tbh.

^This. Also agree with another pp, I would be severe in punishing her for this.

zipzap · 31/12/2014 16:07

Might also be sensible to phone the police on 101 and say what happened just in case things don't turn out well - they might be able to get a patrol car to include your house on their route earlier in the evening when they aren't as busy and stop any trouble from starting...

MeridianB · 31/12/2014 16:16

It may be harsh but I would definitely take her house keys away. And wifi. And phone. The party and (ongoing) lies are bad enough and 15 year olds shouldn't be calling adults (or anyone) bitches.

I'd also insist on having the passwords to her social media accounts so they can be monitored and a message sent to cancel any party invitations sent that way. A nice fb message that starts 'This minibombers Dad...' Should do the trick.....

Goldmandra · 31/12/2014 16:28

I'd also insist on having the passwords to her social media accounts so they can be monitored

Her father should have this anyway.

Petal02 · 31/12/2014 16:39

There's no way I would be leaving my house for the evening if I thought there was the slightest chance of anyone using it for a party in my absence.

And you should definitely take the house keys off her.

ThePerUnaBomber · 31/12/2014 16:41

I was a particularly horrible teenager to my parents but never in a million would have tried this. We are so lucky her mum bumped into the other mum this morning. She's sulking and stropping and abusing her dad (she won't leave her room and knows better than to try and argue with me anyway) because she is embarrassed at being rumbled and pissed off at not being with her mates. Also I think she's angry that her mum has gone to the other party. I can hear her moaning to her mates upstairs - her dad hasn't taken her phone off her - yet. But she just asked to be taken to Burger King (!!!!) and he laughed at her.

OP posts:

waithorse · 31/12/2014 16:41

I'd definitely be taking key's away from her. Hope you don't get dozens of teenagers on your doorstep tonight. Such a shame your missing your party.

MeridianB · 31/12/2014 16:44

She's sulking and stropping and abusing her dad
But she just asked to be taken to Burger King

Doesn't sound like she takes him very seriously.

ThePerUnaBomber · 31/12/2014 16:50

Nope. He's a pushover - her mother abuses her and he's been protecting her - but social services have been facilitating contact recently. So he's desperate for her not to go back there, whilst at the same time fed up to the back teeth of her. Nonetheless he has not been any good at disciplining her. This is the first time he has actually given consequences for her pretty rotten behaviour.

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MeridianB · 31/12/2014 16:55

That sounds tough going for you all. Well done for remaining so upbeat and patient, Bomber. It can't be easy.

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ThePerUnaBomber · 31/12/2014 17:00

Thanks for being a sounding board this afternoon. I just got a very very very sulky "sorry" from the doorway, behind a curtain of hair. I simply said "thank you for apologising" and she stomped off to complain to her dad that I am such a cow. He's aware that it's all about diversion and projection with her now - to avoid the discussion of the lies....

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financialwizard · 31/12/2014 17:07

Bless you. Not easy dealing with teens.

Whereisegg · 01/01/2015 11:40

Hope you managed to have a good evening op

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