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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Step DS and twitter account

22 replies

Pradaqueen · 26/12/2014 13:02

Advice needed as really quite angry. Step DS just posted on twitter a retweet of someone giving 'a big shout out to all kids of divorced parents having another emotionally blackmailed 2nd turkey dinner forced upon them' DH on way to collect the kids. We are going through a turbulent time with stepDS who is 16 and frankly a miserable chap all of the time. His mum and dad have been separated ten years and his mother about to remarry (incidentally his new step dad also en route to collect his kids) I know it's shit and I know it's not his fault but my DH has forgone every Christmas Day and Xmas eve as their mum will not share them at this time. Ever. DH never complains but just gets on with it. We are not having 'another Xmas day' we are having a family get together with grand parents. DH has gone to a load of trouble choosing thoughtful presents he thinks they will like (and they will) but worried the eldest one again will create the usual crap Xmas atmosphere. I want to really make the eldest understand that his attitude will cause his dad heartache but I am 'not allowed' to broach the subject my order of his controlling mother who incidentally places him on a pedestal. Any advice? I am fed up that one kid gets to spoil it for the others. We don't tread on eggshells here he is very welcome always but when is enough, enough?

OP posts:

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spinduchess · 26/12/2014 13:03

Oh please don't be angry at him. He's allowed to dislike the situation.

WaitingForMe · 26/12/2014 13:08

I think you need to let him have his feelings. I imagine that much as he displays loyalty to his mother, he's already had a tense time from her if she's so jealous.

Original poster

Pradaqueen · 26/12/2014 13:09

Not angry at him just the thoughtless use of twitter. I want him to just man up and tell his dad how he feels not snide comments on twitter always directed at DAd. His mum nearly left all three with DH after they split but don't see 'big shout outs to emotionally blackmailing mums' that's my point. DH not allowed to share the 'big day' and sneered at for trying to make second best as good as possible. Just like the mums today who are sharing...

OP posts:

spinduchess · 26/12/2014 13:10

Well fact of the matter is he can use his Twitter account in any way he likes.

Stay away from it in the future? You'd have been none the wiser if you hadn't seen it, and tbh - he probably doesn't know you've seen it, and will be fine for the day.

Let this go.

Galvanized · 26/12/2014 13:14

Block him on Twitter, stop looking at his social networks, a 16 year old should be allowed to vent online like that, and please don't bring it up!

LineRunner · 26/12/2014 13:15

You really have to let this go. What he is doing is normal and appropriate, actually.

And yes I am divorced, I have a 16 year old DS, and a new partner with 4 (count them) teenagers.

Trust me, let this one go and care about the big stuff.

magpieginglebells · 26/12/2014 13:16

As a child of divorced parents I agree that Christmas time can be utterly shit. Let him use twitter to vent. It didn't mention his dad specifically so I would just leave it.

mynewpassion · 26/12/2014 16:13

You vent on here. He vents on twitter.

noseyfrog · 26/12/2014 18:23

This could be one of those identity things... Needing to play the "woe is me". I've here dsd's friends talk about how "I never see my dad" when they totally do. Surviving divorce can be a badge of honour.
There could be some truth in it and that's sad... But it's also sad for you when you've tried to make a nice Xmas part 2 for him.
Put it in a box and rise above it. You can't raise it as it's his private venting space, but nor can you privately speculate over what he may mean. So move past it

Reekypear · 26/12/2014 18:32

That's the way he feels. The truth often hurts. It's not his fault his world fell to bits. It's on his parents to repair the damage.

purpleroses · 26/12/2014 20:13

I think you're over thinking it really. It sounds along the lines of "oh no, not another turkey sandwich!" kind of comment that lots of people make, swapping sorts stories of just how many meals they were fed turkey for. He's just saying that children of divorced parents have even more turkey than anyone else. He's not saying he doesn't want presents or to celebrate Christmas with you.

And it's not even something he's tweeted fire himself - teenagers retweet all kinds of rubbish without thinking about it for more than half a second

purpleroses · 26/12/2014 20:14

for himself, not fire, obviously

Whatever21 · 26/12/2014 20:26

His opinion and he is allowed it any time of the year and probably not expecting you to be snooping on him anyway.

If he is grumpy, why did you look at his twitter account, unless you wanted to find something to start a fight.

Xmas is not the time to pick your battle

noseyfrog · 26/12/2014 20:39

Purpleroses speaks a lot of sense.

Was OP snooping? Or does she just follow her step son and visa versa? If he knows she follows him he should have been more thoughtful.

If not, hey, it's always wrong to snoop. But where step kids are concerned forewarned is often for armed so if it's on a public social network I don't think OP would be alone in having a quick look

DaphneMoonCrane · 26/12/2014 20:46

If I've read the OP correctly, he hasn't written the tweet - just retweeted someone else. He probably retweeted it because he could relate to the sentiment of it. It's not the same as him saying it himself.

I'd let it go. Christmas sucks when your parents are divorced. I still cry about my broken family every Christmas and I'm 36

HesNotAMessiah · 26/12/2014 22:40

He's 16.

All the emotional awareness of a frog, and the reactions to any social media 'fly' to match.

They live in the moment, if it strikes a chord when they read it doesn't mean they thought deeply about it.

redredholly · 27/12/2014 13:41

What a little grinch! Our 16 year old visitor is the same. But you mustn't dwell on it or mention it. Courage! And port.

SakuraSakura · 27/12/2014 14:04

Poor lad. It is a pain for him! Being the child of two ex-partners is not ideal, I'm sure my dd hates it too at times. Don't take it personally. Leave him express himself, it's healthy, don't call him on it. And stop reading his tweets.

mrsfarquhar · 27/12/2014 14:20

Don't think following a 16 year old on twitter is ever going to end happily. I was the product of a perfectly happy marriage with thoughtful, caring parents. If Twitter were available I would have tweeted all sorts of sarcastic, bored ungrateful crap. Am sincerely thankful it was not available to me.

aldinator · 27/12/2014 14:21

I don't think it's unreasonable for him to be aware of the impact of his tweets on others. It's all very well saying he vents on Twitter and you on here, but this is anonymous. Lots of people on his feed will know the family. I'm bringing up teens that are not 'mine' and agree you sometimes have to stand back, but don't let standing back become the default setting. They need to hear the voice of reason from time to time.

PeruvianFoodLover · 27/12/2014 14:37

it's all very well saying he vents on Twitter and you on here, but this is anonymous. Lots of people on his feed will know the family.

I agree - I know of at least one lifelong friendship which broke down because a DCs venting about her dad on social media was challenged by a family friend - friend and DCs mum fell out - they also worked together, major drama!

It's not unusual though and can be quite shocking. I recently saw posts from a pair of teens who had created a side by side photo comparison of themselves and were questioning their parentage - suggesting that they were, in fact, related and speculating as to which of their Dads had been unfaithful, how and where. So hurtful for the parents, and seen by anyone who happened to look as their social media profiles weren't hidden.

needaholidaynow · 27/12/2014 15:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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