Just need to rant...

[MsColouring]

Sometimes being in a blended family is such hard work. Kids are all great. But we are constantly battling with our exes. Dp's ex is controlling when it comes to contact and constantly trying to interfere in our lives. My ex is passive aggressive and threatens court action every time something doesn't go his way. We have only managed to get two days together as a family this half term.
This coupled with working really hard all the time to try and pay off debts left from our first marriages. Plus all the normal difficulties of being step-parents to each others' children.

Bloody hard work. Times like half term really exagerate the issues. I am dreading Christmas already due to access arguments.

Used to battle with DP's ex and get abuse and emotional blackmail in return.

Now we don't bother anywhere near as much and when we get the now decreasing nonsense just respond in a calm and adult way. 'Thank you for your interest' seems to stop the monster in its tracks sometimes.

Instead of arguing over arrangements etc we do just go with it where there really isn't any point having the fight when there's no reason we shouldn't other than just because that's not what we agreed.

Kids aren't stupid, but they are very loyal. They will know what's going on and as they get older the adults ability to use them for this sort of thing ebbs.

I agree with everything you have said, lefthanded !

MsColouring, definitely a case of "picking your battles" but it does depend on individual family circumstances of course. Just as an example - shenanigans with access. Having a well defined court ordered shared-care or access arrangement does give greater scope to let an ex "push on an open door" because it will generally even itself out in the long run. I guess it depends what your issues and challenges are.

Once you have a clean slate when all those legacy debts are paid off, you'll have to plan something to celebrate!

Main thing is try to see the big picture with the DCs and DSCs and if they are generally happy, that's the most important thing.

Sorry to hear life is a bit pants at the mo. Hope you ride the storm and look to the future!

Thanks for the replies. The issues with the exes are definitely the worst issues for us. I have just posted in legal about my situation (I think I might copy it in here as well), it is really getting me down. Dp and his ex have always tried to work things through amicably but it does lead to her taking the piss sometimes.

We are lucky in that we have 3 awesome kids between us who have a fantastic relationship with each other. I think we work really well as a blended family, it is just everything else going on around us that makes it so difficult.